He did it again

[helpme766]

I have a previous post Is my husband secretly bisexual. He is still out of town and is still responding to gay sex ads-this time in a response he said to text him and left his cell number-funny- he tells me he doesn't text because he can't do it. My whole body started shaking so bad I couldn't control it,but i calmed down somewhat. He said he is coming home soon- I don't know if i even wantto see him at this point. Wonder what hhis reaction will be when I confront him. I am so hurt and angry and disgusted- how could i even have sex with him???? ew

[mami1323]

That shows lack of remorse.  If he had at least told the truth from this point on then maybe it would show that he was sorry and then could continue to decide what you both wanted going forward.  I think though he was probably embarrassed also.  I'm sure coming out after living a lie for so many years is really hard and he may be in denial.  Give him space and I bet you he will come to terms with the fact that you found these things and be willing to talk it through.  He can't forget, you were the one betrayed so don't let him play victim.

[helpme766]

wow- i was just talking with my husband on the phone (he is still out of town) and he stirred me up saying I wasn't speaking nice to him and asking me if I loved him so I blew up about this- he denies it saying someone must have gotten into his computer or email (no way- he lets no one on his computer) he was very angry and kept saying whatever to me and that he had to go back to work- first he said he would go to the gas station and call me back off the job site but he had an employee/friend call me and say it is ludicrous and sticking up for him. he went back to work-not somewhere to call me-i told him unless he is going to be honest then don't call me back. i can't believe he is actually trying to get me to believe he never did any of this and someone hacked into his computer

[mami1323]

I think his calling you after responding to the hook up is his guilt.  Even though it doesn't seem to stop him, he seems to do it and contact you because perhaps he feels guilty.  I'm so sorry, I really hope you can get some peace of mind once you let the cat out of the bag.  I can already see his reaction, eyes wide, mouth open, then the tears.  The begging and pleading, saying he never really hooked up, it was a game to him, he can't lose you, he loves you, he will never do it again, it's not what it seems.  Please let me know if I'm right.  Good luck.

[heatherlynn22]

i'm sorry he ended up giving you an hpv. that really *****. and i hope you don't have anything worse then that!!! he's not only cheating on you but playing russian rulette with your life now. stay strong and stand your ground when he comes home. don't listen to any of his b ull s hit. you have you're proof that he's being a lying and cheating dog. what's worse is him calling you RIGHT BEFORE his hook up to talk to you and play the loving husband.

[helpme766]

No we don't useanything- we've been married for 9 years- together for 12. I guarantee he doesn't use anything and I was awake all night last night worrying about that. Over a year ago I ended up with hpv and of course automatically assumed it came from him even though my doctor said it is too hard to tell. When i asked him about being unfaithful he immediately denied it and asked if I WAS UNFAITHFUL- I am scheduling some testing regardless- I just want to puke- oh- and he did it again last night- the guy was in the same hotel as him according to the email. I noticed he called me within about 1/2 hr of responding to hook up with this guy-but acted like absolutely nothing-no guilt-nothing
grrrrrrr............

[heatherlynn22]

he sounds like a complete scumbag. telling girls that you have an "open marriage". that's beyond low! not to get to personal but do you guys still use condoms when you have relations? if not....you may want to consider getting std testing done. if he's been at this for a while and has been cheating....who knows if he uses protection. if he doesn't he could be bringing home some not so pleasant things.

[helpme766]

I wonder the same thing- and I did print out the emails and save them. I keep playing out in my head how I will approach this- Everytime he calls me I just want to scream-especially when he tells me how much he loves and misses me- I want to puke-but I just play along for now and have really kept my cool about this so I can see his face when I show him these emails. I think it is time he comes clean about the women too- he had told an old booty call of his in another state that we had an "open marriage"-  hmmmm- wonder who else he is married to b/c we don't!

Thanks- sometimes it helps hearing those hard truths- I will let you know the outcome-should be soon he plans on coming homesoon hesaid today- but seeing the ads I amsure it will be after thursday

[mami1323]

I'm sorry hon.  I think now you really need to figure out what you are going to do.  Both the posters above are correct.  Regardless of man or woman, he's lying and being unfaithful or looking to be unfaithful.  The trust is not there.  Vance is right, perhaps he is gay.  You don't want to waste any more of your life with someone who is living a lie.  Imagine staying and years from now he says he isn't bi but gay and wants to be with a man.  You will be crushed.  Good luck and stay strong.

[heatherlynn22]

vance is right...print out the emails and adds and all the proof you have and have it ready for when he gets home. and if you are strong enough and have had enough have your bags packed (or his) and either leave or make him leave. let him see how life is without you....let him stew in his mistake. if he continues......get a divorce lawyer and hand him those papers. you don't deserve to have a husband who is cheating on you. with anyone. man or woman.

[Vance2335]

Maybe he is not bi but just gay.
At this point I would have all of his e-mails that he responded to printed out and layed out for him when he comes home.