I am not doubting that he is in pain in regards to his MRI report, however, why isn't he discussing his pain med issues with a PHYSICIAN? i.e. a Pain Management Physician.
Then, he is taking meds that were prescribed for him and trading them on the street? RED FLAG.
Sorry dear, but he is a drug addict. This med seeking behavior is TYPICAL of a drug addict.
I would HIGHLY recommend NOT taking him back and breaking ALL ties with this man. His situation could become very legal and I am sure you don't want any part all of that.
I don't know about being worthless but he IS strung out. Think about this. If this were were you,would you ask strangers for pain pills?? No. Would you find a doctor or clinic who could manage your pain better? Yes. While he most likely has pain in his back,it's not that serious a problem. Many folks have degerative disk disease and treat their pain with Motrin.
He's snowing you so stick to your guns. Suggest he get with a pain management group so he can get treated for his pain. Although they may tell him that his discomfort doesn't warrant narcotics. I suspect they have already. By the way, Tramadol is addicting because of its opiate like nature and the fact that it contains an antidepressant.
he doesnt have a family doctor. he goes to a free clinic and they dont give narcotics. he was told to find a orthopedic and the clinic would pay for it, but he's always asking me or his mom to find him one and i just dont have the time. seems if he was hurting that bad he wouldnt waste time finding one-he'd do it himself. He said he traded the percs because the tylenol was like 625 and he didnt like the high tylenol. I honestly dont know much about pain pills at all. I think that works to his advantage too knowing i dont have much knowledge of pills.
He's an addict. It is legitimate to use pain medication but when you are scoring it, getting it from friends, lying about it----------- clear indicators that it is not just for pain but he now has a physical addiction.
There are pain clinics that responsibily dispense pain medicaiton. That he is no longer a candidate should tell you something.
I think you need to go to an al anon meeting and understand he is going to lie to you as he has something much more important that you or anything else in his life---- drug addiction. Please realize that. go to an al anon meeting.
You haven't dated that long. Why are you so desperate to hang onto a person that has the issue of addiction. Wish him well and move on to find someone that is emotionally and physically healthy. It is not a bad thing to do so and by realizing that his drug addiction causes his life to be different than how he would like it to be (as in reasonable, self protective and smart women pass on dating him due to it), he may eventually seek treatment. Don't wait around for that to happen though.
very true vicki. good points and like my mom always said, if you got the gut instinct then trust it. Im pretty sure I made the right decision..just still foggy because I miss the good we had when he wasnt lying. Itll focus in better im sure.
So, by the way, he also has clear money issues and is dependent on his mom for help. I am just not understanding what is attractive about him.
Love is a choice. There are lots of people in the world to love. Why make a bad choice?
Well....he needs to be consulting this Ortho Specialist PRONTO then. Surprised the free clinic can't refer him to someone.....that's strange.
If you truly want to know whether he is really in that much pain or if he is an addict, then find the Ortho Specialist for him. It doesn't take that much time to find one. Just go to the yellow pages and start looking and calling.
Ha. Everyone is posting at the same time! Let me say that you did a good job drawing a line in your life. When you second guess yourself, think about how the worst case scenario of his drug addiction feels to you. Wishing you continued good instincts and strength. Peace
I have seen this too often dear.......he has given you excuse after excuse. Plus, he has this history of DUIs. It is clear he has issues with substance abuse.
I bet if you make the appointment for the Ortho Specialist he probably will give you a reason for why he can't go.
Thanks specialmom. I guess its because ive known him since we were kids and i knew of his past, but i seen the old friend of mine i had back when i was 12. he was a good friend even though he was fighting many demons from the past. I really thought being he was in his 30's now that he was ready to move onto a good future. his ex was a pillhead too and she still is. he said he wanted to leave the past and me being straight would keep him straight. I know he loves me, he did when we were kids too, but its got a hold of him and he refuses to admit he has a problem. i told him even if was hurting he didnt need a opana. thats the next thing to heroin! and weve been dating for 11 months now, but i just love him soo much i guess. im standing my ground, but it still hurts very badly. i miss him and want the best for him.
very true and i wouldnt doubt it. when he got his mri that was his piece of paper hed show all the ER doctors and everyone. like he was justifying his need for it, making it ok to take whatever.
