Child's father trying to befriend me again

[SweetPeaPrincess]

Okay, here goes: I had a short term relationship that ended with a little princess.  He moved on after 3 months of her birth. I went through post partum depression, lost my dream career before she was born and had to move in with my family with whom it was hell.  He got engaged when the baby was 5 months and I took a vow of celibacy and got my life back on track. Fast forward 4 yrs later and now life is so damn great! He's married again expecting another child next month.  He started coming to my house and trying to talk to me, befriend me and talks to me about his current wife being hell, won't leave him alone, no privacy, kept on a very short leash. Told me he was sorry for all the hurt he caused me (4 yrs too late) and told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he's realized that. My question is, why do you think he's doing this now? I am so happy and grateful for my child but I wish I had chosen a different father. I have a happy life, business, finished my degree, bought a house and travel once more and it took 3 yrs to get here. His wife totally hates me, I have no idea why, she and I don't even talk, she's 22 and he's 34.  He texts me sometimes asking how I am doing and I ignore him. What could be causing this sudden behavior?  I don't trust him at all and want to shed some light on his behavior. He's also come to me for advice with his current wife and their issues, I told him he needed to talk to him wife about that and left it at that.  

[brice1967]

Trust your gut on this and keep this guy at arms length.  He moved on and that is his cross to bear.  You moved on and found happiness.... Keep it that way and don't worry about what would be causing this sudden behavior.  This behavior is his and his to keep.  

[SweetPeaPrincess]

Thank you so much for the kind words.  We are just everyday people who want to make the world a little nicer for a few kids.  Oh and I meant that my I hope my child's father doesn't neglect our daughter when his current wife gives birth next month.  My man is wonderful to princess and she loves him very much and calls him uncle. They have their own relationship, (I got really lucky) .

Londres, I know he's miserable but that's his problem, I do agree he needs to grow up and get his S**t together but I am no counselor or therapist and not equipped to handle his issues. I had enough of a struggle getting back on my feet,he needs to find his own solutions to his issues.  

Thank you all for the insight and well wishes I had to get that off my chest and my guy is totally clueless about those issues too, so he recommended I ask online, lol.  Thank you all once again. You've all been very helpful.

[Londres70]

"My question is, why do you think he's doing this now?".......He's miserable and wants to dump this on someone, i.e. you, since you both are connected by a child.  

"He's also come to me for advice with his current wife and their issues, I told him he needed to talk to him wife about that and left it at that.".......Absolutely.  That's the thing to do.

Sounds like he has some serious issues with relationships that he needs to address and he needs to mature and quit playing all these silly games.  

Bottom line:  He's not happy, but you are and I am sure he is hating that.  You moved on and found heaven.  

[Nighthawk61]

God Bless you both for wanting to adopt. What a wonderful family you're creating for Princess.  I will pray for you that your daughter has siblings and both you and your husband have the love of more children.  I just know that a man unselfish enough to adopt children will not forsake your own sweet girl. I'm sure that his love and devotion to you extends to your daughter. Have no fear, and try to stop yourself from thinking that this could ever happen. You sound like a very responsible mother, and really think that you would have read the signs should that ever have been a consideration. Have faith honey, your daughter is a mini you, and as such, is lovable beyond measure. Step Dad's do love their spouses children. When my late husband passed, my current husband took over my son's care with me. He was 11 at the time, and he treats him like his own. They built their own relationship over the years, and they mean as much to each other as if they were blood relatives.  It is such a responsible, and green thing to do, to lift up the spirits of these lost little souls.  I have SO much respect for adoptive parents. I just know that there's a special place in heaven for heroes like yourselves.

[SweetPeaPrincess]

Thank you so much. :)
I try to be the best mother that I can be although I do doubt myself at times and ask myself if I am doing good enough but those thoughts only last a second and just seeing her makes any doubt disappear.  We are contemplating adopting a few children and giving them a permanent family and a permanent home.  So happy Mr. Right is onboard with it all.  I am so hoping and praying that when his new baby comes he doesn't forget about princess.

