How to make him happy in and out of the bedroom

[kiagirl980]

I started dating this guy a little over a month ago. I did have issues with being shy sexually which i am opening up a little with him. I told him how i had been treated in past relationships and i understand now that i shouldnt have because if there is something that he expects me to do sexually and i dont do it he will always bring up the fact that if your ex didnt like it that dont mean that i dont. Then he blames me for compaaring him to my ex. I have never compared him to an ex and never would. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but he is putting a wedge between us with this. The last issue came up when we were having sex and he pulled out and orgasmed on my stomach while holding himself in his hand and hes upset with me that i didnt touch him while he was having an orgasm. I told him i didnt know he would like that.


This discussion is related to Confused.

[kiagirl980]

I know I did absolutely wrong last night for him to treat me the way he did when he came home from work. But I have to let you all know what kind of a jerk I fell in love with and thank you all for your kind words. Last night the husband of my coworker was throwing a surprises birthday party for her 5oth birthday. Myself and our boss had been invited so he offered to pick me up and drive me so I could have a couple of drinks with my friend Dina for her birthday since he dont drink. I told Tom that he was driving me and he questioned who Doug was so I told him it was my boss. I saw nothing wrong with this. I got home around ten thirty and text him to let him know i was home and then i made his dinner for him, which I dont think he even ate. He got home from work around 2am and spoke maybe two words to me si i decided to go to bed instead of sitting there like a dummy. He decided to sleep in the spare room, I assume his guilty conscience finally got to him for what he was doing behind my back. I woke uo this morning to an email from him to take my things and go home and he had nothing else to say when he finally got up. I guess the conclusion I finally came to was dont trust a man that cant be trusted eventhough I did trust him.

[cutipup100]

I understand as this has just happened to me....but I am sure you have been through worse, I have. I also think of hw things could be worse it keeps me going like "this isnt that bad." eventhough of course right now we think it is but in all actuality it isnt things could always be worse.... keep your head up and be strong, if he needs  space give it to him, how ever long he needs but also what u are willing to out up with, put youself first and hang in there.

[kiagirl980]

And like you said it may be his way of breaking but Ill see over the weekend and after to talk tonight.

[kiagirl980]

I asked him today actually through text since he left me this in an email before he left for work today. I told him if he need space id give it to him and asked if we were still going to see each other during that time. We are supposed to talk about this when he gets home from work tonight since he does his best thinking at work. Im sitting here now making his dinner and waiting for him to get home from work. Its not easy to just up and walk away from someone you have fallen in love with. I know its only been just over a month but I do love him.

[cutipup100]

He  is either really actually stressed and asking for space to cool down.... maybe a few days or weeks? who knows, only he does...Or he is saying he needs space to eventually break up or this is his way of breaking up without actually saying it.... will you guys still be in contact? see eachother during the break time? Why don't you say look im here for you if you are stressed don't push me away but include me and let me be there and help you... maybe just to see what he says? say this out of concern then if he needs space well give it to him...

[kiagirl980]

Now he tells me that hes stressed about having to take time off work because his kids are coming next month and his older daughter is getting married and he is having problems financially and its not me its him. I think he is just making excuses but oh well. He said we dont need to see each other every day that he needs his space. Hey thats all he needed to say since he was the one that hasnt wanted me to go home since i came here the frst time over a month ago. Now he needs space, not sure why because i work all night shifts and he usually gets home from work between 12 midnight and 2am. Not sure how much space he needs.

[TTinKKerBBell]

What "answers" are you looking to get??  and if these "answers" are not what you want to hear, what is his unrest? What do you have in store for him?

With all due respect, you miss my point.

I'm suggesting that you know all you need to know right now,
that this is not a good relationship for you,
and that can make your own decision about moving on

Set your own standards for happiness and well-being

[kiagirl980]

Ya we were on cloud nine until he started telling me that this other lady was interested and apparently many more since I came in to the picture but he blames everything on me and my past with my exs. I will get some answers today or he wont rest for five minutes.

[TTinKKerBBell]

It sounds like you are 'waiting' to see what he's going to do (?) - is this correct?