I would cut your loses and move on.
Any patient in extreme pain WITHOUT a substance abuse issue would have been to the Ortho's office already.
You're right. Now I've got to get out of this empty house and visit my sister or something. Too depressing here alone, lol. I didn't think posting my question would even get any responses, but I was very wrong. Lots of support here and it's teaching me plenty. Mostly of how I was his manipulated puppet for a whole year. Yes, it's time to go visit friends and maybe buy me a little something. Been a long time since Ive treated myself! Thanks to all again, and I'll post back again.
BINGO! Dragging that paper with the MRI report around is the oldest trick in the book. Listen, he doesn't want to be fixed. He wants the pain med. Believe me, he would have found an orthopoedic surgeon by now!
How do you know what the clinic told him? We're you there? It's very strange that they don't rx narcotics but rx Tramadol. It doesn't make sense to me...
I know this is hard and it's sad for you. You WILL feel better in a short time as you see how this plays out. Just watch and see what happens. You can be more objective from a distance, Sweetie.
Yes dear.....go and treat YOURSELF.
Keep us posted.
He's addicted.... If the pain was so miserable that he couldn't move and was bed ridden, he'd be in bed. If he keeps asking for narcotics and someone finally caves in, that is enabling him.... (And he is asking your clients for pills???)
I couldn't agree more with the above posters. ALL the signs of addiction are there. ALSO, how he started his relationship with you is a crystal clear sign...and should have sent you running...that because YOU are clean, you'll keep him clean! That's one of the oldest misconceptions in the book. This guy read the book on "lies and lousy excuses to feed your loved one when using".....heck, he could have written it.
Run away and don't look back. If you cave and take him back, you will be fighting one issue after another. He will lie to you, drag you into situations that could get you into trouble, he won't care. He won't care about letting low life dangerous scum balls know where you live, he'll steal from you, he'll take your things and trade them for a few pills. He's a good liar, drug addicts usually are. They will promise you the world, then destroy your world.
As a nurse, I can tell you that his MRI results are not that bad. Like vicki said, a LOT of people have degenerative disease, it can be treated with Tylenol or Motrin. Abd sure, he may have some more severe pain at times, but NOTHING that should require Opana! Opana is an EXTREMELY strong opiod. It's Rx'd for terminal cancer patients and people with untreatable severe pain conditions.
You deserve SO much better!
I came to read these posts because lastnight he was txting me saying he wasn't sneaking or lying, he just didnt tell me because he didnt see the problem since he didnt get the opana to get high. He was going to make it last a few days "my back just hurts so bad and you just think I get them to be high, so thats why I didnt say nothing." Then he brags that someone strung out wouldnt have much many but he still has money put up from last weeks check and this weeks. *rolls eyes* He is good with that silver tongue though, that I will give him. Not going to lie and say sometimes I want to say just come back and we'll make those appointment.. but I'm trying hard not to. Thats why I came on here..lol, ya'll are being that little voice inside my head! thanks : )
Sure it's hard. Not only do you have feelings for him, but as addicts are, he is very manipulative and cunning. Hold your ground. My advice to you would be to cease all contact. Block his texts and calls. He'll get the message, and you'll feel much more in control.
Stay strong and do what's best for YOU and it isn't going back to him.
One of the things that interests me most about addiction/addicts is "manipulation". These addicts become professional manipulators. They learn what angles work and won't work with most people in their circle of friends/acquaintances.
They also find out in short order who they can manipulate and how far they can go with each person. They learn which of our heart strings to tug at, they know when to act tough, defiant, remorseful.... all to get that next fix.
There's always and excuse, but they align that excuse with what they've learned about the particular person they are trying to feed the excuse too.
You really are caught in a bind here. Whether or not this relationship moves on or moves out, as nursegirl says, cease all contact. Give him one last "time of day" statement... tell him that you're done watching him ruin his life, you're tired of his excuses, and you want to play no part to his addiction.... then tell the guy good luck and good bye.
By the way, this is for your sanity and well being as well. Don't weigh his health against yours. Your health is most important to you, or at least it should be. You need to take care of you... you can control that, but you cannot control other people or an addict.