Aa
Being Single
Why can't I get a date? Don't bother looking at my profile, it's depressing and stupid, and I haven't updated it in a LONG time. It kills me a little bit everyday when I have to wake up and realize that I'm the only unwillingly single person I know. Even the stupid fat guys get dates, so why is it that a fit, intelligent, 21 year old guy has never even heard someone his age say that they love him? Am I just a bad person?
I wash my hands. Your attitude is exactly why I always dated guys at least 2 years older than me; immaturity drives me up the wall and across the ceiling.
best of luck to you...hope you get that move soon and that you find true contentment.
best of luck to you...hope you get that move soon and that you find true contentment.
Me too, Tinkerbell. I'm done. *throws in the towel*
I don't always give this much time and energy I've spent here, on people I absolutely adore.
FF, good luck in finding your way. I'm completely done, forever, in trying to help you find your way in life.
I don't always give this much time and energy I've spent here, on people I absolutely adore.
FF, good luck in finding your way. I'm completely done, forever, in trying to help you find your way in life.
Not everyone expresses joy in the same ways. Personally I try to keep my joy subdued, I don't like people getting a read off of me. I'm not an optimist, never have been and never will be, my expression of joy is the spread of knowledge and understanding. I just wish that other people could understand that, just because I'm not smiling, or not talking (yeah I know hard to imagine right), that I'm not enjoying myself. By nature, I'm an observer, my drive is to understand, to experience, to feel the conversation. The difference between how I am online and offline is a night and day difference, in person, I'm a much nicer, much less blunt individual. I'm extremely relaxed and will listen to you and discuss with you whatever you feel like discussing. What my online persona lacks is the ability to, through nonverbal ques, express understanding and calmness. I'm really not as angry as I appear or say, and I'm not as Atheist either, I'm actually an atheistic Buddhist, I love the ideals taught by the system and for the most part implement them in my life. I go so far as to tell people to take their anger out on me so to not harm someone completely innocent, my goal is to actually make people as happy and as comfortable as I can. I get defensive, yes, and that is a personality fault I'm working on fixing, but the "fact" that I'm negative is just not accurate, I'm frustrated and frustration often comes off as negativity online. Trust me, if you somehow met any of my friends, they'd tell you that I'm the chillest kid they know, I go with the flow, and generally don't let most things get to me.
Many of these questions have roots in the simple and yet complex question of "Why?" I feel that if I understand the situation as a whole I might be able to find a new way to work angles so that I don't have to change my personality. I honestly like who I am, even though it gets me burned every once in a while and makes finding people like myself difficult, but the people that are like me are likely to be around much longer than the people like you. Absolutely no offense meant there, it's just that people like me tend to cling to friends like white on rice, the people I've considered friends in the past few years are people that will most likely be around for the rest of our lives, whereas people you know will be around for a few years and you'll likely lose contact with them. It's okay though, you'll make new friends easily and they'll become good friends, for me it doesn't work that way. It's just different, it's not wrong, just different.
Many of these questions have roots in the simple and yet complex question of "Why?" I feel that if I understand the situation as a whole I might be able to find a new way to work angles so that I don't have to change my personality. I honestly like who I am, even though it gets me burned every once in a while and makes finding people like myself difficult, but the people that are like me are likely to be around much longer than the people like you. Absolutely no offense meant there, it's just that people like me tend to cling to friends like white on rice, the people I've considered friends in the past few years are people that will most likely be around for the rest of our lives, whereas people you know will be around for a few years and you'll likely lose contact with them. It's okay though, you'll make new friends easily and they'll become good friends, for me it doesn't work that way. It's just different, it's not wrong, just different.
I said earlier that I was done but I'm still looking and watching and You've tempted me once again. You have not come across here as SomeOne who has become Happy - but, if You HAVE, indeed, become Happy, then that IS a wonderful outcome!! and I'm sure Others will be Glad to know that as well. But now - why don't You SAY something Happy and Positive so EveryOne might feel the time invested here was worthwhile. People DO care - that's why They're here!!
