Avatar universal

Anti-depressants and libido

Hi, my wife and myself spent five years having fertility treatment and were lucky to have twins (boy and girl), who are now 12.
It was only two years ago that my wifes G.P. diagnosed her with depression and prescribed citalopram, she thinks that it may stem back to post natal depression.
In the 12 years since the kids were born sex has been very infrequent, 4-5 times a year, sometimes not even that and this caused me real frustration, I love my wife and despite that she's put on weight I still find her attractive, which I keep telling her (not about the weight bit) but it makes no difference.
I've tried all the usual, payed her loads of attention, not made it into a big issue, taken her out, made her feel special etc. but I've now come to the end of my tether.
About two weeks ago she told me that in a conversation with her work friends (women) she confessed to the most exiting place she had sex and she was worried they may tease her about this when I was around.
The problem was as she put it "well it wasn't with you, so you'll just have to deal with it"
Needless to say I went mad, all I could think of was the wasted years I spent.
We've since talked it through and she says she just isn't interested in sex any more any wouldn't be bothered if she never had sex again.
I appreciate that the anti-depressants suppress libido but I'm not sure whether I want a plutonic relationship, in another conversation she said that friends of hers who have started HRT have had a rekindled sex drive but their husbands are now no longer interested.
The thing is we're only in our early 40's and I really don't want to wait anymore, for me this is a big issue, I don't believe that having no sex drive is healthy for a relationship but I'm loathe to suggest she goes to her G.P to discuss this as I'm sure she'll go mad, unless I can convince her that something can be done.
Is there any way the G.P. can help?
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637356 tn?1301924822
Yes a G.P. can help. He/she can perscribe her something else and see if her libido comes back.

Also she may want to see a therapist about her depression. Sometimes the pills alone aren't enough to break a depression. The therapist can also talk to her about her sex drive and find out if it is part of the pills or something in her brain instead.

Not having sex with your partner can put a strain on the marriage. For me it was my husband that refused me and didn't want the sex any more. It starts making you feel rejected and as if it is you that they are not interested in. Maybe her weight gain is part of her problem. Even though you don't make a big deal out of it she may not feel sexy any more.

Just things to think about.
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Avatar universal
She needs her hormonal levels checked and treated. Yes, medically, women do not have to suffer.  It also sounds like the weight gain could have been triggered by medication, or depression. 40 is not to young to experience a lot of this.
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Avatar universal
I know for me when I was on Lexapro my sex drive vanished completely and I felt like your wife did, like I wouldn't care if we never had sex again.  So yes, that can have a huge factor.  In addition, her weight gain may be attributing for her and I agree with the above poster who recommended counseling for her but I would take it a step further and recommend you go as well and do some couples therapy.  This is not just for people who need help, its for people who want to improve their relationship which it sounds like you do.  Also, I would take a moment to evaluate the health of your relationship outside of the phyiscal realm.  Do you have date nights together?  Is there romance?  Doing somethings to rekindle your romance will also have a positive effect.  Good luck!
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