Confidence and fear

[meltingchocolatebox]

Hi,

I'm a 28 y/o girl who had many break ups before, and is happy leaving with his boyfriend for 6 months. We got close since new year, and now my question is that:

because of several break ups that I had, I have a fear in myself now. How can I stop this fear? Everything is OK. He has his room, me either. He comes to my place 6 nights a week. We are both students. I love him, and he loves me back. Also he is very charming and there are many female friends around him. I have trust in him. Everything is good. This is just me, and I should be confident continuing this relationship.

Thanks

[meltingchocolatebox]

Thank you all..

[Judy246]

The only person that you can change is you, no one else and if he has given you no reason to feel insecure with fears then you are sabotaging yourself and your relationship. Accept what you can't change, let him be himself and you also and life has a way of just falling into place. You have to come to terms with whatever has happened to you in the past is over and one with. You have to leave the past behind in order to move toward your future.

[meltingchocolatebox]

Dictation:
* I like him so much that it worries me..

[meltingchocolatebox]

He doesn't do anything that I get this fear, it's just me. I like his so much that worries me how to keep him. He is a normal and kind guy.

It happened to me since I felt oh, I really want him. then I felt worried, even though we are in contact all day long and spending all the nights together. I have an anxious personality.

[ConnieG]

I'm not really sure of what your question is anymore....
Sorry I can't be of much help.
I agree with mami.
If you feel like you have to act this way because of some vibe he's giving then it's not the right person for you.
If you feel like you have to act this way because of your past relationships and you think it's how you're supposed to act, then you dated some sleezy (sp?) men and they were all wrong.
Men don't like someone to be all positive all the time, REAL men want a woman who is herself. Has an opinion, speaks it nicely and respects them.  Not pretending to be everything you think he wants. You will lose yourself and eventually this wont be okay for you and you'll want out. So just get out now, find out who you are, what makes you happy and then find someone who is compatible with that.
If I'm completely off base again...I'm afraid I don't understand what you're asking....

[mami1323]

Well if you can't be yourself in this relationship then how will he get to know the real you?  How do you know if you are truly compatible?  Does he make you feel like you can't have a differing opinion or is that just you?  Men don't find that quality appealing...they like women who have their own minds.  No one would want someone who is always in agreeance.  You have to become independent and find some self worth.  

[meltingchocolatebox]

The point is I want to be over kind. because of fearing of not loosing him, although he is so kind and caring.
I'm afraid of giving an opposite opinion although he is open and so caring.
I'm afraid of having opposite idea. And I think it is dangerous to agree all  the time, because he'll get used to hear me agreeing with him all the time.
I also say my disagreement whenever it is real, but in small things that really are not important for me, I am so positive all the time. Like being constantly kind. which I should be, but sometimes I think I behave kind by purpose, not spontaneously.

[ConnieG]

I suggest taking things slowly.  if he is a good man he will respect your fear and will be more than happy to take things slowly too.  Over time his actions and reactions should either build confidence in you that the relationship is good, or it will show you that it is not and you should leave.
Trust your instincts and everything should work out great :)

[mami1323]

I don't see anything wrong with this relationship.  I think over time your fear will be less and less.  You can't make him pay for your past.  So as long as he keeps proving to you that he is a trustworthy individual, you will most likely get over this fear.