Family Issues...Feel Like I am Going to Have a Nervous Breakdown..help

[candygram]

Hi Guys,

This is more so of a question in reference to family relationships not dating. To make a long story short, my dad has been unemployed for 3yrs and its really taking a toll on him mentally and on my mom and I too. My brother is away at college so he really doesn't have to deal with the stress daily. I am a college graduated...graduated 2 yrs and I finally got a job in my field last August. So I am happy about that. I still live at home because I am trying to save money and I also plan to go back to school next fall. However, living at home is totally stressing me out due to the issues going on. My dad seems to be constantly sad bc he cannot find a job, my mom is stressed bc she is the only one working and having to pay the bills...its just to much. I feel like I am caught in the middle. I don't know what to say to them...I try to keep a positive outlook on all of this, but I honestly am wanting to give up. I feel bad for my dad bc he is trying very hard, but he just isn't get a break. I have seen him cry more in his life than I ever have before and it's just to much for me to take. I just try to disconnect myself from all of this, but it's hard bc i live here with them. There are times when i can't sleep, my chest and breathing gets heavy,I randomly start crying and I almost feel like I am gonna have a nervous breakdown behind all of this. Like I just need suggestions on how to cope with this and still be there for my family? We are really close and I do not want this setback in our lives to ruin that.

Thanx In Advance Guys For Your Advice

[ku111]

I am so sorry you all are having to go through all of this.  So many people are in this situation.  As a family, stay strong and you will get through this.  Love does much!  You know, I don't know what your dad did but I know a couple of guys that put signs up on the corners for "handy man" work and OMG are they busy!  There are people who honestly don't know how or don't want to clean guttering, restain their decks, cut tree limbs...all kinds of stuff but will pay other people to do it for them.  They do pretty darn well.  Is this something your dad may have intest in?  I wish all the best!  Hang in there!

[deadmemory]

Just wanted to check on the poster.. hope all is well..

Very good advice everyone :)

Krystal

[Londres70]

Will agree with Brice1967; great recommendations.  

Continue to work, but postpone going back to school.  Reason I say that is because if you return back to school who is going to be paying for that?  Are you going to try to work and go to school?  You aren't returning back to school just to escape your family situation?  

Are you contributing to the family household expenses while you are living there?

Perhaps there are positions for your dad where you work?

[brice1967]

Interesting story and I am sorry that your family is having to go through this.  Losing a job is stressful enough, but then to not be able to find work for 3 years has to be ripping your dad to shreds, not to mention the stress it is having on the family and your mother in particular.

At this point in time, I would not suggest leaving home.  Running away from our problems never works.  In time, those problems manifest in other ways and come back to haunt us more than they had before.  What I'd suggest is being more helpful around the house.  Ask your mother what you can do to help her.  Maybe it is contribute to the grocery bill, power bill, running the vacuum, trying to help your father in his search for work.  It would also be a big help to let your parents know that you are there to offer support in any way possible.  (Your father probably should seek some help for the level of depression he is experiencing.)

Bottom line, the problem itself has to be addressed.  Another thing to remember is, you can take care of #1 (you) while addressing the other issues.  Get time for yourself, even if it is for a simple walk or jog, every day.  An hour or so of extra exercise is wonderful for anxiety.  (It sounds like you are suffering from a good deal of anxiety.)

If you do not get at the root of the problem, it will not go away.

Good luck

[nightwolf11949]

Sometimes you have to look back and wonder how did our last generation go on during the great depression. They really had a hard time during the war years when we look back into history. I sometimes have the same problem at my age when finding work. I went to univ. Also I'm so trained in my profession that I now can't find a job because I know to much. When I go for interviews, I've gotten statements like we can't afford you even before they ask how much do I want, or what I'm willing to do. Anyway, education is a good thing, but what is better is the will power to do what it takes to survive. I thought about putting notes up in places like laundry mats offering things I know how to do like fix household things, or small electrical and repair jobs. Or even cleaning someone's attic and basements of years of garbage. In other words, I being a handy man instead of the electrical field I once studied for. I have never been so busy lately because I am doing things people don't have time for. The thing is, I did what I had to as a single father to provide for my child. I never gave up or did I allow today's world of all them educated people put in my mind I"m only good for one thing or one type of job. You need the will power to survive.

[deadmemory]

Sometimes you got to look out for number one (YOU) I doubt your parents want you to be on your way for a break down. I feel for ya. All I can suggest is possibly looking for a cheap studio apt so you can get out of your stressful situation. My parents MAJOR guilt tripped me when I moved out, but they got over it. The economical times are so devestating for everyone.. I know there are people out there who are younger who CAN'T live on their own yet. Its great you have an education! I know it isn't easy since you feel so close to your family, but you are an educated adult... time to find a cheap apt or something or perhaps find a roomie. (Friend?)

The fact you are getting sick (chest pains) on edge of nervous breakdown is very disturbing. You need to do what's best for you! Don't wait for the alternative!