A LOT of Time, Care, and Interest was devoted to You by People who Care - but You eventually turned EveryOne off because You were SO negative!! If You have had a change of Heart about Your negative attitude toward People, that is Wonderful - and I'm sure EveryOne here will agree.
Let us hear from You again. Let us know how You are doing and getting along.
Good Luck to You,
Tink
A LOT of Time, Care, and Interest was devoted to You by People who Care - but You eventually turned EveryOne off because You were SO negative!! If You have had a change of Heart about Your negative attitude toward People, that is Wonderful - and I'm sure EveryOne here will agree.
Let us hear from You again. Let us know how You are doing and getting along.
Good Luck to You,
Tink
Really? How was this a waste of anyones time? You made someone realize that they didn't hate themselves and made them happy. I don't understand how thats a waste of time.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm just sorry so many of us have wasted time on this post. When I'm here posting to a stranger asking for help--- I gladly try to give it while ignoring something else that I could be doing. So, had he written that he was a college student that wanted to convince me that he knew exactly how I should feel about the world . . . I'd have cleaned the toilet instead. I don't mean to be harsh--------- but that is completely the truth. I'm not all that interested in pontificating about 'hipsters' and some one's loathing of religion. I"m a grown up . . . I've got toilets to clean.
That's fine, FF, to come here for a theoretical conversation.
It seems at this point, we all understand that you don't want to change, you just want to kind of muse about how you can't get a girl while holding tight to your current negative behavior and judgmental attitudes.
People do come here and say things like that. They go on a big rant about how completely miserable they are, and when people offer suggestions that would require some effort and changes, they pretty quickly say actually everything's great, I just needed to blow off steam yesterday.
So that's fine. It's your life. If you're more comfortable being lonely than you are comfortable with trying to change some of your behaviors that drive people away, it's your choice.
It seems at this point, we all understand that you don't want to change, you just want to kind of muse about how you can't get a girl while holding tight to your current negative behavior and judgmental attitudes.
People do come here and say things like that. They go on a big rant about how completely miserable they are, and when people offer suggestions that would require some effort and changes, they pretty quickly say actually everything's great, I just needed to blow off steam yesterday.
So that's fine. It's your life. If you're more comfortable being lonely than you are comfortable with trying to change some of your behaviors that drive people away, it's your choice.
I've got to tell you man, above you mentioned that you are "actually happy". I'd bet from your writing that you'd be very hard pressed in finding anyone who could see you as a happy person. You're extremely judgemental, and you clearly think that you are right and others are completely wrong. Add to that the fact that you are also very opinionated, and it is no wonder you cannot find a date.
You also mentioned being a "militant atheist". With no disrespect meant, but all of your rants seem rather militant. That alone will scare people or at least keep them at arms length. I understand that living in the middle of the bible belt cannot necessarily help your situation, but it just seems as if you've done nothing to avoid anything.
And believe me, if you have something you feel worth fighting for, at least in your opinion it is so keep after it... whatever it is. (I am agnostic and have run off quite a few people with my beliefs. Their problem is, they want me to accept their beliefs when I have my own. They also do not want me to have my beliefs and will judge me as wrong.(I always find that last sentence as funny, as christians are not supposed to judge.... anyways.))
From the outside looking in, you're rather intense. It takes a special kind of person to want to be involved for a long haul with someone so intense. I am not saying it cannot happen, but I think a person as intense as you could be looking a lifetime for a perfect mate. I think you have your mind set on a specific type of person.
(I had a buddy who was a hell of a guy. Women found him good looking. Dude was outgoing, helpful, knowledgeable, quick witted, made good money, had good morals.... And truthfully, the guy had no problem getting attention from women. The problem was, he had this ideal type. She had to be so tall, so big around, she had to enjoy hunting and fishing, she had to be a real good house keeper, she had to dress a certain way, she had to talk a certain way, her eyes had to be a certain color, she had to be from the country and not a big city, she had to know a little about farming..... I mean, the list went on. This guy would not settle for less and ended up dying a lonely man only because he was not willing to budge on what he thought was Ideal.)
