697574 tn?1273955747

Break up- what do I do next?

I know I post on here alot about my relationship but when I have no where to turn I have everyone on here that usually makes me feel better.

If anyone read my post over the past 6 months. I have been sad and unhappy in my relationship. The big thing is I moved down from NJ with my family to Florida for grad school- fell in love. Its been almost 2 years. I moved in to his place in May thinking I need to give it a shot before grad school is over the end of November.

Our lease ends the end of November and he assumed we were moving in with his parents for a few months to get on our feet and save money but the I realized I need to move back home. I am just not happy in the relationship or living so far away from my family. I told him last night (in tears) that I am just not happy living down here and I miss my family. I need to be closer to my family and feel guilty I am not there for him. I told him Im not going to ask him to move with me because I know he is happy here with all his family and friends an he just started a new job. All he said or did was that he cant move because he does not want to lose his job and be jobless.

Now I dont know how to act around him. In the morning I usually kiss him goodbye, just because its the thing we do, not really because I feel it is right. This morning I just said bye and didnt kiss him. I was going to see how the next week goes still living together and decide whether I should move in with my friend or live with him another 4 weeks. I am so confused and its so hard to know what to do. My friend said we didnt offically break up? I have never been in this situation before and its so hard for me.
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697574 tn?1273955747
This morning I talked to him and said I am definitely leaving the first week of December. I told him I do not expect him to move with me because I know he is happy here with his friends and family around, especially because he has a new job he likes. I asked him where we stand and if either of us feel uncomfortable living together I can move out. He said it was fine and we can live together the next 4 weeks but he is going to have to start moving stuff out.

I sent his mom a message to explain to her what we decided, because I am very close to his mom. She said she will respond later because she is too sad right now.

The hardest part is knowing I made him sad and his mom is sad, I dont like seeing people sad and it keeps making me tear up. I know my decision is what I wanted because I have been thinking about it so long.

My mom has been a great help talking to me and my two friends down here. I just need to take a deep breath and say everything will be okay. I am just hoping the next 4 weeks will be fine and I can focus on my fieldwork. Thank you to everyone on here too, for all your support and suggestions.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ya know, nothing comes without a price. The guy just wants you to make up your mind and let him know. It sounds more like you are wanting him to fall on his knees and beg you to stay so you will feel validated that he is so in love with you. My guess is this. He is okay with it and not begging which tells me he is okay with it. Tell him! Stay if you want but I think you would be better off going to that friends house since you are so emotional and uncomfortable. Do it and be done. Otherwise your putting off the inevitable and it is not fair. Or are you sure that you want to move on and that is the issue? It is beginning to sound more like the problem is with your undecisiveness. He has given you an out, take it. If he were all that into you he would be fighting to get you to stay. Is that what you are having problems with? The fact that he is not?
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Hon, you have decided to break up and he is being really nice about it.  Perhaps you wanted him to fight you on it but he is letting you stay in the place for 4 weeks until your field work is over and then you can move back to NJ.  It is what you really wanted, right?  I'd stay cordial----------- kiss him if you want or don't if you don't want to.  And have that serious talk 2 days before you are leaving.  He knows you will most likely go and is saying he understands and it is okay.  

Don't let your pride get in the way of moving onto a happier life.  Let it go.  Be nice until it is time to move and then nice too as you say an official good bye.  good luck.  I k now you are sad but this is what you wanted, right?
Helpful - 0
697574 tn?1273955747
Our convo over txt tonight when he was out at his friends:

me: I kinda was like i think we need to talk where we stand

Him:  he said he wont ask me to stay, he said he wants me to and he loves me so much but if im not happy here i wont ask you to sacrifice ur happiness for mine.

me : Its makes me so sad and ive been sad all day but i need to think about where i will be happiest too. I just dont know how we are supposed to act around another and if its okay to still live with each other if i defiently decide to move after field work.

him:  i respect you decision any which way you go....knowing sooner would be better so i can adjust

Me: I said if its okay we can talk tommorow morning..
Helpful - 0
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