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Avatar universal

Desperately need advice

I recently meet a man  and there was a strong sexual attraction. He kissed me on date 2. It was a soft, short kiss, but really turned me on.  He continued to text me sporadically. He invited me to an AA meeting that we meet at. This week was awkward, he didnt invite me to  dinner like in the past. He walked me to my car, and I gave him a hug. I said you better not kiss me again because it made me crazy last time. He said likewise, and he would kiss me again,  but he really wanted to make sure he was doing things right. I feel stupid I openly told him my feelings about the last kiss. Am I being dissed. Hopefully he is just being honorable. I feel relieved the pressure is off a bit. What does this mean? Am I being dissed or is he just taking his time to be sure?
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Avatar universal
Thank you so much for your responses. I have not had a drink in over 7 years, but I am returing to AA as a newcomer because I just detoxed off if opiates 36 days ago. I know I am not thinking clearly. This whole thing has made my head spin! I am going to step back and focus on my sobriety. I can't handle any emotional overload at this time. Thanks again!
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Avatar universal
A married friend of mine was recently lecturing a group of our friends about how people today are in way too much of a hurry to jump into things and have lost the fun of getting to know the other person. It's true. Dating nowadays has become a joke. People go out on a first date and by the end of the date they end up in bed together and by the next week they move in together and then they wonder why the relationship isn't working! It takes time to get to know a person enough to realize whether they are the right match or not. Just having sex with them without knowing who they are as a person and it leads to many problems later on.

You have the added issue of both being in recovery which adds another layer of complexity to the situation. If you're in AA then you should have already heard the whole thing about not getting involved in a new relationship when you're concentrating on sobriety. Your first priority and most important thoughts every morning upon waking up need to be on staying sober. If you throw a relationship into it, it's not going to help the sobriety thing and in fact could make both of you fall off the wagon. I think this guy sounds like he is taking his AA seriously which is great. You should follow his lead and stay more committed to AA than trying to get in his pants because that would be a tragedy if you both ended up drinking again.
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480448 tn?1426948538
Ditto SM's post!

You have to be very careful, like sm said, about entering into a relationship with a fellow addict.  It's not that it can't be done, but it's usually NOT recommended at all.

I agree completely about finding a new meeting.  In the least, you should not continue to see him in that context.  See him outside of meetings, in a social context, and you each should be going to different meetings to continue working on your sobriety (congrats on that btw!).

Take your time, there's no rush!  :0)
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome. Well, this sounds like a thoughtful man.  I don't know how long you've been sober or he's been sober but it is a trap for those 'getting' sober to begin a romance with someone else going through the same thing.  It's usually frowned on when someone is newly sober.  The reason why is because that rush of adrenaline that a new romance gives is almost like a high.  it can cause a situation in which judgment is clouded.  AND, the newly sober person is in a vulnerable state.  

So, he may be just trying to put his sobriety as his top priority and knows that he needs to tread lightly for both of your sakes.  Often a recovering alcoholic has a history of many bad choices made.  He sounds very thoughtful that he doesn't want to repeat patterns he's once had.  he's actually being quite responsible.

I would try not to worry about this.  You've made it clear you are sexually attracted to him.  he knows it and says it was mutual.  If it goes to anything more or else---  time will tell.  But focus on other stuff for right now.  AA is about something far different than meeting up with a crush.  I'd consider giving him your number and finding a different meeting to go to.  Then he can contact you if he wants to go out but the meeting isn't about 'him'.  

good luck
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