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Boyfriend Going Overseas

SO, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months and whilst I realise the time is very insignificant, we have a great connection and I am falling in love with him more every day. Before we were together he had organised a trip overseas for 2 months. I am having trouble dealing with the situation. I have asked him if he is sure he wants to be in a relationship whilst overseas and he said he is sure. I ended a 3 and a half year relationship 7 months before we got together and have quite an unhealthy fear of rejection and being alone. I would be the first to admit that.
I am concerned on what the "ettiquette" is for a boyfriend being overseas? I do not want to appear clingy and needy as I know that will push him away, but do I just wait to hear from him?? Do i try and contact him first? We have a bit of a funny relationship. I think we are still trying to find the happyy medium and the boundaries which are formed in a long term relationship. Can someone help who may've been in a similar situation. Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated.

Thank you.
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Avatar universal
These comments are amazing! Thank you to everyone that replied. I am so greatful for this advice.
LaDonna, he will have Internet and he will have his phone so I guess there isn't an excuse for him to not contact me. However I do realize that he will be on holidays and he will be out doing things.
So I think you (and everyone) is right. I will just take it as it comes, relax and let it ride.

Londres, thank you for your story. It is comforting to know I am not the only woman going through this torture. This will only be for 2 months, I think I would lose my head if it was for a year! You are a strong woman!!!! That is a truly amazing feat and I am happy to hear that you and your (now) husban with stood the test and are now married. That installs a great deal of hope in me! So I thank you.

Kayannaboo, we have established that we are exclusive, and have a great relationship apart from the non emotion part of the relationship. Like I said in my original post, we are still trying to find te boundaries of our relationship and as we are both stubborn, being the firt one to contact the other every day is still a bit of a game between us, but there's nothing wrong with a bit of excitement an trying to set those boundaries.

Once again everyone, thank you for your amazing advice. I am going to try and take every single piece on board, and hopefully I will get through it and hopefully our relationship will survive the test and tremendous strain it is about to be put under! I will be sure to get back to you with n update on how it goes. Thank you, your kindness has been much appreciated! Xx
Helpful - 0
1415482 tn?1459702714
Well he is coming back and so the long distance romance will only be for a short time. I completely understand your view as I am pretty sure I would be over analyzing. Sometimes not knowing what your significant other is up to is a real drag but you have to let yourself know that sometimes thinking about it too much will set you and the other person against each other. Even though you are feeling a little bit as if you want to keep your reigns on him tightened at the moment, I applaud you for keeping cool and not doing so.

This was a good move because as you stated your boyfriend is not over emotional and that's usually a sign that they are not particular about strong emotions being thrown on them. I know plenty of persons who do not show much emotion and getting such out of them is like a root canal. That doesn't mean that they do not love and do not feel strongly.

As to your question, I agree that you should let him lead the way on the whole overseas situation based on his persona. You wouldn't want to come off as the overbearing girlfriend he has to come back to. Its not to say you will not try to communicate with him as much as possible, but do not over do the calling, texting etc. I assume you two have come to an agreement that you are an exclusive couple? Or has it been implied? If so, then that's it.
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Avatar universal
BTW:  That fiance is now my husband.
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Avatar universal
Will agree with the above posters.

Don't over analyze and relax.  

Before you know it the two months will be done.

Personally, I have experienced the same situation.  My then fiance was living in the Far East for a year r/t business and I was living in France.  We did lots of letters, phone calls, sent pictures, etc.  I did experience a bit of angst when he left, but I was ok over time.  The year actually went pretty quick.  He came back to France 1-2 times during that year too.  

It will be ok dear.
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1829282 tn?1325591658
Oh, in terms of the contact thing... maybe you could ask him about it?

Will he have phone... internet... right away? If so I don't see anything wrong with asking him to call you when he is safe and sound where he is going overseas :-)

Could always set up a tentative schedule for checking-in as well. I did this with my bf when he went for 2 weeks to Florida with his guy friends (ugh, was not a fun 2 weeks!) and he was receptive to it and called me every 2 days with no issues.
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1829282 tn?1325591658
Are you over analyzing? Yes, I think we as women do that a lot. Haha.

I hear you on the nonemotional boyfriend front though.

Men, not all mind you, but most men are in relationships differently then we women are. They are ok (most!) spending time apart... and that equals extended time apart.

Do not fall apart if he isn't full of "oh I miss you so much" es... it doesn't mean he doesn't miss you. I agree with Annie... just let the relationship go as it is... TRY TRY TRY not to place your insecurities on him and demand too much too quickly.

Be positive that he has told you he wants to be in a relationship with you still while he is away and trust that he will be faithful. Don't be hard on yourself either if you compare him to your ex.. how would you not? But, it is important to keep the problems from your last relationship away from this one. It isn't the same. :-)

Good luck hun!
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Avatar universal
Annie, thank you so much for your  comments. It really is appreciated. He is a very private person and sometimes it is hard to get emotion from him especially a romantic feeling. For him to say anything romantic or complimentary is quite rare. By no means is he degrading or puts me down in any way. I guess it makes me appreciate the times he is affectionate and romantic. My ex wore his heart on his sleeve and was almost too emotional. And I fear as though I am comparing my new man to him. It is quite frustrating not being able pry an emotion from him. I am quite nervous and do not want to push him away. I think that I might need to just relax and know that even if I don't talk to him much, he is coming back. If he decides he doesn't want to be together when he is back, then I guess he wasn't worth the effort in the first place. Am I over analyzing? I may need to seek a phsycologist.
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134578 tn?1693250592
He's going away and coming back?  That's not so bad; you don't have to demand a commitment or decide anything, since he'll be back no matter what.  That sets up a possible exciting reunion.

I'd let him lead, as to tone and mood in your emails.  He'll be doing new and different things every day and might be full of them, if so, stay calm and act interested but don't hit any heavy emotional buttons.  On the other hand, if he is lonely and miserable, go with it and tell him how much you love him.
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