How do i make him see spending money doesn't show me he loves me?!

[jsavat]

Well, lets see where do i actually begin? My husband left on January 5th for another deployment to Iraq for a year. Now, i understand it's his job and all but i hate it!  We have been together 5 years now and i had actually filed divorce papers back in September 08'.  We decided to keep trying to make our marriage work and i stopped the divorce process. Now our problems don't lie with sex or money, like most couples with issues. Our problems lie on him putting his job and career before me ~ all the time!  Now since i've filed the papers and we are now working it out, he took the steps to finally after 5 years giving me some of the things i really want in my life. I told him i was ready to start building a life with him and if he couldn't do that then we needed to just go seperate ways. I don't think wanting a home, more children and just living and being happy is out of the norm.  So he has made steps to give me these things i request.  He has now bought me a 5 bedroom, 3,000 sqft home and we even got my tubes untied so we could try to have a child.  But now i have these things, i don't have him here to enjoy them or even to try and have a baby! I want him with me more than anything, but i don't think he gets it.  I think he feels that he can just make me happy by giving me all the monetary things i want.  Like June is our 5th anniversary. And i found out yesterday that he has gotten me this 5 diamond band i said i wanted that costed like 2 grand.  I never really expected to get that ring but he got it for me! I was blown away to find this out. But he says, i just want you to know that i love you!  I know i have a good man, but how do i make him realize that its not the things he can get me that makes me happy but it's him and his presence that i want more than anything?!  Geez... what do i do?

[jsavat]

Well good luck to you on getting his attention too then :)

[treazzure007]

this is the way some men think.  my husband was actually taught from boyhood that his job is to provide, provide, provide for his family.  he thinks about the same way as your husband.  when i complain that he won't watch 1 single movie with me, he reminds me of all the things he's bought me, payed for, and is thinking of buying me!  only thing is, he's a homebody so i always have him around and can manage to get his attention every once in awhile

[jsavat]

Thank you!  I guess i will just keep telling him and maybe just maybe one day it will sink in his thick skull.... or else i'll really get fed up... one or the other!

[babypooh]

I can understand your frustrations then with him choosing that over you, or it seeming that way sometimes. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but you should still talk to him and tell him what you've just shared with us. Talking about it and being this honest should help. Then make your decisions based on what he says. Good luck!

[jsavat]

Actually he is in a contract but it's not like the regular Army active cause he's AGR. And as far as him having a choice he actually did. He actually volunteered to go on this deployment which was kind of one of the last straws that made me leave back last year. He can choose to leave in 2010 but he would have to resign his commission and i know that is something he doesn't really want to do. See, he's a Pilot and he loves flying. He is so passionate about it, it's actually sick sometimes.  And i don't want to make him choose because i know he could end up resenting me for it but i'd just like him to realize that i want more of him and not just the things he can do for me.  And There is ALOT of love between us. I can honestly say it's kind of sickening cause people think we are newly weds the way we act with eachother when he's around!

Thanks you guys!

[babypooh]

That's the same thing I was thinking, Cootos. Hmm, well, if he does have a choice or when he comes back, the only thing you can do is talk about things with him and explain that the material stuff means nothing compared to him being there with you. Talking things through is always best. Don't give up if you know there's still love between you two. Good luck!

[Cootos]

If he's in the army does he even have the choice just to walk away or is he on a contract?