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Anxiety about afair

Hi.. I have big problem. I am married man only month is completed to our marriage. At first night my wife told me that she had an affair she told me everything and told now they are not in contact now.She says me that she loves me more and she cant live without me.But I always doubt that if she is not deceiving me.
what I should do for peace of my mind plz answer me
18 Responses
370181 tn?1595629445
Because I believe there is a large cultural difference in our countries, it might be better for you to discuss this issue with a friend, a trusted family member or a religious leader.
In this country it is generally accepted that any affairs each partner had BEFORE the marriage are simply a part of that persons past and have no bearing on the commitment they have made to you during your wedding vows.
Since you will apparently always doubt that your wife is being faithful, I can't see this marriage working out. But again, because of our cultural differences, I urge you to seek advice from someone who shares your cultural beliefs for the advice you are seeking.
I wish you the best  
15439126 tn?1444443163
Did she tell you before, or after your marriage about the earlier affair?
Avatar universal
she told me after marriage
15439126 tn?1444443163
OK, and does that telling reveal that she deceived you earlier in some manner?  

If not, then I think for your peace of mind you will simply have to learn to trust her and her good intentions.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Were you dating when this occurred?  That's hard and IS cheating.  Or are you saying that she was with another person before you were together and neglected to tell you about it.  

People do make mistakes.  She sounds like she wants this marriage to work and loves you.  You love her.  Does she do anything now that makes you suspicious?  If not, you have to try to trust.  

But it is an important thing for us to understand---  if she actually cheated on you or just didn't tell you about a past relationship.  
Avatar universal
Yes you are right she may not told me this if she would want deceive me.But she told me truth but it is my anxiety that if she is deceiving me. Even she had call from unknown number she told me about that every time. One more thing we had plan to not have pregnancy early and we used condom every time but she is pregnant  only one time we have unprotected sex.This thing also hurts me I used protection every time then how she is pregnant...pls help me
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
HI there.  Well, it only takes ONE time.  That one time you had unprotected sex could do the trick.  And all birth control has a failure rate including condoms.  

I understand how anxiety can start to make our mind spin and churn with unwelcome thoughts and ideas.  It is good you recognize that your anxiety is fueling some if not all of how you are feeling.  She appears to be upfront with you.  

Do you love her?  If so, this is worth working on.  Important to treat your anxiety if you are not doing so.  This includes taking medication as well as talk therapy if that is something available in your culture.  Other natural stress relievers include exercise, journaling, extra sleep.  

Do you take anything for your anxiety?  
Avatar universal
no I am not taking anything for my anxiety
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, dealing with a situation when you already have untreated anxiety can be very difficult.  You need to address the anxiety from a clinical stand point via treatment.  This may help you be more rational in terms of dealing with your marriage.  That's my best suggestion to you.  good luck
15439126 tn?1444443163
I've coped with anxiety for a very long time, sometimes with meds but mostly on my own with natural methods.  When facing a difficult topic to ponder that tends to be especially worrying, I find it helpful to:  have a nap, ground myself by doing some simple puzzles, then settle down for a 20 minute or so meditation session.   A long, brisk walk can also be helpful.

I've been practicing meditation for over a decade (while it was a challenge to start, I got the hang of it after several days of trying).  Along with:  avoiding caffeine when my anxiety's under poor control, and eating very healthy generally (eg. something like too much sugar is apt to be anxiety triggering for me).

You might try these sorts of approaches.  Anxiety's poorly handled through meds over the long term, though something like serax/oxazepam works fine for most as a short term bandaid (it's addictive so is unsuited for regular use in the long term use).  I do think it's best if manageable to use self-help rather than meds for anxiety.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there,  we of course can not recommend any specific medication for you. There are many to choose from and that is between you and your doctor.  Nor can we say that any particular medication is a bad choice.  Many do indeed need their anxiety and depression treated over a long period of time and that is the best course of treatment for them.  We encourage you to see your doctor.  This is an important step.  Do not be afraid of medication because most who deal with significant clinical anxiety, this is an important part of their treatment plan.  So, please take your advice on treatment from your doctor.  good luck
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I do very much think from what you've posted that your anxiety is playing a role in this issue with your wife.  Therefore, it is in your best interest to seek formal medical direction in treating it.  good luck
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
One other thing, I do agree that natural ways of handling anxiety can be helpful.  Often though, if someone suffers anxiety of a clinical nature, they do require medication.  Many classes of drugs treat anxiety.  There are those mentioned above that are anxiolytics that are best for short term/acute care, however, there are classes such as the SSRI's and SNRI's that are for long term use and also indicated to treat anxiety.  Today's medications have come a long way and allow so many to receive relief for clinical anxiety.  

But again, this is between you and your doctor.  I urge you to speak with him or her so that your anxiety does not affect your marriage.  good luck
Avatar universal
But what you think that she is not deceiving me.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, you have no evidence that she would be.  You had unprotected sex one time and that is all it takes.  So, jumping to the conclusion that this is not your child is a huge leap.  Unless you have some evidence or reality based suspicions ---  I would say this is about your anxiety and not her.  

We, of course, can't know if she is lying or not.  But you haven't written anything that I see as indicative that she is.  So, if you love her---  work on your anxiety and see if that makes you better able to see this clearly. good luck
Avatar universal
ok thanks
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Good luck and please come back and update us.  
15394896 tn?1468594627
she loves you more thats why she told you on her first night....other wise she can keep it as a secret....she gave you importance you should giver her too now...by loving her
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