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1561799 tn?1294936991

BF lied, just not sure how bad it was, help, please!?

Ive been w my boyfriend for 6 months, im 25 hes 34. Its not been an easy ride and really its been an emotional roller coaster. Weve had 3 big fights, where im packing my bags, i only left once and drove out of state, 13 hrs to live w my sister. After a couple days we talked things out and i drove back. Its been 3 months since then. He played a video game that he logs on to the internet and can play with other people. I used to think i didnt mind it, whats the worst that could happen, besides id rather have him home playing a silly game and not out getting in trouble. Ive over heard him saying inappropriat (spelling) things, which i just ignor, sometimes to females. But whats the worst, right? one day i got curious and just went through the messages and found one that he sent to some girl, asking if she would moan sexy for him on the mic. I meber said anything, but i was pissed. He plays usually from 12am to 4am when im asleep and when he comes to bed he wakes me up for sex, whatever. Now i wonder if hes getting turned on by these girls, then having sex w me. Anyways, in sept. He added thia girl and her brother that he plays thia game w(and does not actually know) to his facebook. He did it during our little split, i asked him to delete her he said no, it was innocent and she was married. I just let it go, well over the last 3 months hes been sending her comments asking her to post pictures.... Which is weird to me, my fb has a ton of pictures, she has none. Hes asked, "when r u going to post a pic that i cam zoom in on?"... then he posts on her brothers page telling him to hook him up w her, and how they can split up this girl from her husband, with lots of "jk's".....::sighssss:: well she posted a pic that u can actually see her and my bf says nice pic w a smiley face...so last night im laying in bed, have to get up early, hes next to me on his phone, i roll over to set the alam on the phone and he clears out of whatever he was on on the phone... So i set the alarm and click facebook, it pops up the instant messaging for facebook. Sure enough theres a text to this girls brother from my bf, and one unread message from this girl... I instantly say why are you texting this girl and he says, "im not" i say let me see the phone and he says no... I asked him several times, he says no. I start to pack my things cause to me he now is a liar... He says im making a mistake...honestly my blood was boiling, i dont remember much of the fight. eventually we both cooled off, i was so tired i just went to sleep. He lied to me saying he didmt text her, come to find out he texted her "sup girl, you ready to live your dream romance :) ? "... I dont know how serious this is, i def. Feel lied to, is this the beg. Of an untruthful relationship? He told me he was sorry, wont text anymore girls, said everything i wanted to hear..but he didnt know i knew what he said... I havent said anything cause ive been gone all day but i need to make my mind up before i get home. I feel like he crossed several lines, not just one... I dont know if im more mad that he lied, texted an other girl, or what has been\was said..Sorry for so long!!! Thank you!!!!
15 Responses
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Avatar universal
Please STAY gone and STAY strong.  Focus on you.  I wouldn't date for a while.  
Helpful - 0
1561799 tn?1294936991
Well I did it, I left. He asked me to have sex with an other guy so he could watch. That was the last straw. I've been gone for a week and steady holding my ground. He wants me  to come home but when I say no he turns in to an *******. Thanks for the  encouragement ladies.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I would most definitely say leave him!!! Its like seriously if he got caught lying about something as little as a text than wat else has he lied to you about and not been caught doing yet??? If he is already talking/texting other girls and staying up all hours of the night talking to them whether or not its "just a video game" it is still inappropriate. If he cared about you then he would give you the respect that you deserve.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Let me just say that you would be making the mistake of a lifetime by having a child and staying with this man.  Oh yes, I believe that to my very core.  

He plays video games from 12 until 4??  Really??  Sounds like an ambitious guy.  Yes, I'm being sarcastic but why on Earth would any woman feel that this was a good candidate to date let alone have a kid with?  

Life is about choices and we have to make good ones for ourselves.  If you wrote nothing else but the video game bit, I'd have pegged him as a bit of a loser.  Then to add to it that he is online chatting with chicks------------  you would have to be very foolish to keep this relationship going.  And if you do, you'd have no room to complain about the things he does.  By not moving on now, you are accepting it.  

