Relationships Community
6.34k Members
Avatar universal

Girlfriend never wants to have sex

OK heres the problem,
Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 15 months now.
When we first started dating the sex was good, not great but good.
Now she never EVER wants to have sex, we do about once a week but she just has sex to keep me happy and she doesnt get into, like enjoy it, she just like lays there till I am done.
Now she also complains it hurts, but i dont know if I believe her because it use to not hurt for her, and she refuses to go see a doctor about, which is why I think she uses it as an excuse not to have sex.
Actually, the only time she does get into is when she is drunk, which is rarely cause shes not much of a drinker.
Now heres the real problem,
3 years ago my girlfriend had a miscarriage with her previous boyfriend.
I ask her all the time why she never wants to have sex anymore,
and she says she doesnt like sex mainly because of her miscarriage she had in the past.

Now, i love this girl with all my heart, and I know she loves me to.
But this whole issue of her never wanting to have sex with me is driving me crazy.
Sex isnt the only reason im in this relationship, but i feel that sex is a main part of a relationship and when she doesnt want to ever have it with, I begin to question everything.
I dont want to break up with her, I love her. But this issue bothers me so much.
Everything else in our relationship is perfect, except for the sex.
What should i do?

3 Responses
1374347 tn?1279166992
My husband and I have gone through the same things. When we first started dating the sex was AMAZING!!  We did it everywhere, anyhow, and at anytime. It was normal for us to have sex 3-5 times a day!! Then I got pregnant with our first child. After he was born I didn't even want to be touched. I hated the thought of sex, I hated the feeling, it was just a horrible experience, and to top it off. It hurt!! Now three years later I've gone to my gyno and found out it's more than likely a mixture of post-partum depression, and then feeling that I'm afraid that i'm not as "tight" as I was, and that it was embarassing. The painful part was half way through my cycle the veins in my uterus would grow for the upcoming monthly cycle and it was painful. If he even remotely "poked" anywhere near I would want to cry. It's more common in woman who have had pregnancies, miscarraiges, and and D&Cs.

Also, sex isn't the main part of a relationship. Your trust, love, and devotion are. You should try getting more intuned to her "sensual side." Females are more into the touchy feely,  fore-play action than we are romping in the sheets.

Avatar universal
Yes - it could be something medical or psychological from the m/c - the only way to ascertain this and resolve it is with proffessional help.


I think it is also very likely that it's just that you both have very different libidos. The reason  I think this - she is saying 'it hurts' to avoid sex, HOWEVER if she used to enjoy sex and then suddenly dosen't because it hurts she would be straight onto getting it checked out because - lets face it - she'd be missing good sex and would want it back. (Unless she's embarrased to go to the doctor about this? You could ask her)

At the beginning of the relationship she perhaps wanted to please you so she had sex with you more frequently - now she feels more comfortable in the relationship she dosn't feel the need to do something she dosen't particualy want to.

If this is the case - then you need to descide if you  can be happy in the relationship having sex less often than you'd like. You seem to really love/care about her so perhaps you can - it really comes down to you.

Good luck.
Avatar universal
you should perhaps see a councilor together, i think it is important to mantain a good sex life, she should be over the miscarriage now, i know its hard but it was 3 years ago, and she may want help getting over it, you sound like you really care, i also agree you may have more sex drive than your girlfriend, periods can be a problem too they can cause loss of interest for a bit.
maybe shes scared of getting pregnant again and suffering another miscarriage, it really needs sorting or you could be heading for a split
Have an Answer?
Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327197724
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398568723
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Here’s how your baby’s growing in your body each week.
These common ADD/ADHD myths could already be hurting your child
This article will tell you more about strength training at home, giving you some options that require little to no equipment.