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I have been with my husband since my Freshman year in high school.  That was in 1991.  We have three kids together and all is going well.  Before getting together with my husband I was together with a boy in middle school for almost three years and then he moved 200 miles away.  Long distance relationship did not work of coarse exspecially in middle school.  Got together with my husband about four months later.  I love my husband greatly but I still have dreams of my ex at least 3 to 4 times a month.  Some of the dreams are sexual and we never had sex.  My husband was my first.  What do you think that the dreams might mean and why do I still have them?  Have not talked to my ex since we broke up almost 16 years ago.  Wow, I did not realize it has been that long until now.  I just don't understand it.  My husband and I get along really well and very seldom disagree on things.  He trys his hardest to get me what I want.  Any ideas would be greatly apprieated.  Thanks.
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Avatar universal
It's normal to wonder about what could have been but most  of the time when people go back to an ex, it doesn't work.  Of course, you two were so young that it's not like what you have with your husband now so there really isn't a way to compare the two relationships.  The dreams are probably just nostalgia - I think abt my ex-bf from high school every now and again.  Think about this:  how can you really know that he would be a great guy for you now?  I have doubts that the way you remember him is the way he still is today.  

People tend to romanticize about past relationships and forget why it didn't work or that it didn't work.  It took me a while, but I can honestly say there is nobody in my past (and there's a lot) that I would ever want to be with again.  I am not a romantic person so that helps a bit ,but I think I've finally grown up and realized that those men were not for me and I wasn't for them.  Many of them were awesome people and have moved on to really great women and have good marriages/relationships.  But if I was meant to be with them, I would still be there.  Here's a saying that I love and have used before in this forum -  "Don't worry about people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future."  I think everything happens for a reason,  you and your husband have found each other, it was meant to be that way.  It's ok to think and/or dream about your ex, but to be realistic, you're probably over-romanticizing the "way we could be".
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Avatar universal
Are you COMPLETELY happy in your relationship? Or does it feel like there is something missing? If so...it may be that since that is the only other person you know... like relationship wise... you reminisce on the times you shared together. I am saying this only because... my husband and I have our "problems" and I founf out that he was talking to his ex again who is by the way...married also, with a kid. He had actually been calling her quite a bit. And... when I asked why? He simply said because he felt like we couldn't have friendly conversations. Our phonecalls are always just brief. So maybe there's something you think you might be missing in your relationship. Maybe something the ex did, that your husband doesn't do. I don't know... just a thought. I also sometimes have a dream every now and then about my ex. But it's NOT because I miss him, it's because... hell I really don't know! lol
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174515 tn?1191707269
you're always going to wonder what could have or would have been, what he might have been like etc. that is simply human nature. the thing you need to do is make sure that doesn't consume you. at least in my opinion.
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