Confused about my feelings

[Jaded05]

I have been with my husband for 10 yrs. He is great, he provides for me and my children from previous relationship. He has helped me turn my life around- I got my license back, got a college degree as well as help me deal with trauma from childhood.
He persued me for 4 yrs before I gave in and dated him. Things moved quickly, moved in together in first month.
My dilemma is...I had a bf I was dating at the time. I just cut off all ties with him and never gave any reason why or letting him know what the hell happened. Well, he had a son who passed away in a tragic accident not too long ago so I wrote him on fb. As much as I try, I can't deny that I still have very strong, unresolved feelings for him.
Is it possible to love 2 people at same time?
I'm so confused and don't know what to do.

[Amanda123444]

You have some childhood issues which has clouded you from seeing the right........ Don't worry, first remember what are the issues of your childhood and tell this to your hushand and also try to remember and go for counseling and get a good one.......... Don't think about money at this time because money will comeback but a good partner will never come back................ All you need to focus is your childhood issues

[Life360_Dave]

Its very common to have these feelings about passed relationships and thoughts of what could have been but just stay focused on what you have not what you could have had as most of this is just a fantacy and yes you can love 2 people at the same time and in my experience we can love multiple people at the same time.

[specialmom]

I'm really practical and don't put much value in romantic notions so know this---  you are fantasizing about an old boyfriend as if you KNOW what it would be like to be with him now.  You really don't.  You are 'in love' with the idea of him and nothing more.

And this could be because you are not all that 'in love' with your husband.  He's done for you, been good to you, supports you.  That's not really romantic, you know?  What do you love about HIM specifically besides as a caretaker and provider for you and your children?  Focus on that. And if you are having trouble coming up with things, then maybe put some effort into discovering these things.  If you don't, then maybe it is not the right relationship.

But that doesn't mean an old flame from 10 years ago is.  And it would be cruel of you to try to attach yourself because of your fantasies and unhappiness in life to a man going through a very vulnerable time.  Losing a child is like nothing else and you should offer condolences and let him grieve without somehow turning into a ban aid for your life.  

That isn't meant to be harsh at all.  I feel for you.  It sounds like you needed help and your now husband gave it to you.  Is this a solid foundation for a loving relationship?  Only you can decide.  But my guess is that deep down, you fear being on your own and fantasizing about the other man from your past makes you think you wouldn't have to be if you left your husband.  But that's not fair to the other guy, your husband or anyone else.  So, take some time to think about what you want in life and maybe a counselor could help you sort it out. good luck hon

[Nighthawk61]

I appreciate your position you feel you're in. Such is the state of dating many different people before marrying i would have to say YES, people love all kinds of people from their past, they just don't act on it in any way (facebook etc)   because they are in a committed relationship and would end up hurting all parties involved (including both men, your kids and yourself.)

I'm sure you do have unresolved feelings for him, just as he has for you, because of the way you left him (guilt for a start). I think if you asked people that helped your ex you left him high and dry, they 'd just wish that you stay gone so that their loved one can move on from a bad situation (being left with no explanation) I think there's a lof that you're not saying here that would shed some light on your situation, but i honestly think that you would be best served to talk to a therapist about all this and get their take. I don't think we've been given near enough info here.  

For instance, you've said that you were "pursued" for  4 years before you started to date your current husband. We're you with your ex while being actively pursued by another man for 4 years?  

I think you should make your decisions based on what's best for your kids at this point . I think you owe it to them to put their happiness as your first priority. It sounds like they've been moved around already too much,and what you do next could seriously affect their relationship with their stepfather that might just be the most important relationship of their young lives.  They need stability in their lives, and I think that at this point, they will resent you big time if you do anything to rock their world. I would deal with this at the therapists office and probably ask them why i am sabotaging myself and others at this point in my life. ? I think it might stem from your childhood, You need to treat your trauma or it will revisit itself upon your children. You'll truly regret that more than anything else in your life if you do.

[AnnieBrooke]

So, you are thinking of dumping over the guy who rescued you from all kinds of problems that you had when still dating the ex and the ex never helped you solve?  Time to talk to a therapist or counselor, I think.  Your children don't deserve you dumping over the stability they (and you) have now just so you can chase someone who might not be as good as the guy you have now.