Avatar universal

Depressed and sad

I've been married for 10 years to a wonderful man, but we grew apart after we started a family.  Most of our time is spent taking care of the house and kids.  We forgot about the importance of taking care of our relationship.  I ended up falling in love with a co-worker.  We've been seeing each other for 3 years now.  My husband knows that I've fallen in love with another man.  We came to the agreement that we should separate, but financially cannot.  Because of this issue, it has caused so much stress for everyone this past year.  The other man began to verbally abuse me by calling me names and making me depressed. I try talking to him about the things he does that hurts me, but he ends up turning things around and blaming me.  We never seem to be able to communicate.  I end up getting so angry and frustrated.  I realize now the mistake I made.  The love we once had will never come back, although at times I hope and pray that if I am able to afford my own place, perhaps things would be good again.  Several times I try to break it off, but find myself longing for him again.  I feel like a victim and can't get out of this cycle!  In the meantime, my husband tries his best to save our marriage only for the sake of the kids.  I know I probably deserve all this pain, but I'm so sad, depressed, and confused.  I cry myself to sleep and just closed myself off from friends and family.  I just need some advice.
Best Answer
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi Beejay, sorry the delimma youve gotton yourself into. One thing about relationships is that over time we develop  habit lifestyles, and often times its that intimacy that takes a back seat. We get confused and think another person will fullfill these needs. But as you found out, it all ends up the same as the same issues come into play.
If you husband will take you back, really try to make this happen as you have much invested.
I think, instead of chasing romance, try to put more time into developing your creative talents to fullfill this need. Try writing poetry or a book or take up painting or photography. This need you have is for self realization, not another love affair.
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Avatar universal
Ditto SpecialMom
Ditto RockRose.

You are a "victim" of Your own making.
You will stop being a "victim" when You stop seeing YourSelf as a "victim".
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there.  Well, this situation is not good.  They've studied what makes a successful relationship and as you may guess, starting through infidelity all but dooms it.  Had you moved out (anything is possible and it wasn't fair to your husband to make him live with you while you are with another man) and taken some time on your own, maybe things would be different.  But now he knows that you are capable of cheating when you get unhappy.  He'll never fully trust you.  

Why are you wanting to be with a man that wants to verbally abuse you and blame you for things and not communicate?

I'm very concerned for the status of your current thinking.  It is very dysfunctional. My recommendation is to end it with the 'other man'---  make preperations to live on your own and explore who you are without relationship hopping.  You should seek therapy immediately and be totally honest so that you can sort this out.  This is no way to live.

You sound depressed and perhaps this man was just a band aid for that.  Band aids always wear off.  Depression is treatable and it may help you to think straight if you can work on any mental health issues you have going on.  

You do sound distraught and for that I am sorry.  But I think you need to stop, take a breather from all this and start over down the road.  good luck
Helpful - 0
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