I'd hate to see anyone go down that road. I think you need to keep in ind that everyone has ideas, ideals, and perceptions and are entitled to them just as you are. It is okay to not agree, but it isn't okay to fight about it. I've learned through the years to have a more open mind regarding everything. I've learned that what works for my neighbor might not work for me and vise-versa.
And the most important lesson I've ever learned is.... "you don't always have to be right." Acceptance.... I'm sorry to feel that you are in for a long bumpy ride. You seem not willing to compromise, and every relationship has some compromise in it.... every single one of them do.
I really hope you find peace or piece of mind....
You also mentioned being a "militant atheist". With no disrespect meant, but all of your rants seem rather militant. That alone will scare people or at least keep them at arms length. I understand that living in the middle of the bible belt cannot necessarily help your situation, but it just seems as if you've done nothing to avoid anything.
And believe me, if you have something you feel worth fighting for, at least in your opinion it is so keep after it... whatever it is. (I am agnostic and have run off quite a few people with my beliefs. Their problem is, they want me to accept their beliefs when I have my own. They also do not want me to have my beliefs and will judge me as wrong.(I always find that last sentence as funny, as christians are not supposed to judge.... anyways.))
From the outside looking in, you're rather intense. It takes a special kind of person to want to be involved for a long haul with someone so intense. I am not saying it cannot happen, but I think a person as intense as you could be looking a lifetime for a perfect mate. I think you have your mind set on a specific type of person.
(I had a buddy who was a hell of a guy. Women found him good looking. Dude was outgoing, helpful, knowledgeable, quick witted, made good money, had good morals.... And truthfully, the guy had no problem getting attention from women. The problem was, he had this ideal type. She had to be so tall, so big around, she had to enjoy hunting and fishing, she had to be a real good house keeper, she had to dress a certain way, she had to talk a certain way, her eyes had to be a certain color, she had to be from the country and not a big city, she had to know a little about farming..... I mean, the list went on. This guy would not settle for less and ended up dying a lonely man only because he was not willing to budge on what he thought was Ideal.)
I'd hate to see anyone go down that road. I think you need to keep in ind that everyone has ideas, ideals, and perceptions and are entitled to them just as you are. It is okay to not agree, but it isn't okay to fight about it. I've learned through the years to have a more open mind regarding everything. I've learned that what works for my neighbor might not work for me and vise-versa.
And the most important lesson I've ever learned is.... "you don't always have to be right." Acceptance.... I'm sorry to feel that you are in for a long bumpy ride. You seem not willing to compromise, and every relationship has some compromise in it.... every single one of them do.
I really hope you find peace or piece of mind....
Sorry, my son hit "enter".
I meant to add...music is the universal language (don't believe that bollocks about "math")...and if some people speak "pop"...then that's the language that they speak. it's not any less valid than someone who speaks "opera" or "grunge" or or or....we're all individuals, and that's the beauty of being human.
Your disdainful opinion for someone's music/religion/political views doesn't really matter...at all...and all it's going to do is make you lonely in the end if you try to insist that it should matter.
I meant to add...music is the universal language (don't believe that bollocks about "math")...and if some people speak "pop"...then that's the language that they speak. it's not any less valid than someone who speaks "opera" or "grunge" or or or....we're all individuals, and that's the beauty of being human.
Your disdainful opinion for someone's music/religion/political views doesn't really matter...at all...and all it's going to do is make you lonely in the end if you try to insist that it should matter.
Oh honey. I'm classically trained as well. I've had classical vocal, trumpet, guitar, and piano training. I taught myself flute and french horn. I spent most of my childhood passionately studying music. My husband is currently in a university music program to become a classical vocal teacher.
Does that mean that anyone else's music preferences are any less legitimate? um. no. How very elitist to think that just because a style of music doesn't follow the rules or require training/talent, it's an illegitimate style and people shouldn't be allowed to like it. It's just MUSIC.
If you were a true lover of music, you would acquiesce that the whole point of music is to reach inside of a person and speak to them. It's to bring joy, release, sadness, whatever emotion the person needs...that's the point of music. To teach, to relax, to rile up...and if pop music does that for someone...that's great! that's music at it's best - appealing to the heart of an individual. It's not MY music, but then - it doesn't have to be.
