Aa
Dont judge me please...
Ok.. I dont know how to start but i will try my best.. I always seek for a friend who can give me
nice words even if its a sermon but all i got is full of judgements and discouragements like i did something bad against the world..
I met Tomo April 24 this year, i met him tru internet and we decided to meet after so long of chattings.. When we met, we had sex already and it ended all so well.. I felt he liked me because all the things that i do he loves it taking a picture.
After days.. April 29 i met "baby" who i met also tru chat he came to my work and we went out after work with a friend and we just stayed inside the car.. My friend went home first. He travel so far but i dont want to give him a sex so i agree with giving him a *******.. And after that day we still talk both of them became my boyfriend.. But i fell inlove with baby than Tomo for some reasons i dont know. But maybe because im always with baby often than Tomo. But suddenly everything changed with baby. He became so avoidant i dont know why.. And he even got cold after sex.. There was this point that we only had sex in the car and after that he wanted to go home he didnt bring me to a hotel im insisting he said im selfish.. And the coldness and rudeness continues but Tomo stays the same.. A sweet guy.. Just i dont like him the way i like this baby. And now we broke up.. I am so sad.. When Tomo said he dont want to separate with me.. How i wish i can love tomo so maybe i can stop my stupidity with this baby.. He said all that he wants is sex.. And it hurts me because i was never treated like this before and ever in my life. I have had experience one night stands or i have had a sex friend before but they never treat me so bad this is my first time to feel that im a *****.
nice words even if its a sermon but all i got is full of judgements and discouragements like i did something bad against the world..
I met Tomo April 24 this year, i met him tru internet and we decided to meet after so long of chattings.. When we met, we had sex already and it ended all so well.. I felt he liked me because all the things that i do he loves it taking a picture.
After days.. April 29 i met "baby" who i met also tru chat he came to my work and we went out after work with a friend and we just stayed inside the car.. My friend went home first. He travel so far but i dont want to give him a sex so i agree with giving him a *******.. And after that day we still talk both of them became my boyfriend.. But i fell inlove with baby than Tomo for some reasons i dont know. But maybe because im always with baby often than Tomo. But suddenly everything changed with baby. He became so avoidant i dont know why.. And he even got cold after sex.. There was this point that we only had sex in the car and after that he wanted to go home he didnt bring me to a hotel im insisting he said im selfish.. And the coldness and rudeness continues but Tomo stays the same.. A sweet guy.. Just i dont like him the way i like this baby. And now we broke up.. I am so sad.. When Tomo said he dont want to separate with me.. How i wish i can love tomo so maybe i can stop my stupidity with this baby.. He said all that he wants is sex.. And it hurts me because i was never treated like this before and ever in my life. I have had experience one night stands or i have had a sex friend before but they never treat me so bad this is my first time to feel that im a *****.
You really should consider seeking professional mental health. Like others have said you are on a self-destructive path and it will only end up with someone being hurt. (Mentally or physically)
And really, you need to start thinking about the child you have and the child you're about to have. You're living a toxic life bringing these men in and out of your life. Getting pregnant on purpose when it sounds as though you really don't need another child. Another child isn't going to fill that void you're trying to fill. It's not fair to either child for you to act like this. It's really quite selfish.
And as hard as it may be, you NEED that paternity test. You're going to have to suck it up and put on your big girl panties. If that means losing one or both men, then that is something you have to deal with. Is it really fair to either man (whether it's guy #1 or #2) to just say, "Oh, yeah it's yours." When in reality it may not be? How would you feel if you were the man and 5, 10, 20 years down the road you find out that the child you've been raising is really not yours? Your feelings don't matter in the situation any longer. You've involved 2 men and an innocent child. You need to act like the grown up and do what is best.
And really, you need to start thinking about the child you have and the child you're about to have. You're living a toxic life bringing these men in and out of your life. Getting pregnant on purpose when it sounds as though you really don't need another child. Another child isn't going to fill that void you're trying to fill. It's not fair to either child for you to act like this. It's really quite selfish.
And as hard as it may be, you NEED that paternity test. You're going to have to suck it up and put on your big girl panties. If that means losing one or both men, then that is something you have to deal with. Is it really fair to either man (whether it's guy #1 or #2) to just say, "Oh, yeah it's yours." When in reality it may not be? How would you feel if you were the man and 5, 10, 20 years down the road you find out that the child you've been raising is really not yours? Your feelings don't matter in the situation any longer. You've involved 2 men and an innocent child. You need to act like the grown up and do what is best.
Sorry you have taken my comment as offensive.
I just believe children should be born in the BEST of circumstances. Nothing was stated about your parenting skills which I KNOW nothing about.
Professional intervention is highly recommended.
Good luck.
I just believe children should be born in the BEST of circumstances. Nothing was stated about your parenting skills which I KNOW nothing about.
