Aa
A
A
A
Close
Relationships Community
6.35k Members
Avatar universal

Future Husband with a question

My girl friend soon to be my future wife has a problem with cleaning up the house. We have three children together and she stays at home while im at work. My question is when I come home the house is a mess but she always blame it on the kids what should I do?
7 Responses
152852 tn?1205717026
Could be lots of things.  It's hard to tell.  Could she be feeling frustrated or angry?  I'm wondering why you have three kids together and are just now deciding to get married.

I know that my husband likes things in order, so I have actually ran around the house putting things away and then I light candles and put on nice music right before he gets home.  I do it because he makes me happy and is supportive of me and appreciates me (even when the house is a mess).  He acknowledges how hard I work and that I have the most important job in the world--nurturing and caring for our children.  I've hired people to help with organizing and when I was recovering from having my baby, I had cleaning girls come weekly--all with his total support and encouragement.

So, my question to you would be this: Is she not doing what she knows is important to you as some kind of protest (conscious or subconscious)?
13167 tn?1327197724
I agree with Agiesmom,  but also want to add that a mother with three young kids will have a messy house unless she spends all day ignoring the kids and cleaning the house.  Is the house filthy - like,  no one ever cleans the toilets,  ever does dishes,  etc.,  or is it full of toys and bins of clean laundry and snack plates still on the table?

I'm curious too about why you waited to have three kids before making her your "soon to be future wife".   Whatever that means.
Avatar universal
Thanks for replying,


              To clear things up, we have one child together thats 2 yrs old, I have a older daughter thats 8 and she has a son thats 6. The house is a mess from start to finish, I;m talking about every dish in the house dirty unless I do it. She does do some things like laundry but, the house is still a mess. I do thank her and apperiacate her for the things she does but its still a job on both ends. When I goto to work I can't say I want to take a nap or I didn't feel like it so why can she. We both have expections, she expects me to bring home money every day, so I can expect her to take care of and protect the kids and keep the house clean.



PS. When I stayed at home the house was clean 95% of the time and I still took care of things that had to be done.
152852 tn?1205717026
I'm not clear on why your daughter and her son can't help out--put their dishes in the sink (even in the dishwasher), put their toys away, tidy up their rooms, etc.  Maybe if she took them out for the day that would help--have breakfast, clean up, get ready, go to the park, walk by the river, ride bicycles, etc.?

We both know it's possible for her to do more...if she's not simply lazy, she's either depressed or annoyed with you for some reason.

And if you were so much better at staying home, why don't you do that?  Would she prefer to go to work?
Avatar universal
Now comes a comment from the older generation. Your girl is 8 she is in school , she should be able to pick up after herseld give her own bath do for herself to some extent also she can help, out with brother, and baby 2  Now boy 6 is old enough to dress himself pick up after himself, and to have some chore also this leaves baby 2 which can be some problem, but i cant see where it would take allday cleaning up after it, yes i know the beds are to be made, but if the children are taught right the 6 and  and 8 are making their own beds i hope picking up after themselves i hope also have their own little chore before playing nowdays people have the luxury of a washer and dryer, also a dish washer unless you are form a class that cant afford one. I raised 3 and worked, and yes it was hard, i had a baby sitter, she took care of the children, but i had rules also naps certain time ect i did the cleaning when i came in also cooking washing diapers on a wringer type washer and hung them on the line, they did not have pampers that you threw away they had diapers that you washed, and washed i did, also when my children were very young they were taught to pick up after themselves they all had their chores to do I had a step mother that i met at 17 and she had 3 children, but you could not make it through her house,it was so piled and dishes for 2 days when i went to visit i helped her and cleaned  and cleaned she said she just could not seem to get around to it, well 18 years later it was the same, so who knows also now days they have the little playpens do they not why cant she put baby in it for awhile? I have been in many homes some moms stayed home some had to work and some were doirty some were clean, i think it depends on the women, is she ill in any way does she know how to clean, i have met many young ladys that said they lived with granma and could not even make a bed good and some never learned to cook  wow that is hard to beleive
my grandmother raised 12 children, and their ole house was just that old, but it was clean  I really do not have a good answer, but by all means if you have money you can hire it done, some people can not afford it maybe she has a problem why dont you sit down and ask her about it also if you have more children how will you manage please do not think i am running anyone down, i am not I am just pointing out people are different some can cope easy and for some it is harder  I do wish all of you good luck  try to make a schedule out like nanny on T.V. does otherwise i have no answers   I wish all of you good luck
484465 tn?1532217632
tell those kids to get busy helping mommy with clean up time!
528396 tn?1217529613
We have no idea what this lady might have going on in her life.  She could be depressed, have fatigue, stressed by the kids,  there are so many things in her life that could be going on.  It sounds like she is depressed.  Nobody likes a dirty house, right now I only have a 23 year old at home and my house is filthy.  So, maybe you need to suggest that she go to counseling, have her hormones tested, there are several things that can happen to you after having a baby.  Don't jump to conclusions.  Help her and try to understand.  By complaining about the house if she is depressed and stressed, you are only making it worse.  Have her go to the dr. and have full blood work done.  
Have an Answer?
Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327197724
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398568723
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Here’s how your baby’s growing in your body each week.
These common ADD/ADHD myths could already be hurting your child
This article will tell you more about strength training at home, giving you some options that require little to no equipment.