Does that mean that anyone else's music preferences are any less legitimate? um. no. How very elitist to think that just because a style of music doesn't follow the rules or require training/talent, it's an illegitimate style and people shouldn't be allowed to like it. It's just MUSIC.
If you were a true lover of music, you would acquiesce that the whole point of music is to reach inside of a person and speak to them. It's to bring joy, release, sadness, whatever emotion the person needs...that's the point of music. To teach, to relax, to rile up...and if pop music does that for someone...that's great! that's music at it's best - appealing to the heart of an individual. It's not MY music, but then - it doesn't have to be.
COMMUNITY LEADER
This is the "RELATIONSHIPS" forum and not really meant for conversation about things like world philosophies. What did happen by all of the tangents you went on was that I got a better understanding of social issues you have. I don't mean to offend you by that but it is an observation to do with what you want.
You can't control other people or the world------ you can only control yourself. I'll say it one more time----- different view points and unique qualities one has make someone interesting (and dude, I live IN Ohio so it isn't the state) so there has to be another reason why you tend to be so off putting to others. It happened here even and it is more about how you handle situations than what you are saying. good luck to you and I'll end this by saying this is about all I can do for you at this point to try and help. Again, good luck and I hope you have peace in your heart and find what you are desperately seeking.
You can't control other people or the world------ you can only control yourself. I'll say it one more time----- different view points and unique qualities one has make someone interesting (and dude, I live IN Ohio so it isn't the state) so there has to be another reason why you tend to be so off putting to others. It happened here even and it is more about how you handle situations than what you are saying. good luck to you and I'll end this by saying this is about all I can do for you at this point to try and help. Again, good luck and I hope you have peace in your heart and find what you are desperately seeking.
I came here for theoretical conversation I guess, I don't get to communicate with many people offline so I try my best to communicate as much as I can online. I was hoping for some conversation on why I can't get a date that didn't involve changing my entire being, especially when I'm actually happy with who I am. I've got my depression, bipolar, and anxiety pretty much under control with the exception of a few days a month after something really stressful. It's not meant to be insulting, I'm just looking for conversation, I was hoping people could provide and understand that.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I don't think it is your views that offend but the way you present them. You are naive and young and I hope you find your way in this world.
I'm not sure if you came here for help as it doesn't really appear that way at this point. good luck to you.
I'm not sure if you came here for help as it doesn't really appear that way at this point. good luck to you.
Look, I'm not trying to be offensive, I know my beliefs are way off the norm, that's why, as a general rule, I keep them to myself.
The problem I have with pop music though, I'm classically trained, I'm really good at what I play, and I studied classical and baroque music for years. I don't understand how our music has fallen from majesty to people building music. The point of music isn't to say something verbally, it's to express something in nonverbally because you can't figure out how to express it verbally. Yes, there are some people who sing quite well I will not argue that, but they're not the ones that get famous, get attention, or get promotion. Pop music isn't felt, it is built, in a sense it is the same thing that they did at the Ministry of Truth in 1984, it's constructed by machines to make the people happy. That is not what music and art is about. My degree is in Graphic Design, but I'm having moral issues working in an industry where my art doesn't get credit as mine, and where it's only to promote a product.
Yes, many teenagers have my views, but maybe their the ones we should be listening to. What has listening to the older generation got us? Hatred, greed, corruption and the list goes on.
Don't take this as a personal attack, it's not, everyone says that I speak in riddles and speak vaguely, this is why, because my views offend so many people.
The problem I have with pop music though, I'm classically trained, I'm really good at what I play, and I studied classical and baroque music for years. I don't understand how our music has fallen from majesty to people building music. The point of music isn't to say something verbally, it's to express something in nonverbally because you can't figure out how to express it verbally. Yes, there are some people who sing quite well I will not argue that, but they're not the ones that get famous, get attention, or get promotion. Pop music isn't felt, it is built, in a sense it is the same thing that they did at the Ministry of Truth in 1984, it's constructed by machines to make the people happy. That is not what music and art is about. My degree is in Graphic Design, but I'm having moral issues working in an industry where my art doesn't get credit as mine, and where it's only to promote a product.
