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Girlfriend Won't Have Sex a Second Time/

My girlfriend and I have only been together for a few months, but she moved very fast.  Actually, faster than I was expecting.  She started out using her hands, and mouth almost every single time we were together (even in the back seat on the ride back from a show when my father was driving!).  One night, we spent the night in the back of my car, and we ended up losing our virginity together.  I was amazed by it, and she said she felt the same way.  Two nights ago, I went to her house after I got off work because she was home alone, and she denied me of having sex.  Then, yesterday we were home alone at my house and we were getting into it.  She took a condom out of my wallet, opened it, and we put it on.  Then, she denied me again?  I went for her belt (like the first time we did it) and she put her hands over it.  I am very confused as to why she says she wants to. hints to, leads me on, then flat out denies me!  It would make complete sense if she denied me when we trying to for the first time, but not now.  Especially since she pretty much initialized everything when we did have it for the first time.  She's really starting to confuse me!
7 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
She sounds like she has some serious sexual hangups to me,  and it sounds like she's either been extremely promiscuous or has been the victim of ongoing sexual abuse,  maybe both.

Avatar universal
Maybe the issue here is that she wants to initiate the sex, be in control.
If you have lost your virginity together it may be that she's confused and has feelings that she doesn't know how to handle. I think its a woman's right to say no if she doesn't want sex but its not ok to mess you around either.
Us ladies are awkward and we have hormones to deal with so you might find that sometimes she is really up for it and other times its the last thing on her mind! maybe she was on her period when she put the condom on you, she might have wanted to pleasure you but not tell you that she was on her period incase it grossed you out.
The best thing you can do is talk..communication is key to any relationship..you need to understand that she won't want sex all the time and she needs to understand that you can't tease and then back out..
Talk talk talk!
134578 tn?1614729226
It would be a mistake to think "She said yes once, this means I get to have sex whenever I show up."  She might have serious sexual issues or be the victim of abuse, or on the other hand she might not know her own mind because this is all new.  But just because someone has had sex with you once (or ten times, or 100 times) does not mean she will want to have it every time you are together.  

I don't know why she gave you such mixed messages the second time you tried, but my advice is to talk to her about what happened, and ask if this means she never wants to have sex again or just what.  She might be able to tell you, if she knows.  Even learning she is just confused would probably help you.  I don't think she's playing a taunting game (as you say "leading you on"), I get the feeling she's more confused than that.  But, she knows, not me.  ASK HER.  You genuinely want to know, after all.
Avatar universal
Before I read all these, we were together at my grandparents' house for dinner.  On the way to take her home, she told me to stop by a park that we frequently go to, to mess around and to just simply be alone to talk and everything.  I ended up asking her if I did something wrong yesterday, that offended her or anything.  She kind of jumped back a little and said, "What?  No, what do you mean?".  I explained how I felt, and she kind of laughed.  She responded with the fact that we didn't have much time left (I had to go to work) and she didn't want to have to rush anything, she wanted it to be special again.  That warmed my heart.  For one, I know that I wasn't being the "pushy guy" that I truely do try to avoid.  And secondly, I agree with her, and it's comforting to know she feels that way.  I know that I have a problem of over-thinking things, and I think that's why I was having such a battle within my head.  Also, after talking, she started to initiate us having sex, by multiple means, but....I had to be home for my curfew...*sighs* Haha, there's always next time.
Avatar universal
Don't worry, I don't think that way at all!  The reason it bothered/confused me was because she started to initiate it, then abruptly stopped.  And with what looloo said, she told me a few days ago that she's off her period.  She actually "warned" (if you will, haha) me about it when she got it.  So like I stated previously, it apparently was just a matter of time, and the lack there of.
134578 tn?1614729226
Well, given what you've said, here's my advice.  Be playful and affectionate.  Don't take everything that is sexually exciting that happens between you as "starting to initiate having sex."  Sometimes kissing is just kissing, fondling is just fondling, petting is just petting ... in other words, it's affection.  Not necessarily initiating the Big Event.  Enjoy it all, it's ALL fun.  And use protection!!!!!  ;)  Annie
13167 tn?1327194124
Mapex,  I hope for the best for you,  but I don't believe it.  When you got all the way to having the condom on and she decided not to do it,  that's power.  She's totally in power.

The fact that she will perform sex acts on you with your own father in the same car, this isn't a girl who wants it "special".  

Again,  I hope I'm wrong.  I just think you need to prepare for what might be a very very difficult and frustrating relationship.

Best wishes.
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