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Avatar universal

He wants anal sex but I do not. I don't want to loose him...

My boyfriend has expressed how much he likes anal sex and how it has been an impotant part of his sex life.  The problem is, I have never liked it.  It is uncomfortable for me and I don't feel it is necessary.  When I tell him that I dont want to do it, he tells me that he would be gentle and do it properly where it wont be painful.  He thinks that if I just gave it a try that I would really like it.  He's getting this idea because other women he has dated would do anal intercourse with him and liked it.  Also, he has a very large penis.  It was difficult enough to take it in my vagina much less the thought of it in my a$$.  He says he just cant understand why I would deny myself such pleasure.  The subject has stressed me out so much that I cant enjoy our relationship.  He is a very loving, affectionate and supportive man so everything except the anal subject has been wonderful.  The affection he gives is not something I've gotten from most men I've dated in the past and it's hard to give that up but at the same time, I dont think anal intercourse is something he is willing to give up either.  I don't know what to do.  Any advise?
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3147776 tn?1549545810

***** THREAD CLOSED *****
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My boyfriend keeps hounding me for anal at least once a week. I hate it. Ive tried it more than ten times and each time is a disaster and I begin to hate it even more. He will not stop pestering me for it. I have been clear I dont like it I dont like how I feel about myself after but he just says if you love me you should just do it, Id do anything you asked. We have gotten into huge arguments over this, why dont I want to make him happy and do something that he loves but I dont see why he doesnt get why I dont want to do something I dont like and, to just be too the point, has made me cry every time. Why does his enjoyment come before what I consider painful and to be honest damaging to my esteem. I dont judge those who do it and enjoy it but why isnt it okay that I dont like it?
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  To be honest, you don't 'have to give him anal' to keep a 'really great guy'.  What man wants to have sex with a woman in a way that she is telling him she is not interested in, it hurts her and she doesn't want to do it?  Not every woman is into anal and it is OK to say not.  A 'really great' guy says, no problem and moves on.  

Don't sell yourself short.  Good men are not hard to find.  If you say you don't like something, that should be respected.  

good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If you really want to keep this guy, then you have to give him anal. Anal sex has become more and more socialised since the late 90's and more and more women are prepared to do it. If he can't get what he wants at home, then he WILL find it elsewhere.

In this day and age, it's a case of 'If you like it then you have to put a ring on it'!
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
When a  guy  really really wants anal sex,  and will break up with a girlfriend who won't give him that,  it's a learning thing.  It's just reality.  

