6548496 tn?1384490023

Boyfriend Problems

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a long time and i have found out he has cheated on me more than once but i love him and dont want to lose him is there any advice anybody can give me he is the only thing that makes me happy and he was my first for everythign
55 Responses
Avatar universal
Are you worried you won't find someone else?  I wouldn't worry about that.  Believe me he isn't the ONLY man on the planet earth that wants to be with you.  Doubt that.  I believe this but the problem is that you don't believe this and you need to.  

He should be upset with what he did because it was rotten.  He said he was thinking about you?  You mean during all the times he cheated on you?

Being that you are only 17 having a bf should be the least of your worries.  

I think you need to work on your self-esteem and self-worth because it sounds like you have little to none and you should do this without a guy in your life.

For some reason you are linking your self-worth to a guy.  This is extremely concerning.  

Many people have had a "first" bf and a "first" true love.  Though it may feeling like the world is ending when the relationship doesn't work out the reality is that the world ISN'T ending and you will get through the breakup.  

We teach people how to treat us.  You are allowing him to continue to mistreat you if you stay.  

Your choice........

All the best.
Avatar universal

I am going to give you advise like I would give my own daughter. It is probably best you let this bf go.  I would definitely not be planning a future with someone who treats or has treated you in such a bad way.  You deserve better than that.  Plus, given the fact you are only 17 you should be figuring yourself out and not worrying about marriage or babies.  

Do you have any dreams, goals or aspirations of your own?  You should have your own dreams, etc.  I wouldn't recommend making a guy the center of your world meaning everything revolves around him.  

You mentioned this guy is the "only" thing that makes you happy.  That is concerning.  There is nothing else that makes you happy?  

What do your parents think about this guy?  

It's concerning that you are afraid to lose someone who treated you rotten.  I am not sure if you are struggling with self-esteem issues and you just don't think you deserve better.  Believe me.....you deserve better.  

134578 tn?1614729226
Ditto Londres.  You've got to feel you are worth more than some jerk who cheats on you.  Time to do some things you enjoy and that make you realize your own worth.  There are tons of men, but only one you, and your job is to learn to value yourself.
Avatar universal
You cant teach an old dog new tricks..ones a nasty dog habits always a nasty dog.
Avatar universal
He should'nt be the only thing in your life that makes you happy. You're only 17 years old and have your whole life ahead of you. You want to marry this guy? What will happen if he cheats on you when you get married and have kids?
4522800 tn?1470325834
YOU are very YOUNG..YOU will find True Love..Do not hang onto a insecured loser. Trust and Communication & RESPECT is in your Future with a good man..I would say to him to hit the road and hit it hard babyeee..Do not look back.
6548496 tn?1384490023
yea but we have been together for years
480448 tn?1426948538
The ladies above gave you great advice.  You're 17.  Just because you have been with him for "years" doesn't mean he's "the one".  There is a good reason we date before choosing our life partner.  It's so we can find someone who meets our expectations in every way.  Having an emotional connection is nice, and is important, but it's not the only thing.  

He's familiar, he's something you're used to in your life.  That's what makes it seem impossible to move on, but you can, and you will find someone who treats you MUCH better.  Please, set the bar HIGH for yourself about how you expect others to treat you.  This BF has fallen way short IMO.

Start getting engaged in life, NO ONE should be your "everything".  You need a well rounded life that includes friends, family, hobbies, work, etc, om TOP of any romantic relationship.  A codependent relationship is just not healthy.  I too advise you to move on, find happiness within yourself, THEN start thinking about dating again.  I know it's hard, but really think about it.  You deserve better dear.

I wish you the best.
Avatar universal
@17 nothing is all figured out in regards to the rest of your life that includes who you are going to be with for the rest of your life.  

I thought my first bf @18 was "the one" too........but of course I was young and very wrong.  Yes, he was my first for everything too, but in the end it wasn't meant to be.  I thought I would never get over him and it hurt but over time I did.  Now I am married to a wonderful man.  

There is NO amount of years together worth giving up your self-respect.  This guy just gave you a glimpse of how he can be and that is NO good.  

6548496 tn?1384490023
Thanks everyone i uderstand but if i break up with him he said he would kill his self because he cant live without me im in such a mix up
4522800 tn?1470325834
Now, Now..Do you really think he would do this..I am sorry but it sounds like he wants his Cake and Eat it too!! Tell him you can not go on in a relationship with someone who is cheating and making you look like a fool..Put your Foot down..If HE really Loves you then he is going to have to WORK VERY HARD to PROVE it and to gain the TRUST Back again..Do not let him play games with you..You are TOO Young..I know.I am 57 years old and been down this road Too many times when I was young..Now I have been happily married to a man for 28 years that I used to ride the school bus with. God works in many ways.
6548496 tn?1384490023
yea because he told me face to face that he has never let anybody in his heart like me
Avatar universal
"Kill himself?".......I doubt this.  Sounds like he is a great manipulator too.  Cheaters are very good at manipulating situations.  Trust me.......he is bluffing.  

