Codependence

[catlover8]

Well, as you all know, my boyfriend and I broke up last night. I have been doing a lot of thinking today why every relationship I seem to have seems unhealthy. The answer is because I am codependent upon all of these men. I always have been, and this one was no exception. Even now, after the fight was caused by his lying and constant broken promises, I feel guilty and responsible and sad. He feels none of the above. He feels that everything is my fault. I need to detach myself from this man and do what is healthy and right for me. Why should I feel such hurt over someone that treats me badly and lies to me? That is codependent behavior. I am realizing that my happiness is purely based on him. Like the birthday weekend last weekend. Him not being there ruined my birthday. I still had plans, but I let his absence ruin them. I was not happy. Then now. I am the wounded party, yet he has made me feel awful and depressed. I am so scared to be without him. Why? Am I so bad that I can't even spend time by myself? I have some serious thinking to do.

[lovemykids465]

We are here for you. You probably need to get some kind of therapy as mami said, just to work on you. Also find something you like to do like run, or art , music whatever and pour your time into that.

[jrobertson20]

Oh hun try to keep your head up.  You just need time to focus on yourself and just yourself.  Figure out who YOU are first and then you will be a more independent woman.  You don't need a partner to define who you are.  I think you are just afraid of being alone which is normal.  Start spending time with your friends or treat yourself to something nice like a manicure or whatever you like to do.  It's always very hard after a break up but stay strong.  You are not a bad person.  He was wrong and did you wrong.  Stick with what you know and believe.  Don't let a boyfriend define who you are.  You are special and worth it. You owe it to yourself to get to know yourself and love yourself.  Good luck and I hope you start to feel better soon.  Just remember you are not worth the lies and broken promises.

[mami1323]

Have you considered going to therapy and working on these issues so you don't repeat them again with someone else?