If she doesn't want anal sex and he can't live without it,  you aren't a viable couple.  
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Or,  he needs to learn to live without it and find pleasure with his partner in ways that give HER pleasure too.  That is maturity in a relationship.  Yes, this is a very old post.  
Helpful - 0
6897718 tn?1386145496
This is an old post, but I will put this out there for others. The reality is it will break you up eventually. No matter what anyone else says he has been honest with you. This may sound harsh but it is reality, you either need to learn to enjoy it of leave. This will eat away at your relationship. Childish things like trying to gross him out is ridiculous. He has his right to enjoy what ever it is he likes, and you have the right to not. What you are left with is future conflict. I can tell you even if you speak to him and he says he is fine with it, he will not be, It will come up over and over. You will fight over it, and both of you will be miserable, He is not pressuring you, he is being honest with you. Move on or begin to read and see if it is something you would or could ever enjoy
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
This is a really old post---  back from 2010.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Not to go on and on, but the best thing about tricking him like this is he won't think he's missing out on anything and still think he's got the best sex life ever. Also, if you act like his penis is just "slaying" you in the vagina, he will be happy. I mean, make lots of choking, gasping noises, moans, screams, wriggle away like youre in pain but then come back and thrust him hard like you can't get enough of the pain/pleasure he's causing. Be dramatic and mimic some of the porns he watches. He will think he's quite the stud and you're a sex Goddess and wont be able to get enough of you. Hey, everyone likes their ego stroked, but men cant seem to live without it or they feel like "less of a man." It's stupid, I know, but it works. Btw, I'm 39 and have had sex with almost 100 men plus 8 live-in boyfriends. I love sex and I have definitely learned what keeps 'em coming back for more!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Btw- I've had anal sex one time with several different boyfriends. Allowing, not making it a big deal, loosening it up so it's gaping wide, and discreetly grossing him out works great.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sexual stimulation is all mental: If he says he wants to try anal and you deny him, he will want what he can't have even more. If you act nonchalant about it and let him stick it in and pull it out with poop all over it, stretching your anus to allow a very loose fit (looser than a in shape vagina that's been actively doing kegals), he will get over it pretty quick, as it will stink and be a loose fit. It works for me anyway. No one likes poop smell or a loose fit. He will get over his little fetish, and won't ask for it again unless he's closeted gay.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi.  This post is TWO years old.  If you'd like to start your own thread, you can go to the top of this community and hit "post question" to do so.  Thanks!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm a woman,28 and have to say that I have always let the guy I was with put it in there. And it's not as bad as these ladies say,as long as the lady taking it relaxes and pushes out. And as far as the but "not being designed" for anal sex why do guys always check out my pert sexy butt as I walk by. They obviously want to put it in there that's part of being a guy!!! If he doesn't ask maybe the girl is overweight and the guy has no desire to put it in there. And hence why the women that don't do it all have boyfriend not husband's
I'm married 4 yrs so far and my husband loves having anal with me and I give him bjs whenever he is horny to mix it up and we never have fights about anything and keep him very happy!!! That lead's me to think he would never cheat! Why should he??? He gets everything he wants at home!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I definitely agree with your comment. Sometimes, I do not even understand how people measure and figure out  a person's goodness.
1. The anus is not originally designed for  sexual intercourse.
2. If you are not satisfied with natural and original things, you will never be satisfied with unnatural and fake things. Anal sex is no less than Sodomy and you are absolutely right to deny it. Do not compromise with the idea. From your explanation, for your friend, your anus is much more important than your mind and feeling. If he insists on telling you the same, it is a good opportunity for you to decide.

Good luck!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
EXCELLENT idea, SpecialMom!!   Personally, I'm BIG on not asking something of ANYONE that You would not do YourSelf.  Course, He says He WOULD if His Wife had a penis but since She doesn't have one, we don't REALLY REALLY know, if He REALLY  REALLY would.

Fragutz,
Many of us have expressed an opinion on Your Wife's behalf whether or not they partipate.  Your Wife doesn't have to DO this before She can decide if She WANTS it.  It truely is mentally a turn off for many with good reason and with reasonable thought.  The biggest sex organ is the brain.  Erections AND desire originate in the brain.   This appeals to You on a MENTAL level - it's UNappealing to Her on a MENTAL level.  
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ya know, I posted other things and you didn't even respond to that so one must wonder what you came here for.  You wanted to argue?  anyway, good luck--------  I suspect that this issue is just the tip of your intimacy ice burg.  
Helpful - 0
2050389 tn?1377467850
As i was so very sure u ladies would say that, i clearly stated that if it woudl bring her pleasure i would accept. As far as i know tehre is no link between a dildo and my wife's body so there would definitely be no pleasure for her.
Hmm but maybe some for me .. who knows ...
I never forced my wife in to doing it so i see no relevance in your post.
Seeing how chattypatti is no longer reading this, and that most women here, as usual, see only what they want and not the whole context, also that i don't want to convince anybody of anything, i don't see any reason for me keep posting.
I will keep reading in case someone else writes something useful.
Have a great life.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ha, well I have an idea.  Your wife can buy an 'instrument' that she straps on and use it on you so that you can go first and tell her it is not so bad.  Just an idea.
Helpful - 0
2050389 tn?1377467850
"People have engaged in every sex act that exists since before You were born". - i already said that in a previous post,. and i know WE didn't invent the sex. I have no problem with women who don't want anal sex for themselves, and as i aslo sayd higher in this thread, i don't find the refusal a reason for him to leave her.

