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Extremely depressed after breakup

Hey guys i wanted to ask a question and this is my first time on a website asking for help lol (im kinda desperate right now) anyway, my girlfriend has recently asked for a break from our relationship after dating for 2 and a half years. And i love this woman with all my heart but she wants to work on herself because she is very depressed and i have seen her cry manyyy times because life is so hard. The break started 3 days ago and she barely wants to talk to me, she stated that theres no other guy and that she loves me and values our " friendship" but have i been friend zoned? Ive been good to her so its killing me that she can just forget about me that easily and block me out her mind....i cant sleep and now i barely eat. Please help me
34 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Well, sorry you are going through this.  Break ups do hurt.  Been through a couple myself.  She is being pretty straightforward and clear that she is not wanting a romantic relationship with you at this time. Regardless of what the reason is, this is where she stands.  She's not being wishy washy or unclear but has stated that it is currently over.  

Depression is a battle and when someone faces it, it can take all their strength and leave them with little to give in a relationship.  And they may feel that working on their own life is more important than trying to make a relationship work that their heart isn't in.  

You have no choice but to let her go.  You can send her a final text and say that I'm hurting over this and if you change your mind and I'm still available, please contact me.  I wish you the very best.  

but not much more than that. And then you treat this like other heart wrenching break ups.  You get busy with your life.  Work on yourself.  Spend times with family and friends.  Develop your hobbies.  Keep a journal for your feelings.  

Time does help heal.  So, give it some time.  But I know it stinks.  Like I said, I've been face down on the floor crying over a break up too.  But went on to love again.  And you will too. peace
Avatar universal
Thanks for the reply, but she told me we werent "officially" over... She still wants to spend the holidays together and hasnt told anyone about the situation, where do i stand? Lol veryyy confusing for me
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, I'd give her space.  What you wrote above sounds like it's over.  It's hard to break up with someone.  Normal to have mixed feelings and sadness when doing it.  Even normal to get weak and 'sort' of leave an open window in case you are lonely or change your mind.    

But I think you need to HEAR what she is saying and respect it.  She's depressed and wants to work on herself. Give her that opportunity without pressure to be your girlfriend.  

and stay busy so you aren't always thinking about it.  Let some time pass.  good luck
Avatar universal
Here's the thing, if you don't give her the space she said she needed to work out her situation then you'll push her away completely. The best thing you could do right now is not contact her at all. Let her be the one to reach out to you when she wants to talk. But in the meantime go spend time with your friends and family and don't sit home waiting for her to call you. Just live your life and if/when she realizes that she misses you, skew will contact you. Until then, don't bug her.
Avatar universal
Ok ill take the advise :) ill let you guys know how it goes

-thank you all
Avatar universal
Agree with Chima.  

Give her alone time as she has asked.  

Doesn't sound like you've been "friend zoned;" sounds like she needs to take care of herself and you need to respect that.
Avatar universal
Hi, I broke up with my first long term boyfriend. We had been going out for 4 years. Although it was my choice i was very upset as i really did love him. I told him that I wanted to be friends. He was so upset. I still remember the look on his face as i broke his heart.i needed to do what was right for me. It was hard in the beginning but we did remain good friends.were more than 10 years down the line and although i don't see him as much as i used to he will always be one of my best friends. I think you both really need space to start the healing process as much for you as for her. I'm not saying you should be friends only that maybe she does really value your friendship. She's doing what she feels is best for her. You do what you feel is best for you but you must respect her feelings and give her space.
Avatar universal
Thanks for the support everyone, she called it off officially today and says she needs time to find herself and were still friends (although i feel half dead) im respecting her choice..you guys think we can end up together at some point? She cried today because ahe thinks its not fair for me that she made that choice ps i accidentally almost kissed her today, it was so hard not to...
Avatar universal
It is possible somewhere down the road she might want to rekindle things...........that's possible, HOWEVER, I do encourage you to keep moving with your life and your goals and don't let this take all your energy.  I understand this is upsetting and sad and it's ok you aren't feeling 100% after this breakup, but you must press on.  

Keep in mind someone with a diagnosis of depression will always have to deal with it..........it doesn't just go away meaning she will probably have high and low periods in her life.  If you do get back together it is best you educate yourself about depression.  It is definitely NO easy road for the person with depression nor for the loved ones.