Professional intervention is highly recommended.
Good luck.
Im sorry but i cant tell u everything..
All u said were right i know that..
Reading all ur comments means a lot promise.
I just didnt like the comment " i feel terrible for this baby...." that hurts me..
But i appreciate each and every words u all say..
Maybe i was wrong when i posted my life here and sorry for that..
Anyway thank u..
Im in the stage of my life where... I just want to give everything up..
I almost thought of suicide..
But because im a mother i dont want to do that..
Im not also after having a man in my life..
I dont give a damn if i will live my life without men since i became a mother i never hope for a prince charming anymore..
**** happens..
I also know that life is what u make it..
I know what i did is wrong..
I know all of u are just worried or concern..
Anyway thank u..
Sorry if i cant tell u everything...
God bless u all..
All u said were right i know that..
Reading all ur comments means a lot promise.
I just didnt like the comment " i feel terrible for this baby...." that hurts me..
But i appreciate each and every words u all say..
Maybe i was wrong when i posted my life here and sorry for that..
Anyway thank u..
Im in the stage of my life where... I just want to give everything up..
I almost thought of suicide..
But because im a mother i dont want to do that..
Im not also after having a man in my life..
I dont give a damn if i will live my life without men since i became a mother i never hope for a prince charming anymore..
**** happens..
I also know that life is what u make it..
I know what i did is wrong..
I know all of u are just worried or concern..
Anyway thank u..
Sorry if i cant tell u everything...
God bless u all..
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think that you hit on a point I was trying to make--------- when you ask "do you think I haven't thought of that?". I'm suggesting that you did think about this and am wondering how you thought it would turn out. What your motivation was to put yourself in this situation. Being able to raise a child in terms of mothering skills is different than whether it is good timing to have one.
You are on a self destructive path. Everyone here has their own hardships in life to deal with (when you say that your life is not as happy as ours) but it is important to take responsibility for ourselves.
No one is judging you with advice here. They are questioning you. And if you see something that makes you wonder about someone's ability to make good choices for themselves--------- it naturally makes you wonder about what it is like for their children. That is not a judgement others are having but a concern.
I don't know if you were desperately seeking love and thought having another child was one way to get it or 'trapping' a man to be with you due to a pregnancy but this is misguided thinking. This is something that you must try to see and get help for.
Not a judgement-------- only meant to help. I do wish you luck.
You are on a self destructive path. Everyone here has their own hardships in life to deal with (when you say that your life is not as happy as ours) but it is important to take responsibility for ourselves.
No one is judging you with advice here. They are questioning you. And if you see something that makes you wonder about someone's ability to make good choices for themselves--------- it naturally makes you wonder about what it is like for their children. That is not a judgement others are having but a concern.
I don't know if you were desperately seeking love and thought having another child was one way to get it or 'trapping' a man to be with you due to a pregnancy but this is misguided thinking. This is something that you must try to see and get help for.
Not a judgement-------- only meant to help. I do wish you luck.
Okay please don't take offense to this.... but you had to 'ask many people' if you were a good Mom? What made you unsure that you may not be?
I'm not judging just trying to understand.... From what specialmom said from looking at your post history you deliberatly got pregnant... and knowing that you were seeing two guys, one of which was using you for sex....
I think its a great idea to get therapy to find out why you've made these choices.
Do you mind if I ask what your childhood was like... was it a happy and stable one?
Best wishes and good luck :-) and I hope you don't take too much offense to my first question.
I'm not judging just trying to understand.... From what specialmom said from looking at your post history you deliberatly got pregnant... and knowing that you were seeing two guys, one of which was using you for sex....
I think its a great idea to get therapy to find out why you've made these choices.
Do you mind if I ask what your childhood was like... was it a happy and stable one?
Best wishes and good luck :-) and I hope you don't take too much offense to my first question.
Im just upset with Londres70 said about this baby thats all i dont find all ur suggestions offensive because what u all said is on my mind even before i posted this and to be honest i think very carefully if i will asked opinions about this because i have to limit what i say. I know having a child is not a joke ive been tru that.. And i never expect that i should have to be pregnant again.. I asked many people before i decided to conceive and realized i wasnt a bad a mother after all so i can take care of this besides my son is already a 5years old. My life is not perfect or happy as all of u have. And about seeking therapy, yes that would be a great idea u know i really wanted to talk to someone and i dont find it offensive i swear. And about paternity test and telling both men about them.. Its not that easy to do ok u think i never thought of that?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi. I think you are looking at advice that has something in it hard for you to hear as judgement. It is not judging you to say that I read all of your history of posts here and am concerned. Back in July---------- you asked if you were being used for sex. The general thought was that you probably were. You went on to write of how you were trying to conceive for several cycles in various places on the forum. This is your choice but one has to ask you what motivates you. Now, if you are indeed pregnant because you made every effort to ensure that it would happen------- what is your plan? What outcome did you envision as you tried to have a baby?