To say that YOU find it unappealing and that YOU wouldn't want to do it is one thing, but to give advise about it, and to say DON"T DO IT, that's another and just isn't right.
I have a friend who's wife is a doctor. His teeth are caved and he's in pain alot because his own wife ... a doctor ... told him not to go to the dentist because he could get hepatitis. That scared him and to this day he wouldn't go see the dentist. Stupid advises lead to stupid decisions. Let's suppose for a sec that everyone here would tell chattypatti "go for it, it's wonderfull", and she would do it and get hurt? Wouldn't that be wrong?
That's what i was trying to say in my other post. Write your pros and cons, but let her make the decision.

You asked if i woud agree to have a penis in my anus. If i would know that this would make my wife feel any kind of pleasure during sex, i'd probably say yes. But last time i checked my wife didn't have a penis.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
  How about those who like it do it and those who don't, don't.  Who cares what other people do?  Why would this upset anyone if someone says they wish their partner would try it?  I'm not the bedroom police. I don't like the idea of someone threatening to cheat if they do not get to do this with their partner but then would say that this is just the tip of the ice burg as to the problems that couple has.  
This is a place to give helpful advice without massive judgement.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
simply curious question - have You ever had a penis in Your anus?  If You have not, would You? (with plenty of lube and a finger first?)

For Some I'm sure there is fear, for Many it's simply repulsive.  One doesn't have to try something to know it's unappealing.  I don't have to try a cigarette to know I don't want to smoke and that it's not good for me.

You suggest some Men might cheat if They don't get this at home.  You are probably right - some Men would.  Many of us wouldn't want the kind of Husband (man?) who's mind set is to cheat if He doesn't get anal sex at home.  It's not nice for You to say She should try it before She decides if She likes it or not - there's nothing to decide - She ALREADY knows It's unappealing to Her (remember the cigarettes? - one doesn't have to "try" something to be repulsed)  
PS
Age has nothing to do with this.  Young People didn't invent sex.  People have engaged in every sex act that exists since before You were born.  
Helpful - 0
2050389 tn?1377467850
So this is the point in our discution where, if we would've been face to face u'd start yelling at me, only because u need to be right all the time, that's how old people behave when they're faced with a new situation. In this post some sayd if u want to, then try it, if not just tell him no. They gave options but kept an open mind to both posibilities. But u come and say DON"T DO IT HE'S A **** HEAD TELL HIM TO GO F HIMSELF.
You sayd you never tried it so how can you be so sure it will feal like you say it will.
For example how many of you drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes?
Did you ever listen to the ones saying "that's bad for you", "you can die from those" ?
What about drugs, those who are in their 60's must've tried it at one point. It was "the thing" of that moment.
So tell me how this is different. How does one way of posible pleasure but with risks, differ from the ones i just mentioned, who also come with risks?
I don't smoke and i don't drink alcohol, but i don't go arround telling people "stop drinking and smoking u **** head it tastes horrible and it can kill you".

The anus is not a sex organ. Very well,  then stop kissing during sex, stop using your hands, close your eyes and use the ear plugs cuz all we need is a penis and a vagina. Hmm you don't even need to be awake.

Helpful - 0
1962649 tn?1332444851
maybe your friends who are doing a$$ [email protected]#*&^ aren't old -yet. but
if they are doing regular anal sex in their 30's & 40's problems may not show up until age 55 or 65. but they will! so i think it's important to know what damage you can do when you are young and stupid. stuff you'll regret when you are old and I AM over 50 ! so glad i never did any anal sex! yuk!
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, this is an old post.  I think what people do in the bedroom is their business.  If someone wants to experiment, that is their right.  BUT, both partners should be willing.  I'm not in my 50's.  I've known some to do 'this' and they say they have enjoyed it on an occasional basis. May not be my thing, but I don't begrudge those who are into it.  And my friends who have this in their line up don't have any injuries to date.  So, all should do what they are comfortable with and make decisions based on their own preferences.  luck to all  
Helpful - 0
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