So then I must ask you why you have such low standards for yourself.  

PS:  If a relationship is this rocky in the first 6 months (the supposed easy time for most couples)----  it is not a good sign at all.  

Take care of yourself.  Better your life.  Start reading, taking courses, move ahead from where you are at.  Want more for yourself.  good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Nikki, now is the time you HAVE to get honest dear.  The situation just ISN'T good.  

Him lying and sneeking behind your back with "this and that" is NO kind of life to live.  Playing video games at night while you are sleeping......hmmmmm....forget him dear.  He is just using the video game as an excuse to chat/talk with other women.  

Leave and never look back.  

Helpful - 0
1035252 tn?1427227833
I personally wouldn't put up with this.

If you're determined to make it work (I wouldn't...6 months is enough time to see the real him and decide that he's not your cup of tea, or any woman's cup of tea as long as he's so selfish, immature, and dishonest) you could always try counseling...he's most likely depressed because despite what some men would have you believe, it's not normal for a man over the age of about 23 to stay up all night every night on a video game - my husband outgrew that at about 23/24 and he was a DEVOTED gamer, too. Many who play this obsessively have a borderline addiction, or are suffering from depression and using the game for escapism.

So..I suppose you could try therapy. But I would cut my losses, 6 months isn't too huge of a chunk of your life to waste, but a year, or two, or three WOULD be....and I'd say run. Run while your dignity and your heart are still  intact..you deserve so much better.
Helpful - 0
1561799 tn?1294936991
thanks ladies, the problem is i already see these signs. Im far from dumb... I am dumb in a sence because i dont know how to break away... a small part doesnt even want to to be honest, but i know what i have to do, i just need to get myself to that point...
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
Well,  I don't think a "lie is a lie is a lie".  I think some lies are much less serious,  not even a big deal,  it's how you get through life.  "Hey did you pay the electric bill" "Yes,  yesterday".  And then as soon as he's out of the room,  pay it quickly online.  "Sorry about your grey sweatpants.  I washed them with jeans and the zipper ripped a hole in them you know where,  I threw them away"  when in reality they are so ugly and unflattering I tossed them.  That's life.

The worst thing he did wasn't lying.  The worst thing he's doing is starting up a relationship with a woman he's in love with although it's not clear he's ever even met her yet.  That's the worst thing.

He's a player.  And you don't want to be sitting at home with a baby while he's out playing.  : (

Helpful - 0
1561799 tn?1294936991
I do feel like i deserve better, just hoping wishing it would be him. So you dont think i over reacted? Plain and simple he lied, right? A lie is a lie is a lie...big or small?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Dear, dear, dear.  Re-read your post.

Now, do you think you should be treated like this?  

Can you imagine being pregnant and being treated and humiliated like that?  

Don't you think you deserve better?  Why settle for crumbs?  

I see that you love him, but I was so hoping you would love yourself MORE.  
Helpful - 0
1561799 tn?1294936991
Yeah, you read correctly...we were trying.. If its not too late, i do have a change of heart... I love him i do, and when its good its good... You really think i should leave him?
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
I just read that too.

You are throwing your life away with both hands.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Did I read correctly?  Are you trying to get pregnant by this man?  

I was reading your other posts.  

Hope that you have changed your mind.  
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
I'm just baffled that you're calling this the "beginning" of an untruthful relationship.  He's been untruthful for most of your relationship,  and it doesn't matter to me whether he's had sex with her yet or not.   He would if he could,  that's for sure.  

Thirty four years old is WAY too old to be acting like a teenager playing video games all night and flirting with girls he doesn't know.  

I'm not quite sure what amount of verification you need before you realize he's a player . . .

Best wishes.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Only six months invested, correct?  Hmmmm........move on/DUMP HIM.  

Too many red flags already.  

Enough said
Helpful - 0
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