Hang in there..........things will get better eventually.
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Agree with londres.  It may be possible but you don't know that and it is best to go on living and finding peace and someone that is available emotionally for you to love.  peace
Avatar universal
I told her i didnt want to see her after thanksgiving today, it hurts me but she is already thinking about if other guys find her attractive :/ i cried because its only been 4 days and she can just forget about me that easily ...after i told her i didnt want to see her she asked that we talk about how we hurt each other good/bad things, what should i do?? I breath heavily and panic when i picture her with someone else
Avatar universal
Was this wrong?? Should i be by her side when she needs me? I dont want to make her more depressed since im now the "best friend" i love her and dont want to hurt her, she still means everything to me
Avatar universal
How do you know she is thinking about if other guys find her attractive?

She needs to make her mind up.  If she needs the break then you both shouldn't be discussing anything.  Does she want to rekindle the relationship now?

You should of had this talk about how you hurt each other BEFORE the breakup.

What exactly is or was she depressed over?  The relationship or life in general?

Avatar universal
She is very complicated lol but i can deal with that, and she is depressed with life in general and felt like she needs to pull herself together and i know she is think if other guys find her attractive because she went on a trip (post breakup) and was dancing with another guy and he left her and she was like "i think guys get creeped out by me am i ugly" and also she was like " i tell you everything nd you kno how i am after a breakup and i wont be a nun, ill kiss alot of guys but no sex" to my face! After i was suffering from the breakup and idk what she wants to talk about yet, ill be visiting her later tonight ps im considered best friend so i think she doesnt want to lose me because of that lol i think thats pretty selfish if i were right
Avatar universal
Went on a trip?  Didn't you two just break up?  I thought this girl was depressed and now she is going on trips dancing and having fun with other guys?  

Well, if she is telling you all this nonsense to your face she definitely doesn't care about your feelings best friend or not.  People don't hurt people they care about deliberately.

If I were you I would leave her alone.  She sounds troubled and totally confused.

How was your bf/gf relationship?  Was it the same nonsense then?
Avatar universal
To add:  I wouldn't meet her or contact her at all.  She wanted a break.........give it to her.  

She is playing some kind of game with you.

Did you ever do anything to her that would cause her to act this way?
Avatar universal
She was pretty loyal, the thing is shes the type of person that speaks w.o thinking...and our relationship was pretty good but still with problems like she would be depressed and cry and stressed with school. While we were going out she told me that she didnt know if she was with me because i was a good guy/meant to be or did all the guys before me just suck. I told her thats how it feels when you find the right person lol u go through crappy people and you find the right one PS few weeks back she wanted us married (i was planning to pop the question around christmas time)
Avatar universal
If she is that fragile and depressed she should be seeking therapy.  Don't become co-dependent which sounds like what you're doing.
Avatar universal
No i didnt, i wouldnt go out with my friends just her, i would give her my full attention and i would randomly bring her arrangements of fruits dipped in chocolate when shes was sad or flowers during long days (no lie)
Avatar universal
She is in therapy, her therapist said the break was ok...
Avatar universal
Oh, for heaven's sake DON'T marry this one.

I didn't ask how she was in the bf/gf relationship.........I asked how you were.

She is confused and doesn't know what she wants.  I would encourage her to talk with a therapist and I wouldn't be meeting with her.  Besides, what is she going to tell you when you meet her?  How much she is thinking about other guys or something hurtful?  

Leave her alone and let all of this cool down.  She needs to sort herself out.
Avatar universal
Good that therapy is on board, so she will be ok even if you aren't around.

I would recommend you make no contact with her whatsoever and let this cool off.  

You cannot be her savior.  

Avatar universal
Are you doing anything else in your life besides worrying about this girl?  Do you have other friends and activities?  You sound a bit too attentive.
Avatar universal
I hurts not seeing her :/ i know its wrong or unhealthy for me to see her...but i care ALOT about her still :( and idk if some people are wondering this but im not in this for looks lol idc about how a person looks but before things were bad i met a nice girl that stole my heart and i instantly fell in love, i just dont want her feeling alone when she needs me, ive always been there for her you know? And during the relationship i was happy with her and in love like never before..she wants to meet in an hour
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