How to deal with a rude, condescending physician

[ZonnyC]

Hello everyone.  I am having communication problems with my physician.  She has been my physician for 5 years and she is competent and I trust her judgement most of the time, but there are times when we disagree.  Lately she has become more and more rushed, doesn't really listen well and makes negative comments about Americans.  One time I came to my appointment and she asked me why I chose to make a late appointment with her?  I think she feels since I am a housewife and don't work that I should be able to come at the times that she wants me to come which is in the mornings and frankly I am very busy in the mornings.  Plus on that given day I felt better in the morning, but started to feel rotten as the day progressed, so I booked a late appointment with her.  She has fat shamed me in the past asking me was I that heavy when my husband married me.  Then she tends to air her frustrations out about her daughter who is living in the states and wants to continue living in the states and told me she doesn't understand why she would want to live in the U.S.  Once she told me she thought I was moving back to the U.S. since my husband was retired and I told her no and then she stated that I was probably staying in their country because the medical insurance was better then the medical insurance in the U.S.  I ask for copies of all my labs, etc. and she doesn't like that.  She questions everything I tell her as if it isn't the truth.  Last time I saw her she made a big deal because I forgot to remove my sunglasses in her office.  Stated you know the eyes are the windows to one's soul.  Then she proceeded to rush through the appointment after she was late starting the appointment. When paying her I can't do that fast enough for her either as she has NO receptionist to take care of that.  She has to take her own phone calls and the payments.  She has done loads more over the years and I just can't remember everything.  I don't how to end this or handle this.  I want to find another physician, but my medical issues are kind of complicated and I don't want to go through re-establishing with another physician.  What if I get someone just like her or worse? I usually see her 2-3x/year, but now this situation is getting to me and I feel so upset and depressed when I leave her office.  I tried talking to me husband about this, but he just tells me to not pay any attention to the situation.  Plus he doesn't believe in physicians and never goes to them.  My family and friends say leave, but I am scared to.  

Tips?  Advice?

[Chima7]

My longtime doctor left so they put me with another one in the same practice. I figured I'd give her a try and see what she's like. Omg, she was quite literally the most passive aggressive and condescending doctor I've seen in a very long time! She made me feel terrible about myself and she really, really got under my skin. I didn't stop talking about how bad she was to my family and friends for a long time! I found another doc in the practice that I liked and have been seeing him ever since.

Now whenever my new doc isn't available and they try to put me with that awful doc, I tell them flat out that I'll never go to her again because she was the worst. And funny enough, she's the only one who seems to always have available appointments all the time while all the other docs and even the physician assistants have few available appointments because no one wants to go to that terrible doctor.

So anyway my point being, if you're not comfortable with any doctor at any time, it's your choice to find another one. It doesn't matter how long you've been going to a doctor, you can change to a different one at any time. Don't ever feel obligated to stay with a doc who you don't feel good about. It's your health care. It's your choice.

[ZonnyC]

Thanks!  I am glad I came to MH for suggestions.  I am mustering up the courage to leave.  Your old physician sounds just like my current one.  I've always had problems leaving a relationship when it becomes not in my best interest to stay.  :((

[Countrymorninggirl]

You need to leave if she is disrespecting you like that, If at all possible. I've  had doctors do some of the same things to me and I switched to another one. I sure hope you find a good doctor, dealing with that is not fun at all.  ... She sounds like a real winner. :(

[ZonnyC]

She is a winner.  :((  I've found one physician I might switch to.

[Countrymorninggirl]

That's great! I'm very happy for you. Best wishes to you and yours. ;) Let me know how it goes.

[ZonnyC]

I appreciate everyone's responses.  I will keep you all posted.  I really need to find someone more professional and who listens.  I am even more mad today about the situation because I told her 18 months ago that I was having lower back pain and she told me to try riding my bike instead of ordering any imaging.  Well, fast-forward to 2017 March when I started having severe lower back and butt pain and then she finally sent me to a Physiatrist who was a sweetheart and he diagnosed me with Facet Joint Disease and gave me an order for detailed PT and told me to stick to aerobic activities.  He was NOTHING like her.  I have my good periods and bad periods and today is a BAD day.  The pain isn't pleasant and I just think time was wasted getting a proper diagnosis and perhaps I could of avoided dealing with this terrible pain.  

