Confused abt my relationship

[Askeete17]

Okay so my babies dad and I have been on and off for 3.5 years. Im not going into detail bc its too much but its like I know he wants to be with me bc ge stays around but he acts totally into me somedays n other days just thinks im screwin around on him. Like I keep telling him I love him and want him and wish he would let past crap go because I have but it doesnt seem like he will. He says to just relax and wait if we ment to be we will but I cnt seem to do that. What should I do?

[Londres70]

You can try couples' therapy, however, in my opinion, the relationship is too far gone to fix.  I think he is just coming "back and forth" because of his child. Some people don't forgive and forget cheating; I know I wouldn't and never have.  Plus, he cheated for payback; sounds like a drmatic "mess."

The focus for you at this point should be about the baby NOT whether you all are going to be a couple or not; take the focus off you and him.  

Your baby's daddy is correct, you should relax but not for the sake of worrying about if you all are a couple or him, but because you are pregnant and that is BEST for your BABY.  You owe your baby a "stress-free" environment.  

Point is:  It is not about you or if he wants to be with you or if he is "in to you somedays and other days not"; It should be TOTALLY about your child.

Will agree with SpecialMom.  

[specialmom]

Okay, please don't get mad at me here.  I just think this is such an unstable situation to have decided to bring a child into the world.  Did you do so in order to keep his interest?  I'm not saying that to hurt you but it is an honest question that relates to the dynamics of this relationship.  

And I'll be honest with you mother to mother.  Unless you are giving this baby up for adoption, you need to focus on one thing and one thing only right now,  How are you going to care for that baby-------  with or without his help.  I'd think worst case scenario as if he will not be there.

Statistically with what has happened so far, it is highly unlikely that your relationship will go on longterm.  I only say that because all of the infidelity, bad feelings, and disturbing past history adds up to a couple that would have a temendous amount to put behind them.  Many simply can't do it.

I think you will need to consider couples therapy.  That's about the only way I see this working.  

I'm sorry as I know this is not what you wanted to hear but I'm just staying real with how I am reading this.  That doesn't mean I am right and you two could have a happy ending.  But your primary focus from now on is this child.  Having a stable home without this drama would be important.  good luck

[Askeete17]

Will be born ok n july

[specialmom]

Ugh.  How old is your baby?

[Askeete17]

I dnt if we are together ir not to be honest. We do not live together and he is excited for the baby.
In the past year and a half its gotten so bad. We were oncw engaged for a short period of time but he broke that off because I wasnt talking to him like I shoulda been. And yes I messed up and cheated once but aftr that I tried soo hard to work things out I offered up everything I could think of didnt work. But in the last yr he been with his share if women and I forgave him. He sayz I only did bc I knew it was bc of what I did that he did what he did. I dnt see that as an excuse. Everytime he breaks up with me a week or two later hes tellin me he wants to work it out we together for a lil bit then he leaves again and it keeps going.

[specialmom]

I feel a bit confused about what you are saying as well.  Not being into you is pretty vague.  You also elude to issues in the past.  Don't know what they are but if they involved cheating and such, that can take a while to fully trust someone and to get over.  

So I agree with Londres that I feel like I'm missing part of the story.  More information would be really helpful.

[Londres70]

"He stays around."  He should be "staying around" because he has a child with you.  

I am confused.  Are you all a couple and/or living together?  Or is he just coming around because of the child?

Just relax and wait for what?  Wait and see if you all are meant to be?  

I am sensing you all have had alot of drama in the past?  Did you cheat on him?  

Need to know what this past "crap" is that happened so that we can get a better idea of how to help you.  

[AnnieBrooke]

Tell him exactly what you do want, and that if he doesn't, that will be it for you as a couple.  Of course, if he's paying child support and/or if he is significant in your child's life, you won't cut him off as your child's father, but no more you.  Set some standards and calmly tell the guy what they are, he can choose to live with it or not, but if not, he doesn't get to keep coming around.