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Avatar universal

Do I say anything?

Here's the background:
Last year I had a flat mate who I was good friends with, then randomly she started getting interested in my ex. She knew my view of him and i opened up and trusted her with a lot of my past thinking she would never betray me. But then she went a head and starting spending time with him. In the end I told her how hurt I was and I also told him, because He knew that it would hurt me a lot. He ended it in the end.
This year, only recently, I got a new boyfriend, my best friend who i realised I liked last year and He did too this year.
Today on facebook she wrote on my wall "how is that man of yours?" i deleted the comment as I instantly thought she was getting at something. Then I talked to her in chat about random stuff and she came randomly just said "i'm jealous" but she didnt say what of, but was pretty obvious because it had nothing to do with anything we were saying.
All i want to know is what do I do?
He knows im insecure, so Do i mention this situation to him or leave it?
I do trust Him, but i don't trust her. He knows her and cares for her like a sibling im pretty sure.
It annoys me like crazy, like she's following my life, or making sure i have a bad time and make me even more insecure.
Am i reading too much into this?
Please help
3 Responses
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I know it is hard and I wish you didn't feel this way inside.  One way to work on self esteem is to really explore the things inside of you that give you pride.  If you have any hobbies or things you excel at, really start to do more of them.  Even if you just like to do something, do more of it as it makes you feel accomplished.  And that is the kind of feeling that makes us feel more secure.  I also think throwing ourselves into school or work is also really good for self concept.  I think working out is good too and not just for the way it makes us look but for how it makes us feel.  I'd try to do all of these things and you can include your boyfriend if he is around but mainly they are just for you to feel good about yourself.  I'd keep a journal and write in it when you are feeling good about yourself and when you are feeling bad.  It will help you understand if there is any pattern to it.


That desperate feeling we get when we feel like we are trying to hold onto our guy and any girl that seems like they might get in the way is not a good one.  I will tell you quite plainly that no man can be taken.  No man can be taken.  You must believe this.  If a man cheats it is their flaw and theirs alone and if you pick a guy right----------- you won't have to worry about cheating.  Even if Miss America prances in front of them in their underwear.  It matters not because they are loyal to you.  So----------- do not be intimidated by other women.  They can't get your guy unless your guy allows it.  So he is the one you have to have trust in.  Not the other women in your life.  

Okay, you'll be okay.  Work on that self concept and build it.  Peace.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks :)
I know what you mean, I havent told him and I talked to my mum about it after posting this and realised it isnt a big deal.
I know he loves me and need to learn to be secure in myself and let it ruin a relationship.
Thank for all the advice you've given in the past too! :)
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Leave it.  Your insecurity is ruling your thought process.  This is going to mess things up for you.  Things are good with your boyfriend and he cares for you!!

Let me tell you that if you have to work this hard to make sure your boyfriend never comes into contact with females that might be interested in him, you'll never be successful.  You have to either trust or you aren't ready to be in a relationship.  I'm starting to think you just might not be emotionally ready to be in a relationship, to be honest.  

My DH leaves for work every day and often out of town.  My hubby is pretty darn good looking (if I do say so myself), a funny and smart guy and also successful which gets pretty attractive the older you are.  Right?  So he works with women.  He went to Europe recently with a much younger, female colleague.  Did I worry?  Did I care?  No.  It isn't worth my time as it is life that he will be in contact with other females.  And some of them want to be with him.  That is THEIR problem as he is married and doesn't believe in cheating.  I trust him.  

Now if I constantly worried that females were interested in him----------  I'd drive myself crazy.  Big deal even if they are.  You really have to get to this point in order to be in a healthy relationship.  You've had several posts now that are all centered on jealousy and insecurity.  

I think that you need to work on this hon.  Because it will destroy any chance with this guy and all of your friendships in the process.  

By the way, I've had a friend tell me she was jealous of my relationship once.  It is a compliment.  It does not mean she is out to break it up and take my man for herself. You have to quit thinking this way.  She is doing nothing to you.  YOu are doing this to yourself!  Dig deep to change it.  good luck
Helpful - 0
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