Yes, many teenagers have my views, but maybe their the ones we should be listening to. What has listening to the older generation got us? Hatred, greed, corruption and the list goes on.
Don't take this as a personal attack, it's not, everyone says that I speak in riddles and speak vaguely, this is why, because my views offend so many people.
Well.
Best of luck to ya. You seem to think you're the only one who sees things "as they really are" and "what's wrong with the world"...
The reality is...for every human on this planet, there is a different way to look at things. just because yours is "considered and deep" doesn't make it right, K? you gotta get over that. it's a very "15-year-old" P.o.V. Sorry to be harsh, but it is. We all go through that at some point; we think we've got it figured out....the rest of the world is full of drones, morons, sheep, and they're all idiots.
What does it hurt you if someone likes pop? so they like pop. you don't have to like it. So someone believes in a "fairy tale"...so?
Stop worrying so much about the "herd" that you profess to hate and start to find things to make yourself happy. cause this disdain of the rest of the world isn't working for you.
that's why no one gets along with you. you think you're better than just about everyone...gee, that would be a high bar to reach for so no one is going to bother.
I hope you find peace and happiness soon...but it's gonna take some hard work.
Best of luck to ya. You seem to think you're the only one who sees things "as they really are" and "what's wrong with the world"...
The reality is...for every human on this planet, there is a different way to look at things. just because yours is "considered and deep" doesn't make it right, K? you gotta get over that. it's a very "15-year-old" P.o.V. Sorry to be harsh, but it is. We all go through that at some point; we think we've got it figured out....the rest of the world is full of drones, morons, sheep, and they're all idiots.
What does it hurt you if someone likes pop? so they like pop. you don't have to like it. So someone believes in a "fairy tale"...so?
Stop worrying so much about the "herd" that you profess to hate and start to find things to make yourself happy. cause this disdain of the rest of the world isn't working for you.
that's why no one gets along with you. you think you're better than just about everyone...gee, that would be a high bar to reach for so no one is going to bother.
I hope you find peace and happiness soon...but it's gonna take some hard work.
I don't respect the incorrect beliefs and ideas of others, it's not an indiscriminate thing, if you're right and can prove you're right I don't have an issue, but when people spout off idealistic bs that's when I have a problem.
In regards to disdain to other people, I have a problem with people who blindly follow the heard, who, just because everyone else likes it they like it; people who listen to pop music and consider it "good"; people who like Twilight even though nearly every respectable critic has called the books gigantic piles of horse $h1t. My problem is that people tend to think they have good tastes when really they're just listening to what someone else says and spouts off the bs as if it was their idea, and the idea is completely wrong. In the end of the day, all of those people will amount to a lower middle class family and produce sheeple children, who will grow up and ruin our society further. I mean, it's a complete joke to consider people more than pawns, they don't think for themselves, they rely on the news to find out what's going on, they listen to the radio to find out what music is popular just so they can stay "hip".
There is one group of people I absolutely love, and it's the hipsters. Look at them, they don't care what people see, they don't care what people hear, they don't care what society wants; they do what they want even if it's ironically. Those are the people we as a society should be listening to, not the jocks who were A/B students when they really should have been D/F students. Intellectualism is dead, respect for philosophy is dead, any attempt to improve society in any given way is dead, science is dying, and religion and bigotry run rampant. I don't mean offense to the religious here, it's just that instead of trying to push forward and improve, current society thinks that we should conserve old world beliefs. As a race, I think that most people have outgrown the need for the bedtime story that is religion, whether it's actually the word of God, the word of man in the form of the first written fiction, or the words of some alien who came down and tried to explain to us how the universe works in words that we could, at the time, understand. Even if there is a God, wouldn't he want us to live to our full potential, wouldn't he want us to travel the universe that he created for us, wouldn't he want us to learn about why things work the way they work? I have this image in my head of God looking down upon the curches of the world with a WTF face and his face in his hands, he gave you brains, the ability to question, and the ability to advance, why squander it?
Progressivism is dead, and I've become a relic of the dead society, and that's what really irritates me.
