Bout to lose it! Need advice soon

[psychdegree]

I HATE to sound like a whiny girlfriend but i SWARE I feel like I am in a relationship thats actually just having a roomate! We go do what we have to do come home & then its like were not in the same house. I don't get it & its driving me crazy. Not only that were not having sex bc we suspect he has low T. I don't know what to do anymore I ask to spend time with him but he just has more "important" things to do (play with etc.) thats fine but not everyday & every night..Im 27 hes 29 & we havent even been together an entire year yet. I feel so alone & I just wonna cry bc theres no talking to him bc he thinks I want to spend every moment with him.. but I dont think at least one hour, even before bed to have his entire attention to watch tv or whatever. Ah Im sorry for most who think Im crazy but I'm just lost...its been going on for a while now & I DO NOT know how to get through to him. I want a relationship where I know I am loved & that I'm not just here at his convenience. What do I do??? :(

[psychdegree]

Thanks..yea marriage will be farrrr away for me! He's under stress & some how hope & prayer & ppl to talk to is all I can do to see if this last..

[specialmom]

Oh boy, I would not recommend getting married when there are compatibility issues.  That is really not wise at all.  Then when a couple decides for sure they are not a good match, there is a divorce to deal with.  

People should work these things out FIRST.  Absolutely.

anyway, don't get side tracked by that line of thinking as I don't think it is going to help you.  usually sexual incompatibility issues do not recover due to marriage but get worse.  

So focus on if things never improved if you'd want to be with this man forever.  good luck

[psychdegree]

Thanks everyone & I completely agree..he was waiting for a this new job to move (or so he says) & were both using my car..we are together constantly..that has to play a big part in this. He put a ring on my finger (a rather big one) yet were not engaged bc he n I wanted to wait till his divorce was final (bc he said he didn't want me to just have 50% of him) he actually just left to sign the papers. I'm thinking maybe the divorce has been weighing on him bc were both Christian & we do not sleep in the same bed (yet I kno sex is wrong b4
marriage) we recently had to move n2 my parents home bc I just grad college & haven't found work..but sex was no different when we first moved in so its not that..I'm hoping once he gets a car & will have more time apart...

[Life360_Dave]

Hi and sorry what your going through. Part of the problem i see is your just his girlfriend. Maybe you should step this up a knotch and get married. Men are funny this way and when he knows your all his it should set the spark again for a while. But really in the long run what is happening with him now would happen eventually. The longer couples are married the less intimate they become (especially the man) and 40 years from now, you both will have become best friends to be there for eachother till the good Lord calls us home.
Its not that hes not attracted to you but is comfortable in his own home. You might want to try using some of the sentuality that when you first met him.

[specialmom]

I think Rockrose has asked a good question.  You've written several posts on this here.  He's not trying to find out if there is something medically causing his low sexual desire (and even if there is, that takes time to correct) or make changes.  This is what it is.  i would assume this is what a sex life (or lack of) with him would be like.  Figure out if you can deal with it or would rather not and make a decision to stay or go.  

We need to make GOOD relationship choices.  You two haven't been together all that long and already are sexually incompatible and it is not what you want. This is a good reason to move on and find a partner you are a better match with.  good luck

[Chima7]

If it hasn't even been a year yet and you're already having these kinds of problems then I think it is time to reevaluate whether its worth continuing the relationship. You're supposed to still be in that honeymoon phase where you can't wait to be with each other and want to be together often. The fact that you're just like roommates is a bad sign that maybe you're not as well suited as you thought you were.

It's easy to slip into a too comfortable position of roommates when you're spending too much time in the same small space. Something big needs to change If you want this to have any hope of surviving. He should move out into his own place so you guys can have some time apart to give you a chance to be away from each other. If you start to miss each other then you know it's worth continuing the relationship. But if you find that you're both better off apart then you also have your answer that this is not the right relationship.

You can't be afraid of that. Wouldn't you rather break it off knowing that you don't belongtogether than to keep trying and trying when all along you weren't compatible? Neither one of you is getting any younger and the longer you spend trying to shove a square peg into a round hole the more time you waste that could have been more productive to meet someone who was much better suited for you. As a woman you only have a limited time in which to have kids so if that's something you want in the future you can't waste time in a relationship that is going nowhere.

I think what you need to do is live separately and try to start the "dating" thing again where you plan dates and go out together a few times a week. Spend time apart too so you can give each other a chance to miss each other and then figure out where to go from there.

Someone needs to make a big change here or else nothing is going to get better. Of course it's all up to you how you want to deal with this but I think it's very important for one of you to make a big move to get this unstuck. And I really think that big move needs to be him leaving because it would give you a chance to start over.

[psychdegree]

I know how good our relationship can be & has been before the past months & I do love him..but hes blaming everything on low T which effects affection & everything...which we wont know till he goes to the doc. Mainly bc I love him & Im trying to have hope he will realize Im not gonna just wait around. Idk theres just so much confusion. & I give him his space too so i dont get it. & its my house I cant move & he has no where to go

[RockRose]

Is there some reason you aren't able to break up and move out?