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1415482 tn?1459702714

Choosing to move forward

Hello...I have been feeling pretty motivated to make a post lately. Most persons would be aware of my struggles as they relate to emotional/mental disorders and general cares of leading a fuller and healthier life. I have certainly grown so much from that needy sensitive girl I used to be and for the most part I have been smiling more and enjoying my life more...I still have some trouble with forming healthy friendships and relationships. On the surface I think of myself as very sweet and caring and I am sure people who come into brief contact with me would agree. However, I really struggle with close relationships.....friendships especially. I cannot always seem to distinguish between intimate and friendly. What I mean is, I have pretty much the same high expectations minus sex. I have been trying a lot harder and I think I have been doing well for the most part.

I have moved out of a pretty toxic environment and I have found friends I think are great. The trouble is--lately I have been feeling as if I am back in the high school cafeteria with my friends. I feel my friends are too invested in my life. They always have some [email protected]@t to say about something. Conversations are usually laced with details about our love lives and unwanted advise. I have one really great girlfriend and she has another friend with whom she is close with. She merged the friendships but the other chick and I do not get along well. We fake like each other I think and it has become so draining. Not only that but lately I have been getting some odd feelings as if I am slowly being excluded from the "group". I have sort of been feeling like the odd man out and I sort of feel like I am "lagging" behind.

I do not need to be a part of a group but I think I need to learn that it is okay to be excluded. What I really want is to be able to say "these are my friends, not my knights in shining armor." I always get so into others and so I am bothered when I kicked to the curb. I am smart enough to know that friends are really there to help you, advise you, to have fun with etc and then we go about our own separate lives and do our own thing. What I am not smart enough to do is move forward from this place and not see my friends in such a childlike way. Like, if we do not walk the halls together, I won't be one of the cool kids anymore. I want to embrace my independence as a grown woman concerned with what is truly important and not what two ladies sit around and say behind my back or if my friend likes me less than the other girl. It is soooooooo dumb but those are my true feelings...

Sigh...help...again.

Anna
4 Responses
1029273 tn?1472231494
Hi,

This type of situation happens even with the best relationships/friendships; all relationships go through change. Some relationships survive, some don't. When you start feeling obligated to hang out, and you no longer feel comfortable, that's a sign that the relationship has definitely changed.  You can either give these relationships some space (time away) to see if they improve, or you can just distance yourself altogether.  Who knows, maybe some change will do you good, and give you a different perspective?

Maybe you're finding it hard to relate to your girlfriend(s) because you've done a lot of soul searching and personal growth lately?  One thing to understand is that not all relationships are created equally.  Some relationships you can count on during the hard times; when things get heavy, you know they'll be there for you.  Some relationships are more casual and easy-going.  Accept your friendships for what they are; it will help you to decide on whether you should stick with them or not.

I'm sure you're aware, that no two friendships are built the same. There are those that are great and enduring, and there are those that are alright and short term. The important thing is to know when to distinguish the difference between the two.  Your best guide is you: trust your instincts, stick to your own principles, and appreciate your friendships unconditionally.  Bottom line, follow what naturally makes you feel happy with a clear conscience ;)

Take it Easy

3060903 tn?1398565123
Your feelings aren't dumb sweetheart. We've all gone through different stages in our lives, and the older you get the more experience you'll have in dealing with emotions connected to friendships.

It seems to me that you would rather have a friendship with the one girl and not the other. Thee's nothing wrong with that. If you value the one girls friendship, you can tell her that you'd like to be friends with her, but that you're not feeling the other girl so maybe she can give you a call and you and she can get together and do something. I wouldn't bother feeling bad about your not automatically feeling it with this other girl . It's not necessary to either of you. On the other hand it might be awkward where you are, in that it's not feasible and everybody in your town hangs out as a group. In which case you have to hold your had up and not care what other people think about you, If you're happy with who you are, that's all that matters. If they don't care to hang with you, it's probably because they work better as a couple (of friends). which is what you want. to be part of a friendship with just the one girl. Travel wide girl, find a girl that's happy to be an individual with you and doesn't feel the need to bring back up. Don;y you dare give up on having a good friend that's just for you. Often one of one friendships are the most rewarding. Nothing wrong with you wanting that. You deserve it. You just have to look far and wide and find someone that you can spend some quality one on one time with. I'll be praying that you find a great friendship(s) .

By the way, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL. MAMA. What an adorable baby you made.  So sweet and obviously the love of your life.  You are so blessed.
3060903 tn?1398565123
Hold your head up and not care what other people say negatively about you, if they do, they're not worth your worry. (and i can tell you know that).
1415482 tn?1459702714
Thank you guys for your understanding and support. You have both said stuff that I think will steer me on a better track and help me to keep pressing forward. I have struggled tremendously with depression and other disorders and most my triggers occur with the people who enter my life. I do not always "screen" others well. I am learning that it is okay for people to be who they are but it is not okay for me to accept what is not good with me.

I am trying to embrace a more positive side of myself and I am truly happy with my development. For the first time I can feel myself growing up and growing into someone I am proud of :-). I do feel some degree of happiness and I am so grateful.

Once again thank you both sooooo much.
1 Comments
I'm really glad to hear that you're proud of yourself and you're protecting yourself. Two very wise choices for anyone , but especially a mom. You'll be a better role model if you demand respect from others. Glad you posted and hope to hear how you're getting along.
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