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Avatar universal

Fighting

I am a Senior in high school and for the past two years I have been getting into to weed and I have stolen on two occasions and been caught. I am one of the most liked people in my class and my family has always said that I have the most kind heart in the family. I always see things differently than my mom and all we do everyday is yell at each other. I have my flaws but she is overdoing it. She brings up things from the past to try and blame me. She can not control how she talks to her family members and our relationship is little to nothing now. I know I have things to change and my mom is giving up on me. I don't want this to be the end of our relationship. PLEASE help. I don't know what to do because I can change all I want but if she doesn't trust me and she cant start changing as well then there is really no hope. Advice?
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Avatar universal
The best thing to do is start changing FOR YOU.  Don't worry about her.  She will come around with time.  But for this change to mean anything or be permanent, you have to do it for you and not for anyone else.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Well, you are still a minor and I would imagine that your mom has been very worried about you.  You've made some poor choices.  it's hard to see right now but perhaps what your mom says and does is out of love and concern for you.  

As she is your elder, your parent, the person who gave birth to you---  I recommend that you kind of get over yourself a bit.  I know at your age, you think you're grown up and know so much about life but you've barely lived.  So many kids your age have trouble with parental figures because they don't get that adults really often DO know things you don't and know better than you.  It's a stage that all teens go through . . .   and it's something that people often look back on and realize how wrong they were.  

So, don't give into it.  

also, a big lesson in life is that you can not change anyone else.  If you want a better relationship with your mom, change yourself.  This will be the case in every meaningful relationship you have.  Example---  I can't control my husband or make HIM change, but I CAN change myself.  That's what I have to work on.  Myself.  And by doing so, I can change the dynamic of the relationship.  So, work on how you treat her and your own part in the problems.  That's  a start in making things better.

good luck
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Avatar universal
Rest assured that your parent has nurtured and cared for you the past eighteen years just wants the best for you. I lost my mother a few years  ago and let me tell you regrets are not a very happy thing to live with. If you want trust, you earn it. Start doing what she asks of you she's tiered after a long day of work and now she has the extra chore of making sure your doing what you are suppose to be doing. So help you mom out. I am sure that you are a good kid. Just experimenting with rebellion but one day you will see how hard it is to be all grown up paying bills and taking care of everything. Your eighteen get it together.
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Avatar universal
I agree with above posters!!

Trust is not a privilege.  Trust is  E A R N E D - and You've compromised trust for YourSelf during the last 2 years by "getting into weed", by "stealing on 2 occasions and getting caught".  Now it's Your job to E A R N trust and that takes time.

Your Mother has not "given up on You".  Giving up means not caring and walking away.  Your Mother cares very much and I suspect that You are doing what teenagers do in Your response to Her concern.  Teenagers tend to feel They don't need to be told anything; they feel They know all They need to know.  That simply is not true (as evidenced by You "getting into weed" and stealing).  You knew that was not best judgement but You did it anyway.  I'm not criticizing You but simply pointing out that You made poor choices and T H A T is concerning to Your Mother.   Teenagers still need to be guided by Their parents but teenagers resent that 'cuz it is typical for teenagers to think:  I already K N O W, I don't need to be reminded - but that's simply not true as evidenced by the poor choices You've made over the last 2 years.
Give Your Mom a break.  She loves You and She is concerned about Your behaviors.  That's what Mom's do.  This I know is true.
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