Help

[Matilda3336]

Am 20 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now
Whenever he try to put his pines in my *** we get scared cuz we wanna know
Is this ganna make me bleed?? Is this ganna live a mark?? What will happen ??
Pliz some one tell me do I need to be that scared ??
I mean we are in love an everything .. What would I do???

[Matilda3336]

Thx alot

[specialmom]

I don't think you have to break and can see what happens in the future.  But neither of you have declared this to be what you absolutely want in the future.  You are young and have doubts.  That's natural.  

But if in your culture it is a big deal to lose your virginity--------  I'd wait until you are absolutely sure.  

I will tell you that many in my country lose their virginity at a young age and not with someone they stay with long term . . .  and many many regret that.  Not all-----------  but there are other ways to please each other without this and if you are not sure or have doubts about it---------- I'd wait.  good luck

[Matilda3336]

I have thought about it. And the reason his saying that it's because he may leave to study outside the country and so would I . So we don't wanna stand in each others future.
I dunno maybe you're right. Maybe he wont be my future husband.But the thing is that we've tried to have a break to c the other obtions but we both couldnt imagin ourselves without  each other.we love each other so much. Our parents knows and our friends knows. Maybe we're not ready to break.
What do u think?

[specialmom]

I wouldn't say that it is not normal.  Even in my ultra permiscuos culture--------- there are still couples that wait.  Perfectly normal.  We have brains that should be in control over what our body does.  Grown ups have to do that in many instances in their lives.  Not to say having sex is wrong but you have doubts.  Otherwise you would have already done it.  

I will tell you that many women lose their virginity before they should have in retrospect and regret it.  Don't have regrets.  Don't do it until you are sure.

But a bigger problem I see in what you've written is that your boyfriend of 3 years is saying that your future husband may judge you for not being a virgin . . .  um.  I think he is saying he is not going to be your future husband.  If he was sure he would be, he wouldn't have made this comment.  Have you thought about this?

[Matilda3336]

It is not normal.... The body have needs and plus  I love my boyfriend very much and I know he have needs too.
My culture saids things I don't believe in.Alot of people do sexual stuff in secret.That's how my county in so that's something we have to deal with. So thx alot

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well, if you have doubts---------- it really is best to wait.  That is just my opinion------- but you seem quite doubtful.  Why NOT wait until you marry if that is the norml of your culture?

[Matilda3336]

Thx alot but my mother and I don't really talk about stuff like this.. Where I come from if Ur having sex that a shame and I will be consider a bad girl , even if that person is my boyfriend and I love him so much....I dunno what to do !?
Thx anyway

[sweetpea03]

To answer your question, "If  he puts his pines in my *** several times dose this ganna make me not a virgin?" ... yes, if he penetrates you, then you will not be a virgin. If you don't want to have sex, then please don't. There is no need to rush into this and it's fine to wait. You need to do what you are comfortable with.

[specialmom]

I hope Matilda that you can speak to your mother about these things.  It is important to have someone who loves you share information like this.  Even if it is a big sister, aunt or a good friend.  

And I do think that if it causes you anxiety, that maybe now is not the time to have sex.  

If your boyfriend is saying that he doesn't want you to lose your virginity to him because yo are suppose to do it with your husband--------- he's telling you to things.  One, he cares about you and your reputation and two, he's not sure he will marry you.

I'd wait if I were you.  Talk to a loved one.  good luck

[Matilda3336]

We did get together several times but he never puts his pines in me ... Cuz he don't want me to be not virgin because of him.and where I live  it's not ok to sleep with someone be4 u get married

[Matilda3336]

Thx alot Perch
Actualy this is really helpful

But I need to ask one more question
Because my boyfriend is my first and I am his first. If  he puts his pines in my *** several times dose this ganna make me not a virgin?

[perch101]

Hi Matilda,

To answer your questions -

- You may bleed a little, some women do the 1st time and some don't. If you do, it will be a small amount, ('spotting') - you won't be gushing blood or anything.

- Having sex will not 'leave a mark' - as in, no-one can tell by looking at any part of you if you have had sex or not.

What will happen? Well the 1st time is different for everyone, so hard to say. The 1st time will be a bit uncomfortable and probably hurt a little bit. This goes away after a few times. And then when you're with somone you love it is extremely enjoyable :-)  Your partner should go slow and stop the second it gets too uncomfortable. The more tense and scared you are, the more you'll clamp up and the more uncomfortable it will be.

It is normal to be a bit apprehensive the 1st time you have sex (fear of the unknown) - However, you sound really scared, which perhaps suggests you are not ready to have sex yet.

I hope this helps some.

Best wishes,
Perch.

[della2224]

So you guys have never has sex? are u still a virgin?

[Matilda3336]

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[Matilda3336]

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