I think if You simply asked Him He would say "no".
Hacking His phone is doing Your own private detective work and I see nothing wrong with that - but, if You are going to do that, You should know what You plan to do or say if You do find He is cheating.
You call YourSelf "Amazing Mom" so I assume You are married and You have Children, so think about what this will do to the relationship, to the family - because this will affect/disrupt everyone involved. This I know is true.
People who write in with your problem on this site largely seem to fall into two groups: those with darn good reason to feel their partner is cheating (he or she has cheated before and now is acting the same way, or he or she is being pretty obvious that something is going on, like, taking the phone into the bathroom with them so you can't look at it, etc.); and those with unfounded suspicions who would be suspicious if they were married to someone God himself had certified as not cheating. It's hard to tell from a short post of "I think I'm going to hack my partner's phone" whether you are in the first category or the second. That's why I asked what would happen if you simply asked him, I was hoping your answer would possibly clarify the question of whether your fears are unfounded or well founded.
If you pretty much know he is probably cheating, then you have to decide what you will do if you get it confirmed. Leave with the kids? Go for counseling? If you suspect without any reason, then there is possibly another path for you, towards learning to trust.
If I were thinking of hacking my husband's phone, that would be a pretty big signal that the relationship was in huge trouble. So maybe your plans should be to work on that (the issue that the relationship is in trouble in terms of trust) and make your decisions for action based on that.
I totally agree that 'something' is amiss if You think He is cheating -
on the other hand 'snooping' and 'privacy' isn't even an issue in a transparent relationship. ie, no need for 'snoop', no need for 'privacy'
In my opinion 'invading my privacy' is - I like to be alone when I'm tending to my toiletries, including brushing my teeth - I perform these things behind my closed bathroom door, otherwise, I feel no need for 'privacy' - my computer, telephone, whatever is an 'open book'
I would verbalize to Him what is bothering You and I would ask Him.
Personally, I do not think it is wise to hack into someone's phone.
I wouldn't even know how to hack into someone's phone, unless you mean check his messages when the phone is lying about when the coast is clear for you check it.
A good relationship is based on trust. Put yourself in his shoes about how you would feel if your partner hacked into your phone.
If you feel something is not right, you need to have a good long chat with your partner. Do you shout and argue with him that may be driving him away? If there is a problem with the relationship, you both need to work it out to how to improve it.
What do you mean by "hacking"? Are you just talking about figuring out the password? Good luck with that. I don't think it's worth going to such lengths personally, but that's just me. I agree with the others that the answer of whether you should even try is dependent on which of the two categories mentioned above you are in. Perhaps if you provided more details it would help frame answers better.
I want to hack his phone because over the last few months he has his phone and computer locked and when I ask to use his phone to make a call I see him go to his chats n messages to delete them, when he comes home from work he spends time in the garage in his car making a call after which he comes into the house. I would have asked him or had a chat with him but I know he'll lie to me so no need to ask.
I guess if my husband were making surreptitious calls, I would go to the doctor and get tested for all the sexually transmitted diseases right now, not wait or try to hack his phone.
Re: hacking the phone, if the trust is gone but you are genuinely unsure about what the conversations might be, I guess you would get better information by setting up a voice-activated tape recorder under the car seat. But as the others say, doing this changes everything between you. (Unless you are sure it is already changed.) I would go to that extent only if I was absolutely certain he would lie if asked if he is having an affair and if I was also darn certain it is an affair. If you are merely wondering, I would try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Could it possibly be something else, such as him having business conversations? (My husband is on the phone to clients quite often when he drives in at night.)
I guess I would also suggest that sometimes guys don't lie -- they are as ready to clarify things as you are to hear it, if you approach the issue calmly. Just saying "Are we over?" could open up the conversation. Depending on the guy.
Regarding getting proof, unless you seriously can't tell what is going on and can't trust your instincts so you genuinely need to know the content of the conversations, you don't need to be your own investigator. In a divorce, your lawyer can subpoena his cellphone and email records. I believe they do itemize the numbers called in the cell system, and it's hard to really delete all email records. It all depends on where you want to take this.
In all honesty, this is not something I'd think is conducive to trust. My husband can look at my phone, sure. But it is a breech of my trust in him that he has faith in ME if he asks to do that to 'check up on me'.
Once a relationship gets to that point, it's problematic. My husband has never looked at my phone or computer to my knowledge. And he would never try to look in my purse or wallet (for fear, I'm sure in part, of something flinging out of it and hitting him in the eye . . . my purse is a great mystery to him!).
That is about respect to me. I respect my husband so don't go through his things hunting. I had a boyfriend I did that once with and it felt really stinky to me.
When you trust, this isn't necessary. When you don't trust, your relationship is already in trouble.
So, hack if you must. Trade phones if you must. But I'd deal with the issues at hand. Sit down and ask him what is up. Watch for signs of lying and tell him that you want the truth. Who does he talk to before he comes into the house?
PS, I do GET snooping. I understand why people do it. But to me the fact that someone feels they have to means that things are already in bad shape between the two people.
Thanks so much for clarifying why you are so concerned about your husband's actions.
To me, this would be proof positive , that something is likely going on. (be it drugs, cheating, or playing the fool with sexting etc.)
My husband i both have our own cell phones in our own names, they are both used by each of us, however. We leave them on the table and check each others messages regularly just to find out whose calling and why. Our friends are both our friends, and our credit is in both our names, so we get texts for our cell phones bills becoming due etc. If my husband was acting like yours is, i would have to assume something untoward was happening, and i would take the advice of AnnieBrooke (Imo a great suggestion) and rig up voice activated recorder in the car. and in the garage. I'd leave no stone unturned, as i feel that trust is EVERYTHING in a marriage. Without it, i couldn't stick around. So , one might ask, what about your husband having your trust. Well, that would have been broken by his actions (deleting calls, hiding conversations). At that point, my mislaid trust would be all that mattered to me.
I don't know i'f i'd put the recorder under the front seat though, it might be where he keeps his stuff. I'd probably put it beside the seat, that space in between the seat and the console, (if you've got single seats, and not a bench). If he has a truck, i'd think long and hard about the best place to place the recorder inside the cab. maybe behind the front seat.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I'd be distraught myself.
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