Anxiety Regarding Relationships/Sex

[adele19]

So, everytime I am either in a new relationship or close to starting one, I begin to get extremely anxious and stressed. Especially when sex is a large possibility. I really freak myself out and I haven't the faintest clue why. This anxiety has caused me to back out of several relationships that would have been nice and loving.

Currently, I have met a man who I am attracted to, and who I know wouldn't do anything I didn't want him to, but again, I am anxious.

Any ideas what I can do to get rid of this anxiety?

[adele19]

It isn't just social anxiety - I enjoy meeting new people and making new friends. I have never had a problem in a social setting. This only seems to crop up when I am attracted to someone, we are getting ready to start dating or are dating, and then I just kinda freak and push them away.

Thanks for the advice though guys. I've been thinking about going to see a therapist and see how that goes.

[specialmom]

What I think would help with the anxiety is to have a rule for yourself that you won't have sex until it is a committed relationship.  Yikes, that sounds old fashioned, I'm sure.  But if you know that someone loves you for you-----  sex is just part of it.  And they will love helping you through your anxiey and not judge you for it (and really, no guy will . . .)

If your anxiety is around the whole area of dating----  and other social events-----  could social anxiety be the culprit?  That is very treatable.  

But as the others have said, just be confident in yourself and know it is natural to have some apprehension with a new man/woman.  good luck!!

[sunscreen_gr]

Adele,

First of all, have u had sex again or is it the first time; and ur friend is it the first time as well?

The previous comments are correct, though anxiety itself can be reformed to a fruitful and evolving situation. For example when someone has exams and feels the anxiety he/she either can be stack and fail or can study more to pass the exams. The anxiety is always there.

Be as rational as u can... See whether u r ready for sex or not. Are u? If not say it out loud, if yes say it again though mention that u r not in the most comfortable situation; ur friend will be indeed more gentle.

Hope this is helpful,
Sun

[mami1323]

How bad does the anxiety get?  Meaning, do you have a severe panic attack?  Some forms of anxiety can be controlled by refocusing your thoughts and gaining control of them.  You may want to speak with a counselor or a therapist to learn some coping skills.  Everyone gets those butterflies or nervousness when in a new relationship, but I think that's the funnest part about starting new relationships.  If you've been hurt so badly in the past, that may be why you are so afraid of your new relationships as well.  Like jo said, you don't have to do what you are not comfortable with doing.  If he is a good man he will wait.  

[jo929]

Just be yourself, and if you do not want sex tell him so. he will respect you for your honesty, also just tell him you are a bit nervous, he may be also  luck  jo