In regards to disdain to other people, I have a problem with people who blindly follow the heard, who, just because everyone else likes it they like it; people who listen to pop music and consider it "good"; people who like Twilight even though nearly every respectable critic has called the books gigantic piles of horse $h1t. My problem is that people tend to think they have good tastes when really they're just listening to what someone else says and spouts off the bs as if it was their idea, and the idea is completely wrong. In the end of the day, all of those people will amount to a lower middle class family and produce sheeple children, who will grow up and ruin our society further. I mean, it's a complete joke to consider people more than pawns, they don't think for themselves, they rely on the news to find out what's going on, they listen to the radio to find out what music is popular just so they can stay "hip".
There is one group of people I absolutely love, and it's the hipsters. Look at them, they don't care what people see, they don't care what people hear, they don't care what society wants; they do what they want even if it's ironically. Those are the people we as a society should be listening to, not the jocks who were A/B students when they really should have been D/F students. Intellectualism is dead, respect for philosophy is dead, any attempt to improve society in any given way is dead, science is dying, and religion and bigotry run rampant. I don't mean offense to the religious here, it's just that instead of trying to push forward and improve, current society thinks that we should conserve old world beliefs. As a race, I think that most people have outgrown the need for the bedtime story that is religion, whether it's actually the word of God, the word of man in the form of the first written fiction, or the words of some alien who came down and tried to explain to us how the universe works in words that we could, at the time, understand. Even if there is a God, wouldn't he want us to live to our full potential, wouldn't he want us to travel the universe that he created for us, wouldn't he want us to learn about why things work the way they work? I have this image in my head of God looking down upon the curches of the world with a WTF face and his face in his hands, he gave you brains, the ability to question, and the ability to advance, why squander it?
Progressivism is dead, and I've become a relic of the dead society, and that's what really irritates me.
No offense, but being an Atheist is probably the worst thing you could be here. I get treated almost as bad as sex offenders, my life has actually been threatened seriously over the subject multiple times. And I don't just off the cuff tell people I'm atheist, usually I tell people I know and it gets out and spread around. I was a militant Atheist for a while because of this to the point of reading the bible, highlighting sections that are completely contradictory to other sections, rule that are set and people who broke the rules but it was "justified". Look, I'm no idiot, racism, sexism, and people who want to eradicate the existence of other religions exist, and they always will due to social and societal needs.
You're right though many of my relationships were doomed from the start. Knowing that one of my best friends was starting to hang out with a kid who bullied me daily made me see that he was going to turn into a giant ******* and not even realize it. He put me on his hit-list, and he's the only person I've ever told that I would kill and meant it.
You're right though many of my relationships were doomed from the start. Knowing that one of my best friends was starting to hang out with a kid who bullied me daily made me see that he was going to turn into a giant ******* and not even realize it. He put me on his hit-list, and he's the only person I've ever told that I would kill and meant it.
In reading Your comments here it seems that You are judgemental of others and maybe - just maybe - that's what others don't like, or find objectionable
.
You also said early on (Your 2nd post) :
"meeting people is something I don't really enjoy. I actually find it quite tedious and irritating".
This is quite a telling (arrogant?) statement - maybe people "pick up" on this attitude and maybe if You were to adjust that attitude people would react differently to You.
I agree with Ashelen's quote regarding a, common denominator. "Everyone" is not going to "hate" You unless You are unpleasant to be around.
.
You also said early on (Your 2nd post) :
"meeting people is something I don't really enjoy. I actually find it quite tedious and irritating".
This is quite a telling (arrogant?) statement - maybe people "pick up" on this attitude and maybe if You were to adjust that attitude people would react differently to You.
I agree with Ashelen's quote regarding a, common denominator. "Everyone" is not going to "hate" You unless You are unpleasant to be around.
My husband is both an introvert and atheist. I'm an extrovert and Methodist. I love being around people and believe in God and all that. We get along just fine and our friends don't seem to care at all about his personal preferences.
Religion and being outgoing or not is not an excuse to be so negative and miserable. Stop blaming everybody around you for your misery. Try being around positive people and if there is a subject you know will cause controversy, why not just avoid that subject?