Babies are not band aids for our sadness nor is a man. Peace comes from within. I agree that you should seek professional help for your mental health. This is not judgment but you are making destructive choices. You are going to hurt yourself and others in the process.
I do wish you luck.
Babies are not band aids for our sadness nor is a man. Peace comes from within. I agree that you should seek professional help for your mental health. This is not judgment but you are making destructive choices. You are going to hurt yourself and others in the process.
I do wish you luck.
Nobody said you're a bad mother. Just that you need the paternity test so you know the fathers medical background otherwise if the baby ends up with a medical condition from the father's side you'll never know. Not to mention it's really not fair to either man or the baby for you to just guess.
You have to put how you feel aside here. At the moment how you feel doesn't matter. It's hard, but you made the decision to sleep with two men, so you have to put your child first.
It's not a matter of bad luck. It's a matter of you making poor decisions.
You have to put how you feel aside here. At the moment how you feel doesn't matter. It's hard, but you made the decision to sleep with two men, so you have to put your child first.
It's not a matter of bad luck. It's a matter of you making poor decisions.
I didnt say i will not do everything u say..
Its just that its not that easy to do..
I also have a heart especially knowing the other guy is very good to me ofcourse i want both of them to know..
And please dont say anything bad about the baby because baby knows nothing and i admitt my mistakes.. And for the record, i already have a son hes a 5years old healthy good boy im not a bad mother i maybe a bad grl or a bad person to your eyes but dont judge me as a mother. I can take all the judgements but in the other applications they started saying bad negative things about the baby and thats what i cant take. I know what i did. Honestly i didnt do this intentionally. Who wants to be pissed off anyway?? Things happens maybe im just so unlucky.. And about "baby" it makes me worry coz he also wants the baby and he wants it to live with his mother for years and i dont want that to happen. And "tomo" as i said no problem with him at all. Im pregnant and im so stressed im trying so hard to avoid depressions i always have sleepless nights.. Thinking about life. U can call me ***** but please leave the baby alone here.. Thats all i beg.
Its just that its not that easy to do..
I also have a heart especially knowing the other guy is very good to me ofcourse i want both of them to know..
And please dont say anything bad about the baby because baby knows nothing and i admitt my mistakes.. And for the record, i already have a son hes a 5years old healthy good boy im not a bad mother i maybe a bad grl or a bad person to your eyes but dont judge me as a mother. I can take all the judgements but in the other applications they started saying bad negative things about the baby and thats what i cant take. I know what i did. Honestly i didnt do this intentionally. Who wants to be pissed off anyway?? Things happens maybe im just so unlucky.. And about "baby" it makes me worry coz he also wants the baby and he wants it to live with his mother for years and i dont want that to happen. And "tomo" as i said no problem with him at all. Im pregnant and im so stressed im trying so hard to avoid depressions i always have sleepless nights.. Thinking about life. U can call me ***** but please leave the baby alone here.. Thats all i beg.
If you need people telling you what is right and wrong...you need to seek professional, mental help.
You're an adult. Friends should not be the deciding factor on doing what's right or wrong.
As far as the paternity test, if you don't get it and just assume this guy or that guy is the father, it will come back to bite you in the a$$. And your feelings may get hurt, you may lose one or both guys, but that's something YOU have to deal with. You made the grown up decision to have sex with more than one man at a time, that means you have to be grown up enough to deal with the consequences. Do what is right for the baby, not for yourself. If you don't get the paternity test, you're being selfish and putting your baby at risk for possible health issues.
You're an adult. Friends should not be the deciding factor on doing what's right or wrong.
As far as the paternity test, if you don't get it and just assume this guy or that guy is the father, it will come back to bite you in the a$$. And your feelings may get hurt, you may lose one or both guys, but that's something YOU have to deal with. You made the grown up decision to have sex with more than one man at a time, that means you have to be grown up enough to deal with the consequences. Do what is right for the baby, not for yourself. If you don't get the paternity test, you're being selfish and putting your baby at risk for possible health issues.
I TOTALLY agree with honeydew, you NEED a paternity test done because you were having sex with two men during a time period. It DOESN'T matter you were with "Tomo" less than "Baby." Either man can be the father. You just can't say definitely that "Baby" is the father because that is what you want. You shouldn't have to "think about" doing the RIGHT thing.
You need to let BOTH men know they could be the father of your baby.
Even if "Baby" is the father, I doubt he will be with you or do anything for you. He sounds selfish. And this "Tomo" is ok being with you still? Hmmmm, he is a good one.
I wouldn't try lying to cover anything up. Tell both men the WHOLE TRUTH. Sounds like you might have lied a bit in this mess.
