Aa
Feel Like Husbands Family is Ruining Our Marriage
First off let me say that I am super sorry this is such a novel but that I could really use some advice or at least someone to tell me if it is honestly my fault or to tell me that I’m not crazy for feeling so broken because of this.
Ever since I met my husband I have felt like the third wheel around his family and they have made points to tell me that I am not liked. I have been with my husband for 3 years now. I have a 4 year old that he is supposed to be adopting from a previous relationship and together he and I have another daughter that just turned 2 last week. I have always put up with his families dislike of me and have tried to be the bigger person and let things go. Before we got married his mother came to our house crying because her and her son were in a fight and he wouldn’t talk to her so I felt bad and talked to her and during our conversation she tells me that she doesn’t know why her son is with me. That he should be with someone from Harvard or Columbia instead of a stupid little party girl like me.
Recently my mother in law called me to tell me how unsupportive I am of my husband and how I am the worst daughter in law and biggest disappointment in her life. I posted to all my friends on facebook that “I love when my mother in law calls me a disappointment. Just means she loves me!” All my friends commented about how horrible in laws can be and to not let her get to me. Well my niece (on my husband’s side) saw the post and texted me telling me I’m a horrible person and how could I do that to her grandma? Then I get a call from my husband saying that his niece had seen it and that his mom was mad and upset and that I was uninvited to his sister’s wedding until I deleted the post and apologized to his mother. His mother also decided to email every friend of mine that commented on it and tell them that she loves my family and that I was exaggerating and wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt my family and loved us all. Anyways, I refused for 3 days to apologize because I don’t feel like I should have to censor what I say to my friends. But I could see that it was hurting my husband and so I decided to be the bigger person and I apologized and deleted the post. At the wedding they were short with me and rude and during the family “couples” dances and toasts I was given the job of filling up shots by myself on the other side of the venue.
My husband recently was cornered by his mom into leaving his job to come do the sales for her job. She claimed that he would be making better money since it was commissioned based, but that he would need to work really hard to get the numbers up to receive decent money. Before that he was making about 3000-8000 a month at his old job. When he told me he was going to quit and go work for his mom I BEGGED him not to. I told him that I didn’t think she would ever allow him to make more then he was currently making and I knew if he was with them 24/7 that they would get involved in our relationship and I didn’t want that. Within the first two months of working there he was only bringing in about $500 a week which to support our household (since I had just graduated from college and was searching for a job) was not enough. I ended up trying to sign up for food stamps and we were sent eviction papers from the landlord of the property we rent. When we needed to send in the food stamp papers I had just picked up my daughter from school and was wearing sweat pants. He told me to come into the office to fax the papers so I came in for about 5 minutes and left. About a week later is when we received the eviction notice which he asked me to bring him and then left on his desk for about a week. Then I ended up getting a job and called him to say “YAY” and he asked me to stop by the office so he could borrow some money. I went down to his office and handed him a $20 and asked if it was enough and he said that he needed to pay his phone bill and so I went out to my car and came back in and gave him $100. Then I reminded him that my car bill was due the next day so I needed the money back asap. That night I got a call from my mother-in-law screaming at me that I was NEVER allowed to come to her office again because I create too make conflict for a work environment. I asked her what she meant since I hadn’t felt like I had done anything and she starts yelling about how I come into her office in pjs and leave our eviction crap all over the place for anyone to find and that I was yelling at Nathan about money when I went into the office earlier that day. I started to cry and my husband was like “whats wrong” and so I hung up on her and told him and he was upset because he felt that I too had done nothing wrong and that I most certainly hadn’t yelled and so he called her and told her to back off. Then after calling her he tells me that its my fault and that I need to respect her boundaries.
Ever since I met my husband I have felt like the third wheel around his family and they have made points to tell me that I am not liked. I have been with my husband for 3 years now. I have a 4 year old that he is supposed to be adopting from a previous relationship and together he and I have another daughter that just turned 2 last week. I have always put up with his families dislike of me and have tried to be the bigger person and let things go. Before we got married his mother came to our house crying because her and her son were in a fight and he wouldn’t talk to her so I felt bad and talked to her and during our conversation she tells me that she doesn’t know why her son is with me. That he should be with someone from Harvard or Columbia instead of a stupid little party girl like me.
Recently my mother in law called me to tell me how unsupportive I am of my husband and how I am the worst daughter in law and biggest disappointment in her life. I posted to all my friends on facebook that “I love when my mother in law calls me a disappointment. Just means she loves me!” All my friends commented about how horrible in laws can be and to not let her get to me. Well my niece (on my husband’s side) saw the post and texted me telling me I’m a horrible person and how could I do that to her grandma? Then I get a call from my husband saying that his niece had seen it and that his mom was mad and upset and that I was uninvited to his sister’s wedding until I deleted the post and apologized to his mother. His mother also decided to email every friend of mine that commented on it and tell them that she loves my family and that I was exaggerating and wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt my family and loved us all. Anyways, I refused for 3 days to apologize because I don’t feel like I should have to censor what I say to my friends. But I could see that it was hurting my husband and so I decided to be the bigger person and I apologized and deleted the post. At the wedding they were short with me and rude and during the family “couples” dances and toasts I was given the job of filling up shots by myself on the other side of the venue.