Religion and being outgoing or not is not an excuse to be so negative and miserable. Stop blaming everybody around you for your misery. Try being around positive people and if there is a subject you know will cause controversy, why not just avoid that subject?
Well gotta strike out sometimes, right specialmom?
I didn't mean to say it in the sense that it's YOUR fault...but the common denominator in any relationship you are in is YOU. Whether you're a part of why they fail or not, that is of course a matter that should be discovered through reflection and introspection. But the truth is...for every relationship in the past, you've been there. you've been a part of it. it's time for you to figure out why things keep failing with YOU. I doubt you're the reason they've all failed...you're just not an awful person, so I don't believe you're the root cause of past relationship failures. but you ARE the common denominator...so what isn't working?
You can write off some relationships (friends and otherwise) as bad combinations. sometimes people just don't mesh together. no biggie..just push those aside. some you can attribute to the other person. some people are intractable and unwilling to compromise or be giving in a relationship, and those inevitably end. but some of them (for ALL of us!) are going to be a result of your actions. I can think of several relationships in my past that were ended because of my actions.
I would say that's a good place to start figuring out what's not gelling with other people. because those who are the closest to us can often give us the clues to what it is about us a person in general that we need to improve. because these are the people most likely to forgive us for our faults...so what is it that they just couldn't overlook? that is somewhere to start. Believe me, I hate looking at myself that way, but I've discovered a few little nasties about myself by dissecting past relationships that way.
I don't necessarily see why being an atheist would be a road-block to a relationship. Some of my best friends are atheists even though I'm a catholic. atheists today are far more accepted than they have been in any time period in modern civilization. why does everyone who meets you need to know you're an atheist off the bat? just like information about past relationships, my religious beliefs never come up until I know someone well enough to share that part of myself.
I didn't mean to say it in the sense that it's YOUR fault...but the common denominator in any relationship you are in is YOU. Whether you're a part of why they fail or not, that is of course a matter that should be discovered through reflection and introspection. But the truth is...for every relationship in the past, you've been there. you've been a part of it. it's time for you to figure out why things keep failing with YOU. I doubt you're the reason they've all failed...you're just not an awful person, so I don't believe you're the root cause of past relationship failures. but you ARE the common denominator...so what isn't working?
You can write off some relationships (friends and otherwise) as bad combinations. sometimes people just don't mesh together. no biggie..just push those aside. some you can attribute to the other person. some people are intractable and unwilling to compromise or be giving in a relationship, and those inevitably end. but some of them (for ALL of us!) are going to be a result of your actions. I can think of several relationships in my past that were ended because of my actions.
I would say that's a good place to start figuring out what's not gelling with other people. because those who are the closest to us can often give us the clues to what it is about us a person in general that we need to improve. because these are the people most likely to forgive us for our faults...so what is it that they just couldn't overlook? that is somewhere to start. Believe me, I hate looking at myself that way, but I've discovered a few little nasties about myself by dissecting past relationships that way.
I don't necessarily see why being an atheist would be a road-block to a relationship. Some of my best friends are atheists even though I'm a catholic. atheists today are far more accepted than they have been in any time period in modern civilization. why does everyone who meets you need to know you're an atheist off the bat? just like information about past relationships, my religious beliefs never come up until I know someone well enough to share that part of myself.
COMMUNITY LEADER
What is difficult, if I am to be honest, is that while you are quite articulate, you also are not open to things it seems. You feel you want others similar to you and have no rspect for other's opinions, etc. and I am getting a general sense of disdain for the general population that you seem to have (or at least I think I'm reading that here)----- and it makes me wonder if this hasn't become your defense mechanism over the years. Unfortunately, it very well may be a key component to what your original question was---- why you are having trouble dating and making lasting relationships.
I know that you have eluded to difficulty working with mental health professionals and medication but am a bit concerned that some of your current coping mechanisms aren't the best. Do you still see a psychiatrist and/or a psychologist?
I know that you have eluded to difficulty working with mental health professionals and medication but am a bit concerned that some of your current coping mechanisms aren't the best. Do you still see a psychiatrist and/or a psychologist?
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