[Countrymorninggirl]

:( I'm sorry, hope you get some relief.

[ZonnyC]

Thanks.  I do feel better.  I just have to keep up with my exercising, stretching exercises and drop a ton of weight.  I've injured my lower back at least twice in my lifetime (had someone pull a chair out from under me once and lifting someone that was too heavy to lift).  The excess weight doesn't help and I am a stress eater.  When I go to my appointments with this doctor I always the need to binge on food afterwards.  It took me many years figure out and to come to the conclusion that I binge when I am stressed.  I got away with it for a long time and now it has caught up with me.  I am trying my best to get these pounds off.  :((  Kinda of embarrassed to say I've let the situation get the better of me.

[Nighthawk61]

I think you've gotten some great advice here, and i too think you should definitely start to look for a new physician. What Specialmom said about her treating you like a friend sounds about right, a not so nice friend that you wouldn't bother with but this type of behaviour is unprofessional at best. Friends sometimes feel the right to talk to you on a level of intimacy that certainly professional caregivers that you are paying for should not be entitled to and I'm really sorry you're feeling this kind of depression as a result. I get you. Honestly, i have a bit of a problem with my own physician, and i have to see her for prescriptions every month. I haven't changed doctors myself, because my last two doctors were worse. I've never really found a physician i would say that i really liked (which is sad). Good luck to you, i hope you let us know how this issue is working itself out. Thanks for posting. Good topic.  

[ZonnyC]

Thank you Nighthawk.  She does sound like a "frenemy" and I've had a couple of those in my life.  I've had a couple of wonderful physicians in my past (my Pediatrician as a child and my last Internist before leaving to go live abroad.  I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and I know people can have bad days, but this situation seems to be getting worse.  She reminds me of someone very unhappy with her job and/or burned out.  I just need to find someone who is professional.  Sometimes she wants to chit chat about what my husband is doing, etc.  I don't want to talk about my husband if I am coming to her because I am having pain.  Know what I mean?  It is as if she is socially inept.  She may have the brains to be a physician, but her social skills are lacking.

[specialmom]

Yes, you are the consumer of health care.  That means you have the power and choices.  In some countries this is not the case because good doctors are harder to come by, but if you can let her know that you are not tolerating unprofessional behavior (which is what she is showing)--  then it will help her with future patients. She seems to be on a level with you in which she is treating you like a friend.   Which is nice but she's shown you that you probably wouldn't want to be her friend.  LOL  It's unfortunate.  But not something you should have to deal with.  Lots of people feel anxious as it is when going to the doctor about their own health . . .  NOT that their doctor is acting rude or passing judgements and being inappropriate.  Let us know how it goes!  

[ZonnyC]

Thank you for your response.  I just needed my concerns validated.  I hate confrontation, but when it is needed I need to make it happen.  I will have a firm, but civil talk with her the next time I see her.  In the country where I am living one is allowed to change physicians, but I am afraid I will get someone like her or worse.  It's a gamble that I just might have to take.  When she checks my blood pressure it surges and at home my numbers aren't elevated at all.  Then she proceeds to tell me "Oh, you have white coat syndrome."  I want to tell her "No, I just dislike YOU."  LOL!  

[Swelter_]

Your physician is supposed to make you feel COMFORTABLE, and not depressed after seeing them! If you are the kinds that is ok with confronting people head-on and airing your grievances, then I think you should definitely tell her you need to talk to her and air your feelings out. She sounds pretty unprofessional with some of the things you mention she is doing or the way she treats you.

If you think talking to her isn't an option, then finding another physician may be a better option, than dealing with your health issues AND a surly/disrespectful doctor who probably compounds your issues.

You have every right to be taken seriously and to be treated with respect by your doctor.

Hope you do what makes you feel happy and satisfied.

Wish you the best!

[ZonnyC]

Thank you for your response.  I think it's time to just air my grievances with her, but I am going to start looking for another physician.  At times, she seems to act appropriate and pleasant, but then she has to pepper the situation with negativity.  She just seems unhappy and burned out.  Surly is the perfect description of her.

[Swelter_]

I'm glad you found another physician, one shouldn't have to put up with a surly physician on top of everything else!