one track mind

[tfrost1988]

So I don't consider myself a ladies man or a player or even much of a flirt but I find that once the pursuit aspect of my relationship was over, I greatly lose interest.  I have a feeling for my girlfriend which I could call love and aside from the normal annoyances that any other couple would encounter, I really can't complain. My problem is that I feel like there is no dynamic, no x-factor anymore.  Things seem far too predictable and I've started to resent the entire relationship.  Without a large cataclysm like a fight or someone cheating, I feel that ending the relationship right now would crush this poor girl who has done nothing but shower me with love.  At the same rate, I feel obligated to be upfront about my feelings with her.  Should I just come out and tell her and make it seem like I've been full of **** this whole time or maybe try to set the tone and transition into it? Do I stay with her only because her amount of effort in the situation outweighs mine?

[TTinKKerBBell]

As usual, AnnieBrooke has made a good point.

As usual, She impresses me with Her insight and She may have "hit the nail on the head" here.  SpecialMom and She both recommend therapy.  I hope You'll take Their suggestion.  Therapy gives us the abilitiy to understand, to work our issues and with that comes much peace.
Good Luck

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm thinking that if your dad and mom modeled loudness and fighting and stress and breakups as part of relationships all your life, it's understandable that you wound up not knowing how to partake in a calm and loving way in a long-term relationship.  Who was there to show you?  Not them.

(In fact, when I was reading your description of your dad, my thought was that he probably knows no better and in some way likes the fighting because it makes him feel in contact and lets him get out his aggression or his fears, by finding someone to fight with.)

You said in your other post that you don't want to be like that, good for you.  On the other hand, it doesn't sound like you have much to replace it with, so what happens is that when the excitement of the newness dies down, you've got nothing left.

Please do as specialmom suggests, see a counselor.  Tell your girlfriend that you are trying to work out how to be in a relationship differently than your crummy role models and still find it dynamic.  Then she knows what you are going through without having hurt feelings.

Good luck!

[TTinKKerBBell]

I agree with the previous 2 poster SpecialMom and SincerelyYoursT.

My own spin:

Yeah, as You suggested:  "just come out and tell Her and make it seem like You've been full of **** this whole time" - cuz maybe, You have!!
AND
"if You "crush" this "poor Girl" who has done nothing but shower You with love"

Well, sure, it will hurt Her, but all of us survive the pain of HeartBreak (some sooner than others) BUT - it will give Her the opportunity to be with SomeOne deserving of what She has to offer/give!!  She REALLY does deserve that.

[SincerelyYoursT]

Nearly all relationship problems stem from when 1 or both people neglect their (instinctual) role. Men treat women in a way that makes them feel desired, & sexy. Women treat men in a way that always protects and builds their confidence…
I doubt you are able to full-fill this need for her...
it is not uncommon that people lose touch and grow apart. When the attraction is gone, it is hard to get it back…

It sounds like you are attracted to the 'newness' of a relationship… the excitement from being a little nervous with someone new…
With the right person, you can find these thrills with trying new things that make you sexually vernerable…

If i were her, I would want you to break it off before it dies out,,, it would really hurt, but this isnt working…
you dont have to tell her that you have been faking it all along… just tell her that you didnt want to hurt her and care about her a lot, but the chemistry is lost, and caring isnt enough..
That is the respectable thing to do..,
good luck

[specialmom]

Hi there.  well, you've mentioned in another post that you've not had the greatest of role models in terms of dating and love relationships.  I would set up an appointment with a therapist first thing.  Hold tight with the girlfriend for a bit and begin counseling.  I also think your recent visit to your dad's could really play a subconscious role in your thinking here.

This girl may not be the right one and that may have started when you picked her due to patterns.  And you very well may need to end things for her sake as well as  yours.  Every day that you are with her and it is wrong is a day keeping her away from finding someone that can love her properly.  

But I would hate for you to make a rash decision if you are just in emotional turmoil over your dad and what is going on at his house.  A couple that is falling apart is enough to make anyone scared of really being with someone.  

See a therapist.  Be prepared to act if you find you really do not have enough feelings to sustain a long term relationship with your girlfriend.  And if you do break up, do not date for a good period of time to work on these issues.  good luck