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HPV and Problem with Forgiveness

Hi Everyone:

I discovered a few months ago that I have genital warts.  I am still being treated for them.  It seems that when one bunch goes away, a number of others show up immediately afterwards.  It's very frustrating and I'm feeling very unattractive and unfeminine.  My boyfriend of 2 years feels very guilty about the whole thing but I told him it's not his fault.  He has been to the doctor as well.  There are no signs of visible warts on him, but that doesn't mean that he isn't still carrying the virus.  Anyways, because these warts have been so stubborn, I'm getting to be a little more frustrated with the whole situation.  I'm not mad at him but we haven't had intercourse since I found out about the HPV (I want to get rid of the warts first).  Although I told him that it's not his fault, I think deep down I'm angry with him that he might have passed this on to me.  If it were easy to deal with then I wouldn't mind, but my self-esteem has taken quite a hit.  Deep down, I feel like he was reckless, but I know he isn't.  My question is how can I get myself to forgive him and trust him with sex again? I love him very much and I want to forgive him but I'm afraid that after the warts go away, I won't want to have sex with him again out of fear of getting something else.  Please help me with any words of encouragement or advise you may have.  Thank you in advance.
6 Responses
Avatar universal
Something similar happened to me w/ herpes. I was soooo hurt and angry that I very likely caught it from my then boyfriend of 2yr. He didn't seem to feel that bad. I think too I was disappointed in myself for not insisting he get tested for things in the beginning. I trusted him, but looking back I should've asked for testing to assure me and my health. Your feelings are valid and justified. If he truly is sorry and compassionate towards you during this treatment, I'd believe in my heart he just didn't know he had it. Let him know how you feel- hurt, mad
Avatar universal
First of all without active lesions, there is no hpv test for men.  Second of all, if you or your boyfriend has had 3 or more partners in a lifetime, then it's most likely either or both of you have contracted hpv at some point. Almost everyone does.  You could have gotten it from someone else and the virus layed dormant until now.  Or he could have passed it to you without knowing he was carrying it.  Don't worry, the virus will eventually shed itself.  The warts can be a ***** to get rid of and it's understandable you feel unattractive.  But it doesn't mean he cheated on you and he really shouldn't feel bad if he didn't cheat.  It can happen to anyone.
Avatar universal
Thanks for your speedy responses.  I appreciate your support and advice.  I know he didn't cheat on me.  He's not that kind of guy and I trust him completely.  And he was very apologetic and felt very guilty about the whole thing because he assumes that it was him that gave it to me...but I suppose that it could have been me that brought it in.  Its just that i'm frustrated with the whole situation, not with him specifically.  Im just mad that I have this and its so hard to get rid of.  I'm thankful that it isn't posing any health risks to me though and my boyfriend has been very supportive.  I just feel resentful...period...even though I know I can't really blame anyone.  I just want to get rid of them...and have sex again!  It's been so long andhe's been so patient but it's getting to be very hard.  Thank you for your input once again.

Avatar universal
Wow reading your first story sounds exactly like the way I felt. All these feelings frustrate you, and it made me feel like crying everytime I saw them at first. I broke up with my boyfriend and got them 2 months later. In a way I guess I was glad I wasnt with anybody because I didnt have the worries of how the other person was feeling, and I could let it heal without the worry of my boyfriends sex drive. But having him be there for you is a good sign your relationship will be able to get through worse than this - and there will be worser times no doubt. I must say mine came back about 8 times, but a nurse told me because I was so stressed about it, it makes it harder for the immune system to kick in. After using Aldara now, they have stopped coming back. But if they do - I'll be ready for them. It will be ok, so many people have this, some just choose to ignore it - and really - who wants to talk about it over the dinner table? Stay positive. It will get better. There are much worser things we could have :)
Avatar universal
You're so right.  Thank you so much for sharing your experience.  I was prescribed with Aldara and I'm going to start using it.  I love my boyfriend but I almost wish that I was alone right now so that I could just let this do its thing and heal and then I could get back to being with my boyfriend.  Anyways, I'm not happy that you have (had) it but I'm grateful that you could share your thoughts with me.  It reassures me that my relationship is strong and that things will get better.  And you're very right that there are so many worse things I could have instead of HPV, which poses no health risks.  Thanks once again and Happy Holidays!

Avatar universal
No worries, sometimes I think the hardest part with all this is its not easy to talk about because its not something you want people to know, so I completely understand with you wanting to hear other experiences. I read your other post, and I just thought I'd let you know that patience and persistance is really what you need with this, dont let it get you down, because it will get better. I had mine taken/froz off at first and they returned in the first few months alot, but then when I used Aldara it slowed them returning, and then gradually they didnt anymore. With my situations It probably took over 6-7 months. Dont forget everybody is different so you may not take this long at all. Aldara Cream draws your immune system to it which is how it works on clearing it up faster. Makesure you stick with the instructions, and ease off on using it when it starts to get too sore. Then start up again when that has healed. It has worked on me, but please be patient, the more you get yourself frustrated and stressed, the weaker you make your immune system. Stay positive and really look after yourself and keep healthy so your immune system is working well to help clear it up.The nurses at sexual Health clinics are really helpful as they deal with the brunt of it everyday, so calling them for a talk is better than asking your GP/Gyno in my opinion. Happy Holidays to you aswell. Takecare.
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