Engaged but he still won't have sex

[lyli84]

Ok, I'm sure this question has been asked a million times, but I'm at a loss here. I am 26 years old and am engaged to a wonderful man who is 10 years older than me. We have been together for 1 1/2 years and are now engaged. The problem for me is that he doesn't seem interested in all with having sex with me.

We are both 'kinky' people, and that is actually how we met (on a kink-dating website). I know that he has a good sex-drive (wants oral sex at least once a day and loves his porn lol). I've brought up the lack of sex before, and it's always the same thing - he's stressed with his job, and he doesn't want me to think he only wants sex from me. Ok, I can understand that to a point...but it's been 18 months and we've slept together twice in that time and I did all the work (he just laid there, no touching/kissing). He's told me about the 'hundred' women he's slept with, and it makes me feel really, really depressed. He gets horny enough to want oral sex, but nothing else.

He says that I am 'the love of his life', and that he thinks I am gorgeous, sexy and 'perfect'. He thinks that the response he gives me should be enough, but we're getting MARRIED and I am worried that this will continue. We also both want children in the future, but I'm worried that it won't happen cause you kind of need to have sex to get pregnant lol. Any thoughts/advice?

[perch101]

Its all very 'one way' - he wants oral everyday so you give it to him but get nothing in return?
Most guys would feel uncomfortble with this situations - and would worry about their girlfriend feeling used.
The thing is he DOES have a sexdrive - he is able to get an erection and come with oral - he just doesn't WANT to have sex with you.....
I'm sorry this sounds so harsh but better to sound harsh now.... than to marry him and be stuck in this situation!! You need to tell him exactly how you feel - and if he dosen't change..... don't go ahead with the marriage...
Good luck with this,
Perch.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I don't think this neccessarily means he's gay but OMGolly!! oral sex does feel good!! and a vagina doesn't have a tongue!!  He sounds to me like a man who enjoys sex but is perhaps selfish and wants to be ministered to.  It's really quite silly to say he doesn't want You to think all he wants is sex from You cuz oral sex IS sex!!  - but without the same intimacy we enjoy from love making.  This is a HUGE red flag.  Personally I would feel very used if all he wanted from me was oral and was disinterested in making love.

I agree with the others:  You must resolve this before you marry him.
I also agree with You:    You don't get babies from oral sex

[sweetpea03]

I agree with the others that this is something to deal with now and find out what is going on before ever walking down that isle to marry him. It does sound like he may be gay and using you are his way to hide that, but I don't know that for sure. I'd ask him to see his doctor to have his testosterone levels checked and also have a heart to heart discussion about not having sex. The problems you have now will only get worse after you're married, so find out what's going on and fix them now, if you can.

[AnnieBrooke]

:)

[RockRose]

We posted at the same time,  Annie.  What you said.

[RockRose]

If you want to live your life giving oral to this man every day for the rest of your life,  and never having any reciprocation or vaginal sex,  then this is a good idea.

He certainly has a very high sex drive,  to ask for oral every single day.  He just doesn't like plain old sex.  He probably DOES think you're "gorgeous,  sexy and perfect".  You're wiling to be very very generous in this unworkable one-way situation.

If you decide to marry him anyway,  you really can't complain later that he wasn't absolutely honest and clear with you from the getgo,  or that you were unaware of his "kink".  BTW,  this is one of the signs of a gay man who is trying to hide it and marry a "beard" - an unsuspecting woman.   Not always,  though - some guys just like oral only.

[AnnieBrooke]

It kind of sounds like the hundred women he has had sex with are in fact a hundred men.  Either that, or he needs to go to a doc to see where his testosterone is, or else, he is just not interested in sex the old-fashioned way and only likes oral and porn.  Sorry, but these are all kind of problematic for marriage.