Aa
His girlfriend or Xbox?? Help please...
Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and I am concerned with a few things. And just really need some advice. My boyfriend works probably 11-13 hours a day, right when he comes home he goes to the tv and turns on Xbox. EVERYDAY he plays this from the time he wakes up or gets home from work till an hour before he goes to bed to 'spend' some time with me. I'm really hurt by this and Everytime I bring it up to him. He always questions our relationship and asks if I'm truly happy and if I want to leave. So the topic then gets dropped. The main problem I have with Xbox is that he talks to ALL these people! He talked about 'jackig' off with women in the Xbox live party chat.. I just don't know what to do! I know for a fact I am not over reacting. Just had a long weekend, and the first thing on his list was... XBOX!
First dear he would have to WANT the counselling or change BEFORE considering this. Plus, as you have stated he is "tight" with "our" money. BTW: why would he have 100% control over the money? Is he taking care of you 100% financially?
You need to leave and get independent from all this with the help of counselling for YOURSELF. Look into free counselling. I wouldn't be looking to "change him" but change you and your situation.
Your statement...."He always questions our relationship and asks if I'm truly happy and if I want to leave." I think he wants out still.
You need to leave and get independent from all this with the help of counselling for YOURSELF. Look into free counselling. I wouldn't be looking to "change him" but change you and your situation.
Your statement...."He always questions our relationship and asks if I'm truly happy and if I want to leave." I think he wants out still.
How would he consider help or counseling? I don't think that would really be an option. Because he is very tight with our money.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I must agree with Londres. Something is very wrong with a person that uses such a thing as gaming to help him pass time when he has a family right there wanting to have a relationship with him. He wants to communicate with strangers and then be a stranger to his family. Not to mention that a partner's responsibilty it to . . . be a partner. So, when he is home, he isn't to disengage from you and kids but engage. He does the opposite.
My advice that he has underlying mental health issues stands and no matter how much you talk to him, you will get nowhere unless he addresses these core issues. Sorry. I wish I had better advice for you but unless he seeks help or counseling, any change will be short lived as something is driving him beyond just wanting to play games. good luck
My advice that he has underlying mental health issues stands and no matter how much you talk to him, you will get nowhere unless he addresses these core issues. Sorry. I wish I had better advice for you but unless he seeks help or counseling, any change will be short lived as something is driving him beyond just wanting to play games. good luck
Your statement...."He always questions our relationship and asks if I'm truly happy and if I want to leave." I think he wants out.
After reading your other post it is clear you SHOULD WANT OUT.
After reading your other post it is clear you SHOULD WANT OUT.
Thanks for the advice! Could you read my other post! I really appreciate the fact that your helping me out!
Seems like he's the on who needs to be in control in this relationship then? Why can't he just 'pass the time' with you, instead of playing a game and making friends there. Can't you guys not go out with real friends, or just spend time as a couple? Go to the movies, watch tv, cook dinner etc.
Seems like it's all one rule for you, and none for him - which isn't fair. Relationships should be equal. I really think you need to talk to him about this. Him ignoring you, might lead to do something 'shady' - more likely than you going out with your friends.
You gotta talk to him, make your feelings clear.
Seems like it's all one rule for you, and none for him - which isn't fair. Relationships should be equal. I really think you need to talk to him about this. Him ignoring you, might lead to do something 'shady' - more likely than you going out with your friends.
You gotta talk to him, make your feelings clear.
He told me that he does it because of the friends he makes on it and because it helps pass time by. He tells me that he loves having me beside him. But he ignores me when he plays. I can't go out with my gfs or hell think that I'm doing something shady.. ?
This is life for a lot of women these days, because their partners seem to spend all their spare time playing computer games.
I can understand that he may want to use it as time to relax and let off steam after working all day, but there has to be a compromise, and he should be spending time with you as well and not just playing on his XBox the whole time.
I do think your feelings are normal, and you're not over reacting. I was also question is he is really happy, not just you. He seems to want to spend more time playing games than spending it with you. An hour a day or whatever, compared to the hours he spends playing this game just really doesn't seem fair to me.
I'd bring it up again, and explain to him how this is making your feel. If he questions your relationship then don't just drop the subject and leave it - talk it out. It's the only way you're going to get anywhere. If he doesn't see there's a problem, and thinks it's okay to be spending more time on that than with you then maybe you both need to re think the relationship.
You don't seem happy right now, and unless something changes, you're not going to get any happier.
I do think spending time on his Xbox is valid, and okay to do - but not the extend you say he is, and I would say something needs to change.
Maybe he has an addiction to it? Or there's another reason why he's spending so much time on there? These are things you both need to discuss though, otherwise you'll just keep going round in circles and not get anywhere, and your feelings will get worse.
I can understand that he may want to use it as time to relax and let off steam after working all day, but there has to be a compromise, and he should be spending time with you as well and not just playing on his XBox the whole time.
I do think your feelings are normal, and you're not over reacting. I was also question is he is really happy, not just you. He seems to want to spend more time playing games than spending it with you. An hour a day or whatever, compared to the hours he spends playing this game just really doesn't seem fair to me.
I'd bring it up again, and explain to him how this is making your feel. If he questions your relationship then don't just drop the subject and leave it - talk it out. It's the only way you're going to get anywhere. If he doesn't see there's a problem, and thinks it's okay to be spending more time on that than with you then maybe you both need to re think the relationship.
You don't seem happy right now, and unless something changes, you're not going to get any happier.
I do think spending time on his Xbox is valid, and okay to do - but not the extend you say he is, and I would say something needs to change.
Maybe he has an addiction to it? Or there's another reason why he's spending so much time on there? These are things you both need to discuss though, otherwise you'll just keep going round in circles and not get anywhere, and your feelings will get worse.
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