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Feels like I lost my fetish when my girlfriend left me.

I have been in many relationships from long term to Short term but this one has toon a big toll
On me. More so than any other relationship I've been in. Here's the kicker we only dated 2 months. I should've been over her by now but I can't seen to shake it.  The intamacy was fantastic and couldn't ask for better. I have a latex fetish and when I told her she told Me hers which was bdsm. We both loved eachothers fetish and cattered to them. She soon became addicted to latex and bought a lot of latex clothing. She had trust issues and has been hurt before so being intamate was something that was earned with both of us. Anyways she was going as a latex nurse as Halloween which was my biggest fantasy but what once was a dream come true morphed into a nightmare she all of a sudden lost interest in me and her feelings where not the same. I don't understand becuase I was not clingy, nor jealous and i let her have her space as she let me have mine. But she left me on Halloween, the dy the latex nurse outfit arrived so I feel like I was teased but never got off so sexual frustration set in now I can't masturbate, or think about latex without a knot forming in my stomach. What's wrong? My past girlfriends knew about my fetish and cattered to it but not like this one did.  Help me find the answer I'm stumped.
10 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
I would view that as  a positive,  actually.

Thank goodness that girl was able to cure me of that fetish!  kind of thing.   Now,  hopefully as time goes by you can go on to true eroticism in your sexual desire and not lust after an outfit,  but the woman herself.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Agree with rockrose and feel a therapist may benefit you.  good luck
Avatar universal
Agree with RockRose - Great suggestion, RockRose!!
Agree with SpecialMom regards a therapist!!
Avatar universal
It's not the outfit or the latex it's more of "I shared this with her, she respected it and now she's gone" kind of thing. Everyone has fetishes in some way or form. In my opinion they harm no one as long as they are benine like mine (some are extreme and need therapy) theres always something that particular that drives someones sexual dessires up the wall but I have talked to many Of my close female friends and they think it's really cool. I'm starting to Feel better though but thanks for everyone's input. Have a nice day :)
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well good luck replace your girlfriend who is gone if she made you happy.  I personally think 'fettishes' aren't someone everyone has.  There might be things that turn them on but that is different than a fettish.  They aren't a big deal until they start interferring with relationships (as yours is doing).  goodl luck
13167 tn?1327194124
Zakki,  I think I could probably bore you to death about what a fetish IS, actually.  

They are taking something that isn't sexual,  and somehow getting confused that it IS sexual,  and demanding that nonsexual thing be a part of sex.   It's a distraction from sexuality.

For example,  becoming distracted that pain and fear are sexuality - because a person's first sexual experiences involved pain,  shame,  and fear.  So they become involved in bdsm,  because they've paired the two together and can't have one without the other.  Similar to movies and popcorn.  People who have been trained to eat popcorn in front of a movie,  same thing about needing pain to allow themselves to experience sexual pleasure.

I don't know where the latex thing came from but it's distracting you from sex.  Which is fine,  whatever floats your boat,  it doesn't hurt anyone but don't think that "everyone" has these.

Most people have sexual preferences.  Some men prefer blondes,  some brunettes,  some big boobs,  some tiny thin frames,  it's a preference.  They find the woman who fits that preference and they're good to go.  They don't need a nonsexual item (like latex or a cattle prod) to experience fabulous sex.

Anyway,  best wishes.
Avatar universal
Agree with SpecialMom - "not everyone has a fetish" AND "turn-on's are not the same as a fetish"

Loved RockRose's explanation to You in "turn on" vesus "fetish".  (You didn't bore me, RockRose, I enjoyed your comparisons!)
Avatar universal
I know it sounds like that's the only thing I miss about the relationship but it's not. I miss te way we laughed, her smile when I made her blush, the sweet nothing's we would whisper to eachother. When she surprised me by coming over before I woke up and crawl in bed with me. The times we spent in her car just talking about everything untill the sun came up, i would supeose her with a cup of home made hot chocolate if it was cold.  So in reality I miss everything about her and the thought of all that is gone just tears me up. I know I will find someone who will want to stay and someone who's feelings won't change for me on a dime.  So it's not only her fetish I catered to and mine that she catered to but every single moment we had together. The other stuf in the bedroom was just a bonus.  Hope this gives a better insight to me and my feelings torwards her.
Avatar universal
What You miss does sound better this second time around but Initially Your post sounded like Your Disappointment revolved around Your latex fetish and Your disappointment about "missing out" on that "latex nurse outfit" AND Your "inability to masturbate now" because "sexual frustration set in" AND now, You "can't think about latex without a knot forming in Your stomach"

So, I'm sure You understand why we misunderstood (if, in fact, we did) Your issue.
3149845 tn?1506627771
Sexuality can be an over powering force and being with the right person can make your legs weak the next day but this means only your legs. Obviously she does not feel the same about you. Its not about a fetish, its about sharing intimacy. You opened yourself up to her and she was just using you, thats your knot. Its true that meeting a person that makes your knees weak is rare and you dont want to let them go but you have no choice here. She will go on and do this to someone else as you taught her a great sexual pleasure that she will now share with another.  But she will be hurt someday as well. This happens to most people and is called a broken heart. Its another of lifes lessons and consider it a learning experience.
If the pain is to much for you, you might consider a form of threatment called ROLFING. Its perfect for this situations.
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