Daddy Issues so Severe- Am I destined to die alone?

[wowzers321]

Problems:

1)  I get bored VERY easily with every relationship, can only reach orgasm by fantasizing about other men OR my man with another woman.  Was in a relationship for four years, broke up 6 months ago, had sex with my ex, and still had to fantasize about other men.

2)  I am insecure and needy.  If the guy I'm dating doesn't do what I want (call me on time, or hang out with me when he said he would) I get very upset and lash out.  I have difficulty controlling my temper.

3) I can NEVER walk away from a fight, I prefer to beat it to death.  Even if that means me saying/doing the most irrational things imaginable like driving to my exes house in the middle of the night.

4) I don't feel complete if I'm on my own.  I am always thinking about the guy of my dreams or whomever I'm dating- or when I'll meet the right guy.  I used to have panic attacks when I was alone too long, although those have somewhat stopped.

BACKGROUND:

- I'm in my late 20s

- My dad was a severe alcoholic from my ages of 11-18.  he got sober when i left the house for college.  He used to pick on me, and i would always fight back.  I was the oldest.  He was verbally and emotionally abusive.  I would yell every night at him and make life hell for him hoping he would realize the consequences of him coming home drunk- given that my mom didn't want another fight and my brother hid in his room.

- I had my first relationship when i was 17, and the guy I dated worshiped me.  He essentially "saved" me from my abusive household and let me eat dinner with his family every night.  I broke up with him at college cuz i was "bored" and he got a girlfriend.  i tried to get back together, transferred to his school and had a mental/spiritual breakdown because i didnt know who i was without him.  It took me 4+ years to get over him.

SOLUTIONS?

I dont' know where to start or how to work on what.  I have so many problems, that guys say that i'm a great catch and would be a great girl.... if i didn't have this neediness and insecurity.  How do I change?  I play sports, read books, work full time and try to keep busy.  Nothing seems to help.  I still want a boyfriend- and I'm becoming a terrible ex-gf because I've contacted my ex so much lately.  What do I do?

[Jennifer1987]

Wow some of wat you said rings through!!  I had the same type of childhood, well my dad wasn't an alcoholic, he was and is very verbally/emotionally and some times physically abusive to us!!! Im 22 and still at home for another 2 months anyway. Just before xmas he hit me and gave me a black eye. Since I was a kid he was always yelling, and used beat my mom and I saw the most of it!!! And i truely think it has affected my opinion of men. I have never had a positive male role model in my life.. My ex was just like my father when I think about it!!! It sickens me..

The only thing differently I do is walk away from fights, I hate confrontation. I try talk them through but I dont have a bad temper and am a wimp at times lol.. But I do notice I get attached to people easily.. :-( My ex was a prime example, i could not break up with him cause I felt my world would fall apart!!! He was so emotionally abusive it was horrible!  Still wonder if this is cause of my dad, this attachment issue??

I too hate being on my own, but I have been the past 8 months by choice cause I have no trust left in me for anyone anymore!! If you cant trust your own dad who can you trust??

Anyway, i have been in counselling for a bit now and it does help!! I would recommend doing the same!! Talking about it all helps.. i have some good friends on here to who help me, its just good to talk to someone who understands!! Im not saing its a quick fix cause I have anxiety that I cannot totally kick yet! :-( But God loves a tryer, right??

Good luck And i hope you can reslove these issues!!!

[specialmom]

I agree that a therapist is needed here.  You sufferered during some very important years of your life in which a lot of development takes place.  It is not surprising that you are stunted in some emotional areas now.  Working with a therapist will help you examine the past hurt and overcome it so that it does not seep into your current life.

I do not think you are doomed to a life of unhappiness as you clearly see that there is an issue and I take it-----  that means you are willing to work on it.

A good therapist will really help you.  good luck

[mami1323]

Have you considered therapy? I think you need a cognitive behavioral therapist. You need to learn how to control your thoughts and actions. That's about all I can recommend. You need to learn how to be okay on your own and how to be happy in a relationship when you are in one. People can change when they make the effort to. Its going to be hard work but not impossible. You have impulse control issues and need to work through that with a good therapist. Good luck.