Contracting a STI has made me bitter towards men

[WonderousTeacher1992]

I guess the saying be careful who you lay with or you'll end up with fleas is very true. I discussed my grief before in this community about contracting an STI. I honestly never thought that it would happen to me. Yes, I know the saying is cliche', but seriously I only slept with five men and all with condoms except for my ex-fiance and the guy friend that gave me a germ.I try to figure out what made me do what I did every day. Why did I sleep unprotected knowing I have a history of being paranoid by contracting something during sex.

At 25, I should have known better to have sex with a man unprotected. I now feel like I can not trust men anymore. I refuse to date. I just need to be alone and focus on myself. I never allowed myself to grieve after my fiance left me for someone else.

I am venting, and I know that I may need professional help.

[ZonnyC]

I know how difficult it is to forgive, but I think you are having more difficulty forgiving yourself for making a mistake by having unprotected sex then forgiving the guy who gave you the STI.  Takes a lot of energy to be bitter and hold on to what happened in the past.  Don't waste your young years on this.  Being by yourself and figuring this out is the way to go.  Nothing wrong with venting here.  Once you can forgive "you" the rest will be easy.

[Nighthawk61]

I think you can do a lot on your own while you're waiting on therapy. If you google "how to forgive?" you'll find so much that can help you.

Here's an example of one i just read "By an act of my will, and God’s power, I give up my rights to get even with (insert name). I make a commitment that when those sordid feelings come over me again, I will release them. I won’t babysit them. I admit the feelings are real, but I choose not to be controlled by them any longer. Instead I will dwell on the good things I have learned from this experience"

Forgiveness is a spiritual thing.. forgiving yourself and others. The man that gave you the STD may not have known he had it. The stats on HPV are huge, and so many have no idea they have it, or are giving it. The friend did nothing different than you did yourself unless i'm missing something. Both of you need forgiveness for being unsafe.

You live you learn, you love you learn, You cry you learn, you lose you learn, You bleed you learn, you scream you learn

I think it might really help for you to reach out spiritually at this time. There are angels all around you, witnessing your suffering and hoping for you to heal spiritually with their help. I have regularly heard from the spirit world throughout my most trying challenges. Please reach out to them. At times i could music unlike anything from this world from heaven. You are never alone with your pain. Spirits from the heavens surround you in your suffering/ Please feel better sweet woman, and know that nobody is perfect. NOT you, NOT  women, NOT men. Mistakes are made, but what you can learn from them afterwards, can be your greatest glory in your experience of this world. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[Thesouthernwife]

I believe that some time off 'for you' would help your situation. Focusing on yourself, what you want from life and going to do what YOU want to without having to ask anyone. That time of reflection may also help you to determine the source of your aggression towards all men based on the actions of 1.

[specialmom]

When we've been hurt emotionally, a break is essential to get back on track.  I enjoyed the breaks from dating I've taken in my life.  It's YOU time.  You can explore what you want and grow as a person.  Being cheated on is very difficult and natural that you'd have trust issues after that.  I think we mentioned a therapist previously and that might be excellent for you to get your feelings out and have input from a professional on how to put these chapters of your life behind you and write a new, better one.  We're here to chat any time!

[WonderousTeacher1992]

Thanks SpecialMom. I came on here many times before with problems and you would always suggest a break. It took me a lot of heartaches to figure that out