I suggest since you only have a "little more than a month" invested here,  it's kinda like it's been a "long", "bad" date.  Maybe you should tell him that since it hasn't gone well  that you have decided to move on and make a better future for yourself.
In the first month of a new relationship everyone is supposed to be on "cloud nine".  That isn't happening here.  Too many issues for a "new" romance.

good luck

[kiagirl980]

I expect things to be over today when he wakes up and starts talking. He was very quiet all day yesterday and last night, I didnt receive one text all day and that was strange and not like him. When he comes in to work he always got a smart *** remark to make about his friend Sue. Shes the lady that got the hots for him and i think he just does it to **** me off. But after thinking about it last night Im thinking all of this negative crap started happening after he found out she had the hots for him. Its going to be make or break today or over the weekend. I cant continue to live like this. Someone telling me they want a relationship and that I am everything he ever wanted in a woman just to turn around and be like this. I believe he does have big issues. But believe me this wont end pretty at all.

[kiagirl980]

Thank you.

[ajh2585]

Please be careful :) was just reading your posts!

[kiagirl980]

He didnt meet up with this other woman actually but I still dont know if he has told her he isnt interested in her. So I am free from any std. Not sure whats going on here but its getting more confuseing every day.

[Vance2335]

Well maybe he got a STD from this older woman?
But you could have chlamydia and not know it. If you have been sexually active with others in the past year and not tested.

[kiagirl980]

OMG, he never seaces to amaze me with some of the crap he says. He told me two days ago it hurts him when he pees so i said maybe a water infection. Today he asks me if i have stds. Like wtf

[Vance2335]

If this woman is hitting on him, he doesn't need to say anything to her about it. Just ignore it. Going for coffee makes no sense, sounds like going for coffee is for him to tell her "yeah we can fool around but I have a gf so have to keep it on the dl". Sorry to say this but this guy sounds like a tool.

I'd get out/away now.

[TTinKKerBBell]

A month is not long enough to know if You "love Him"
and
it's not long enough for You to know You want to spend the "rest of Your life with Him"
but
if it WERE long enough - I would definitely say He doesn't measure up.

My opinion:  You are putting the "cart before the horse".  It takes WAY longer than a month to '"know" someone but You ARE learning about Him now and it's not looking good.

Only a month!!??  You should both be Euphoric and 'on cloud nine'.  

There should not be sexual problems, an older woman He's having coffee with 'cuz she's coming on to Him, and "bringing up crap when He's drinking"

How many Red Flags do You need?

This is only the beginning and it isn't starting out good.  Heed the clues.

Good Luck

[kiagirl980]

Another thing that bothers me is that we both work at the same place and this older lady is hitting on him, so last night he said he was going to go for coffee with her and tell her that he isnt interested. Im not sure why he feels he has to go for coffee with her to tell her this when he could tell her through text instead. He tells me that he isnt intersted in her at all but i dont get why he has to go for coffee to tell her this.

[kiagirl980]

I will ask him tonight and thank you for your very kind words.

[Life360_Dave]

I would agree with your statement. Drinking does tend to bring out stuff thats supressed in side. I think my whole point with this is that he should be more sensitive to your needs and if hes not then ask him out right why he continues to do this. Tell him that if he truely cares for you why doesnt he consider your feelings? Ask him his and see what he says/

[kiagirl980]

Some people are very sensitive i understand. It seems he always brings up this crap when he is drinking so im wondering if thats when the real truth comes out or not.

[Life360_Dave]

I sign of true love is the gift of empathy which is understanding the being of another. Ok, once in a while we mess up but in the long run feelings for the other person are the real truths.
If he keeps bringing up your past affairs, and knows it bothers you, he is not being very sensitive to your needs, only his needs.

[kiagirl980]

But the thing is he makes me feel like he cares, until he brings up something about one of my exs and then blames me for bringing it up. I told him how i felt from the beginning about how i was shy sexually and that it would take me a while to get over it even with him. He has helped me overcome some of it but when he does those things it makes me crawl back in to my shell and i dont want to do that i want t pplease him in every way i can both in and out of the bedroom but it seems he always says things to make that not happen.

[Life360_Dave]

His telling you what he knows you want to hear. He is sounding more like a manuipulator now!!! Dear, i really think you have your hands full with him and just hope when your 2 hands are held together they are big enough to hold all that hes going to put in them!
Never never let any one dominate you. You were a person who struggled hard to get where you are in life. You have values and feeling and careing qualities. Never give them up for the affection of some one who really dosent give a hooT.