Dear, I really recommend you see a therapist because your behavior is VERY self-destructive. I am afraid you will keep repeating this pattern until you get some therapy. Not only do you risk pregnancy but STDs and HIV with your low self-esteem.
I feel terrible for this baby being born into this mess.
You need to let BOTH men know they could be the father of your baby.
Even if "Baby" is the father, I doubt he will be with you or do anything for you. He sounds selfish. And this "Tomo" is ok being with you still? Hmmmm, he is a good one.
I wouldn't try lying to cover anything up. Tell both men the WHOLE TRUTH. Sounds like you might have lied a bit in this mess.
Dear, I really recommend you see a therapist because your behavior is VERY self-destructive. I am afraid you will keep repeating this pattern until you get some therapy. Not only do you risk pregnancy but STDs and HIV with your low self-esteem.
I feel terrible for this baby being born into this mess.
The baby guy is telling me now he misses me.. It made me happy but i want to refuse.. But... Theres a lot of but i need encouragements to turn him down please all my friends in facebook is not online yet...
You still need a paternity test. It's not fair to this man if it's not his child. You need to tell him the truth and do what is best for the child. Which is finding out who his/her father is.
What would happen if there is a genetic disorder from the father that unless known, could threaten the life of your child? What if one day your child needs a bone marrow transfusion and the only match is the paternal side? For the health and safety of the child, get a paternity test.
What would happen if there is a genetic disorder from the father that unless known, could threaten the life of your child? What if one day your child needs a bone marrow transfusion and the only match is the paternal side? For the health and safety of the child, get a paternity test.
Im not hoping for him anymore but ofcourse it still bothers me when hes sending me messages.. And whats more irritating he never choose.. Old girls, young, ugly name it as long it has ***** he will get it. Im just shocked because i didnt think of him like that before. Our relationship was so good and i woke up one day everything is not good anymore i dont have any idea what have i done wrong for him to suddenly change like im a piece of **** hes always avoiding. I also decided to keep the man who cares for me more.. Im so stupid... :(
Stay with the guy who really loves you and tell the other user or should i say loser to move on.He gets what he wants and then he leaves.Don,t like people like that and don,t let him have his way.As far as he is concerned he could be putting you at risk aswell.Have a full STD screen because how can you trust someone like that.
If you're having sex with both of them get a paternity test, it takes one sperm to get you pregnant so it could be either man.
You're going to have to tell both men about the other and let the cards fall where they may.
You're going to have to tell both men about the other and let the cards fall where they may.
Yes im pregnant.. And i think im pregnant with baby because i told u im witj him more often than Tomo.. I know im lucky with this guy at the same time i feel guilty.. Actually we are not really officially as "couple" but Tomo said he wants me forever and he treated me like i am his girl and i am 80% sure he dont have any other affair than me.. U know woman instinct.. And this baby guy... Hes so bad.. Hes so rude.. I have never treated this way before.. But about my pregnancy they both care for this..
It honestly sounds like guy #2 is just "with" you for the sex. He gets what he wants and he's done with you. When he does find another woman who is better at sex or that he wants to be with, he'll most likely stop all contact with you.
I agree with the PP about giving up sex so soon. It's not a good thing at all. You may want to stop doing that. You'll get a reputation for being easy and only end up with more guys like #2.
Counseling would be a good idea.
I agree with the PP about giving up sex so soon. It's not a good thing at all. You may want to stop doing that. You'll get a reputation for being easy and only end up with more guys like #2.
Counseling would be a good idea.
Hmmmm. Had a difficult time understanding your English, sorry.
I have read you other posts? So, now I am a bit confused.
Are you pregnant? And which one of these men is the father?
Not trying to be judgemental or rude, but honest. When you have sex with men this fast without knowing them you are setting yourself up for these situations to happen. How can a man respect you if you don't show any respect for yourself?
You should definitely seek counselling about why you do this and why are you stuck on a man that you barely knew, gave him sex like candy and now wants nothing to do with you. For some reason, you think this is all you are worth and deserve.
Sometimes, people treat us they way we treat ourselves.
Consider yourself lucky that this "Tomo" hasn't treated you badly even though you had sex with him too fast as well. He sounds like a decent person.
I have read you other posts? So, now I am a bit confused.
Are you pregnant? And which one of these men is the father?
Not trying to be judgemental or rude, but honest. When you have sex with men this fast without knowing them you are setting yourself up for these situations to happen. How can a man respect you if you don't show any respect for yourself?
You should definitely seek counselling about why you do this and why are you stuck on a man that you barely knew, gave him sex like candy and now wants nothing to do with you. For some reason, you think this is all you are worth and deserve.
Sometimes, people treat us they way we treat ourselves.
Consider yourself lucky that this "Tomo" hasn't treated you badly even though you had sex with him too fast as well. He sounds like a decent person.
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