Friend Ex

[MrConfusedAtTheMoment]

Hello, I need a little bit of your opinion or a lot if you will. I have a girl and i think she is interested in me at the moment and I am kind of interested in her too, but she is my friend's ex gf and that is the only reason why I am holding myself back as well as my heart, they dated 2 years ago though, now i am in 12th grade and so is she. I am currently talking to her now but, I haven't flirted or anything with her cause of the thought that she is my friend ex, but this guy, I don't talk to him often and never hangout with him outside of school, the only time I hangout with him is in class and at lunch 2 years ago, now I am in his group chat but we don't even talk, i feel like i am stuck in eternal loop, i like this girl and thinking of buying her a teddy bear since her birthday is coming up, im really stuck, i want her but she is my friend ex and i feel like im betraying him by doing this, and he is the quiet, i dont give a f*ck vibes off him, so maybe i will receive a punch to the face, who knows.

[specialmom]

If you are worried about it, you could run it by him.  Just say you are thinking of asking her out (or however you phrase that) and if he has a problem with that.  If you aren't too close, hey, maybe it is worth the risk to just go for it too.  

I think giving her some candy or something is easy to do.  I personally know girls that like the teddy bear thing and you know her best.  But something really casual is in order.  Just more of a gesture type of thing.  

I sure hope you let us know how it goes!

[auntiejessi]

I agree with the others - it doesn't sound like you are that close to him, and to add another point - when you're in high school, there's a pretty limited dating pool. It's really nice to not date your friend's ex, but from what I remember of high school, it sometimes happened.

I also agree with holding off on the teddy bear. You all are adults, basically, and she may see that as a childish gift. She may really like it, too, but talk to her first. :)

[AnnieBrooke]

Do you ever see him around, such that you could casually ask him if he would be angry if you saw this girl? Two years is a while, maybe he has moved on. (But if she broke up with him rather than the other way around, he might still have feelings for her. There's something about being the one on the receiving end of a breakup that will do that, and the person can carry a candle for the other for quite a long time.)

If you don't know him well enough to ask him, you could buy the teddy bear and give it to her but still be kind of noncommital, and then if she gives out vibes that she'd like to get to know you more than just talking at school, you could tell her your concerns and ask if she thinks your friend would take it hard if you two begin to see each other. But you're really better off just asking the friend directly.

I would take seriously that your friend could be hurt or find that some possessive feelings come up for him if you and she begin to get together. It's worth talking to him about it. Even if you just get to the point where you find out that he does have feelings but say to him that you feel after two years, she is a free agent, at least you will have been man enough to say it all to his face.

[Paxiled]

As an old guy now but I was once in high school, I'd nix the teddy bear idea.  It's as likely to creep her out as make her happy.  Here's the thing, the fact two people dated doesn't mean they were all that close.  Some relationships are love and some are just fun.  You say this guy is your friend, but also say you hardly know him, and that's not a friend, that's an acquaintance.  Nobody owns someone just because they dated at one time.  But Annie is right, if he is a friend and more than what you describe, you can ask him what he thinks.  I think I wouldn't have cared if it wasn't a close friend.  At your age, two years is an eternity, and I'm guessing anyone who started seriously dating that young has moved on and has another girlfriend or two or three by now.  But as for the teddy bear, if you do decide to go for it, just talk to her.  Get to know her.  Ask her out.  If it goes well, then you can give her a teddy bear if that's her thing.  If she likes you, it's your company she wants, not a teddy bear.  That can come later, not out of the blue.  Peace.