[Nighthawk61]

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. It's wonderful to hear that you've found your Mr. Right. You sound like a great mother to your daughter and I hope for her sake that her daddy plays nice and looks after his responsibilities to her as well. A child can't have too much love. God Bless.  

[SweetPeaPrincess]

Thank you.

[specialmom]

That is terrific!  Yes, karma can definately work in our favor, can't it?  I wish you much happiness and again, admire your clear head when it comes to your daughter.  good luck

[specialmom]

Well that is great!  You sound like you've made a nice peaceful home for your daughter and that is the way it should be.  It's hard on your own and you've made it work.  I again would think he is 'acting out' out of a subconscious fear about becoming a father with his current wife.  But whatever the reason, sounds like you are stearing clear and that is good.  Your only job with him is to make sure he has access to your daughter so they can continue their relationship (for her sake).  Some men really lose it when a baby is going to be born.  Glad your daughter has you to care for her.  

[SweetPeaPrincess]

Thank you so much.  He did a world of hurt to me but karma is sweet and I am a woman of faith, you reap what you sow.  This is not the first time he's tried to come back to me, at first he used our daughter as a pretext and I put an end to that really quickly and I told him firmly that we don't need to chat about anything other than princess. Oh goodness! I went through 4 years of tears, frustration, panic weight yo-yoing, almost going bald, etc. I was an emotional wreck quite a bit but as they say, "this too shall pass" and it didnt seem like it back then but I sure am proud of me today. Oh I am sure he has it rough right now, he's got an exwife he's paying alimony to, child support to me and his current wife asked for a monthly allowance deposited directly to her account thats in her name only and since he's military, he has to comply, SMH karma can't be messed with.  He will never learn.  Yes I am very happy with my life. I am getting married next year too! I am so excited about what the future holds. I look forward to each new day with joy and thrills.  

[SweetPeaPrincess]

Thanks for the advice, he already took me to court in 2010 and it didn't end well for him and again this year and again it didn't go well for him.  I have no idea what's going through his mind but everything he sets out to hurt me he only hurts himself. It makes me sad because my daughter loses out on time with her dad and she really loves him. I don't answer any texts unless it's about princess at which point I promptly reply because it's usually important.  I think he sees how happy I am and how miserable he is now and is comparing that to the great time he had with me but that's ancient history. Yes, I've made a lot of good ++ and will not let anything ruin them. I had it rough growing up and my parents were always fighting and screaming so I make sure that my daughter never sees anything like that at home. The only thing I am proud to say of her father is that he and I never once argued in front of princess.  

[specialmom]

He sounds very childish and selfish.  He's probably contacting you because he sees his life is about to change dramatically with a baby to his wife and he is panicking.  So, he's acting stupid.  Don't take any of it seriously.  Tell him flat out that he did you wrong, he an be in your child's life ONLY for his child's sake and you'd never repeat what happened between the two of you again EXCEPT for that beautiful little girl.  And if he continues to play these games with you, you are going to contact his wife about it.  Period.  mean it when you say it and put an end to the drama with this idiot.  good luck (and great job, kudos to you for rising to the occasion and being such a good mom to your daughter.)  good luck and peace

[mooksmom]

You are doing well already...keep ignoring all txts, emails etc, but do NOT delete them, as you may need them down the road...I hope not. If it was me, and I had gotten my life as great as you've done, I'd send him a note, in writing with some kind of LEGAL witness to it, telling him NO THANKS, NOT INTERESTED...asap. If he tries to pull the baby daddy card, tell him to get a lawyer for visitation and get child support from him...it should get rid of him and I bet 4 YEARS of back child support will help you get rid of him. If not, it's restraining order.time.
I must say you sure must be proud of all the ++ you've accomplished these past years...and you SHOULD BE! Keep moving forward only. I hope my comments help.