My husband recently was cornered by his mom into leaving his job to come do the sales for her job. She claimed that he would be making better money since it was commissioned based, but that he would need to work really hard to get the numbers up to receive decent money. Before that he was making about 3000-8000 a month at his old job. When he told me he was going to quit and go work for his mom I BEGGED him not to. I told him that I didn’t think she would ever allow him to make more then he was currently making and I knew if he was with them 24/7 that they would get involved in our relationship and I didn’t want that. Within the first two months of working there he was only bringing in about $500 a week which to support our household (since I had just graduated from college and was searching for a job) was not enough. I ended up trying to sign up for food stamps and we were sent eviction papers from the landlord of the property we rent. When we needed to send in the food stamp papers I had just picked up my daughter from school and was wearing sweat pants. He told me to come into the office to fax the papers so I came in for about 5 minutes and left. About a week later is when we received the eviction notice which he asked me to bring him and then left on his desk for about a week. Then I ended up getting a job and called him to say “YAY” and he asked me to stop by the office so he could borrow some money. I went down to his office and handed him a $20 and asked if it was enough and he said that he needed to pay his phone bill and so I went out to my car and came back in and gave him $100. Then I reminded him that my car bill was due the next day so I needed the money back asap. That night I got a call from my mother-in-law screaming at me that I was NEVER allowed to come to her office again because I create too make conflict for a work environment. I asked her what she meant since I hadn’t felt like I had done anything and she starts yelling about how I come into her office in pjs and leave our eviction crap all over the place for anyone to find and that I was yelling at Nathan about money when I went into the office earlier that day. I started to cry and my husband was like “whats wrong” and so I hung up on her and told him and he was upset because he felt that I too had done nothing wrong and that I most certainly hadn’t yelled and so he called her and told her to back off. Then after calling her he tells me that its my fault and that I need to respect her boundaries.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Let me just say that I probably don't need any more details on stories to get the idea that you two have a lot of drama and a lot of problems. His mom may not be a charming woman but the source of these issues are you and you and your husband's communication (lack of and style when upset).
I don't think that you'll be able to fix it yourself at this point as you are very caught up in the details. They no longer matter. You and you and he have issues. that's it. Go to a professional and sort them out. (PS: no judgement but being mostly naked in a pic is something you should have shared with your husband if he asked if you had taken nude photos. Your indignation that his family showed him is overshadowed by your attempt to deceive him. I can see why he was angry. And THOSE things are what you need to own rather than being mad at his sister.)
good luck. I don't know if you'll make it or not. You have a lot of work to do both personally and as a couple. Wishing you the best
I don't think that you'll be able to fix it yourself at this point as you are very caught up in the details. They no longer matter. You and you and he have issues. that's it. Go to a professional and sort them out. (PS: no judgement but being mostly naked in a pic is something you should have shared with your husband if he asked if you had taken nude photos. Your indignation that his family showed him is overshadowed by your attempt to deceive him. I can see why he was angry. And THOSE things are what you need to own rather than being mad at his sister.)
good luck. I don't know if you'll make it or not. You have a lot of work to do both personally and as a couple. Wishing you the best
?? ?? ?? !! !! !!
You lost me somewhere along the way!! !! !! I do NOT understand where this "Engagement Guy Ring Story" came from !! !! !!
and
I do not understand how it has anything to do with the predicament that brought You here !! !! !!
Is it me?? ?? ?? as in, however did I miss this?? ?? ??
You lost me somewhere along the way!! !! !! I do NOT understand where this "Engagement Guy Ring Story" came from !! !! !!
and
I do not understand how it has anything to do with the predicament that brought You here !! !! !!
Is it me?? ?? ?? as in, however did I miss this?? ?? ??
Engagement ring guy story: We went to the Phoenix Bridal Show and one of the booths there was a jewelry company specializing in custom rings. We took down their information and called and discussed my ring for a couple months, chose a setting, center diamond and negotiated price. Paid $3000 to get the ring started and it was supposed to be finished in 8 weeks, at which time we would make monthly payments on the remaining $5000. 8 weeks comes and goes. No ring. Designer says its because something happened to one of the machines and they had to order a part and it would be done in 4 more weeks. 4 weeks passes and still no ring. Contact the guy who says 2 more weeks he promises and send me an unclear picture of a 1/2 finished ring. 2 weeks comes and goes, at this point husband and I are pretty frustrated. Jeweler says that he just found out that the ring hasn't even been started due to delays and it will br another 8 weeks. We decide to just ask for our money back and he says no refund on custom orders. We fought with him for months about our money, he wad also doing the same thing to other couples because this was his get rich quick scheme. It was on the news and apparently he is now wanted for assulting a bank teller when she informed him his money was frozen. Whole stupid mess. Moral of story don't trust all booths at wedding shows because all they have to do is buy the booth without having a real company.
Some thrive on crisis. Could that be the situation here? It's seems You
and MIL are BOTH focused on making each other look like the "bad guy".
I feel more sympathy for Your Husband and Her Son than anyone else in
this scenario that just keeps on keeping on. Poor Guy - Between His Wife
and His Mother He's getting no peace.
Glad You're going for therapy. Good Luck
and MIL are BOTH focused on making each other look like the "bad guy".
I feel more sympathy for Your Husband and Her Son than anyone else in
this scenario that just keeps on keeping on. Poor Guy - Between His Wife
and His Mother He's getting no peace.
Glad You're going for therapy. Good Luck
Showed less then a bikini. My father who is very conservative saw the picture and after my husband calmed down he admitted it wasn't that bad. Its also a side profile shot and everything is covered. I've seen worse pictures in ads of regular magazines.
Oh brother......What hasn't happen in your marriage? Honey, you got ALOT to sort through. Kinda reminds me of having to wash laundry AFTER 2-3 weeks worth built up and you just don't know where to begin. Yeah, where do you begin with all this?
I would be calling that therapist to see if she/he has any cancellations to get you in earlier. You need a session STAT.
There will almost have to be a miracle for this to work out. This doesn't sound hopeful.
I would be calling that therapist to see if she/he has any cancellations to get you in earlier. You need a session STAT.
There will almost have to be a miracle for this to work out. This doesn't sound hopeful.
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