"yea because he told me face to face that he has never let anybody in his heart like me.".......Well, when he was cheating on you numerous times were you still in his heart then?"  

Don't let anyone "toy" with you.  He is doing exactly that.  He thinks you will fall for anything he says because he probably feels you are easy prey.

And if he is truly that disturbed/mentally unstable you definitely should be parting ways with him.  Anyone who makes statements that concerning needs professional help immediately IF he indeed did state this.  

Where are your parents with all this going on?  Do they know anything about this?  

Don't let him make a fool out of you.  Walk away from this immediately and focus on you.  

This is something a 17 year old girl shouldn't be experiencing at ALL.  
6548496 tn?1384490023
I know i know but he is upest with what he did and he said he was thinkg about me the whole time idk what to do i love him he is my first true love and i dont know if i can find anybody else
Avatar universal
Londres70 is absolutely correct.  Cheaters are great manipulators and they are great controllers!!

Once upon a time I was married to a guy who cheated and cheated and cheated some more.  I was very young and every time I threatened to leave He would tell me if I did He would kill HimSelf.  That's how He controlled me.  I stayed and He kept cheating.  After 15 years of His cheating I FINALLY left Him.  That was 37 years ago and guess what?? He's still alive!! H E   D I D N' T  K I L L  H I M S E L F!!  In fact He remarried and now He cheats on Her!!  He's the Father of my Children which is how I  know He still cheats.

If Your BoyFriend loved You, He would  N O T cheat
You are not responsible for His choices!!
He is N O T thinking about You the whole time He is cheating.  That simply is not true!!
Avatar universal
Heed to what TTinKKerBBell is saying.......she's been down the road you are headed if you continue a relationship with this guy and it isn't pretty.
6548496 tn?1384490023
i understand but the thing is everytime we break up we always end up back together i always regret it but its hard to say no when you feel like he has changed and this is the first time in all the times we have dated that he has cheated on me he has cheated on me with the same girl twice and he comes and tells me and i dont understand what i am doing wrong we do everything we are together 24/7 can this be the reason he is cheating because we are together all the time?
134578 tn?1614729226
Boo, you are deliberately letting yourself be fooled and manipulated by a guy (who frankly doesn't have to work very hard to do it because you are so afraid not to have a boyfriend).  Stop being silly; place some value on you, yourself.  He won't kill himself, he's just into the fun of manipulating you so he can feel powerful.  "Hey, I've got them hanging all over me, more than one woman wants me," etc.  I think you should be making some ambitious life plans starring yourself, not you hanging on the arm of some sleazy guy who has no moral base.
Avatar universal
He cheats on You 'cuz He CAN!!
He cheats 'cuz when He does You STAY.

There is nothing You can do to cause Him to stop cheating.  It's all about Him.   You are NOT "doing something wrong", HE is!!

People who have Character, Morals, Standards, Integrity, Do Not Cheat.

In a relationship where one cares (loves) more than the other - it's the one who cares the least that has the power (control)

It's "little girl silly" to think any guy is "the one and only".  The world is full of guys who have the same standards You have and who would be more deserving of You.  You have choices.

Or, You could do what I did.  You could stay with Your cheater for 15 years, go through heartbreak after heartbreak, have 3 children with Him before You ever muster enough confidence to believe You deserve something better.  
I don't know how many affairs my Husband had but the ones I know of consisted of Friends(?) of mine and Both my Brothers Wives!!  I have no words in my vocabulary to describe the anguish and despair I felt all those years.  Today, I'd like never to see Him again but alas, we share Children and GrandChildren so I'm kind and polite for Their sake.  Do You know how hard it is to smile at a creepy crawly snake?

6548496 tn?1384490023
so he did it again today and i broke up with him i dont know how to take it because i did truly love him but i cant be with somebody that is going to keep doing this to me
Avatar universal
Boobear......you are doing the right thing.  This guy isn't for you.  

How to take it?.........Well, take it as a step in the right direction; a positive and healthier direction for you.  Now is the time to focus on your goals......it's your time dear.  I am not saying it will be easy to get over the relationship or that you will be over him in a day or two, BUT this is something you needed to do for you.  Some things aren't easy, but are necessary to do in life.  Don't waste your youth and life on nonsense.  

Totally agree with Tink.
6548496 tn?1384490023
idk what to do
Avatar universal
He said he would'nt cheat again, you though he would'nt, you took him back and guess what? He cheated again just like the above posters said he would.
Why in the world would you want to be with someone who hurts you so bad? You don't deserve that. I've seen some of your other posts and comments here. You seem to really care about other people and give great advice. Just because you've been with this guy for a long time and he was your first for everything does'nt mean you have to stay with him. It's been a learning experience. We have those in life. Time to move on and live the kind of life you deserve. You really are a wonderful young woman.
973741 tn?1342342773
Good advice Remar.  Well said.  
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