Aa
Husband Loves Games More Than Me. No Question.
Okay. So before we met, my husband used to play World of Warcraft, apparently a lot. He quit after we started dating awhile, but when we were together and he played, he would stop doing something (with me) to go play it and completely ignore me; so obviously I was happy when he quit. Now, about a year later, he's playing again! He's only had it installed for TWO DAYS, and already I'm on the verge of tearing that stupid computer out of the wall. Even his little sister agrees it's a dumb thing for him to do. He was addicted to it before, and now he is again.
Not only that, but he started playing another game (which came as a shocker to me, I thought that WoW was his one true love, and now he's having an affair??!). The first thing I saw when he turned it on = two skanky girls with their **** hangin out.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him (I know they're just game characters, but come on, there are a million games WITHOUT that kind of thing in it). And the WoW thing, I don't even need to ask, I already know he loves it more than me. No one even bother trying to tell me otherwise. First it was "I'll only play it while you're at work". Then "Only when you're not at the house", and finally "Whenever you're not in the room". He said he'd quit as soon as I got back, but when I came back from taking a shower, he was still playing 3 or 4 hours later. Ugh.
Not only that, but he started playing another game (which came as a shocker to me, I thought that WoW was his one true love, and now he's having an affair??!). The first thing I saw when he turned it on = two skanky girls with their **** hangin out.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him (I know they're just game characters, but come on, there are a million games WITHOUT that kind of thing in it). And the WoW thing, I don't even need to ask, I already know he loves it more than me. No one even bother trying to tell me otherwise. First it was "I'll only play it while you're at work". Then "Only when you're not at the house", and finally "Whenever you're not in the room". He said he'd quit as soon as I got back, but when I came back from taking a shower, he was still playing 3 or 4 hours later. Ugh.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Tylenol is safe during pregnancy but do NOT exceed the recommended dosage. That is one you can't do that with as it is dangerous to the liver. Hopefully you don't get on any pain meds but if you ever do, never take tylenol while drinking alcohol. It can literally kill you. But oh my gosh--------------- yes yes yes. Great that you are off the pain pills!!!! Good job!
The agreement so far has worked great. We've established a good code and he's followed it fine once I explained to him how 'certain' types of games make me feel. He's eliminated those games and promised he wouldn't play them again. I've stopped taking the pain killers and I am sticking to Tylenol for the pain, the OB says Tylenol is safe, but it still can cause problems, but it is better than taking something that could cause serious harm right?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, don't get mad. I've studied addiction and actually using something to deal with stress and pressure is actually usually involved in addiction. It is called self medicating. People do it with shopping, eating, drinking and drugging, etc.. I am glad that you worked out an agreement! That is a terrific start. I'd probably hold off on the pain killers while you are pregnant as it can interfere with development of your baby. But I won't preach to you. Good luck with it all and let us know how your agreement goes. I'm glad he was so willing to agree to it!! Best of luck.
I'm not addicted to pain killers, my husband offers them to me because he knows that with my job (I work at Donatos where I have to constantly be on the move, lift extremely heavy stuff, and I have to be on my feet almost 8 hours straight) but it isn't an addiction. We've worked out the game problem and he is letting me use the "Parental Control" option when ever he plays it. He can play two hours one day a week (due to work), and he agreed to it. I realized he isn't addicted to it when he told me that it is his way of dealing with stress and pressure. His mom has been putting so much pressure on him he is starting to crack, I know I can help him through it, I just don't want him pushing me away for a video game. We've come to a great agreement and I'm glad things have worked out.
Hannah, this is a crisis situation. I just went to your profile, and you've been taking prescription pain killers for a "long, long time" that aren't prescribed to you, you're 19 and your husband looks to be the same age and you're pregnant and your doctor doesn't seem to be aware that you're addicted to Rx pain killers.
This is SUCH a much bigger issue than this young man who won't quit his computer addiction.
Both of you are so incredibly young, and don't seem prepared for parenthood. Do you have older adults (aunts and uncles, parents, etc.) who are wiling to help you out when the baby comes?
Secondly, have you worked with your OBGYN about your pain killer Rx addiction?
Best wishes. I think you are too young to know how difficult a situation you are in right now.
This is SUCH a much bigger issue than this young man who won't quit his computer addiction.
Both of you are so incredibly young, and don't seem prepared for parenthood. Do you have older adults (aunts and uncles, parents, etc.) who are wiling to help you out when the baby comes?
Secondly, have you worked with your OBGYN about your pain killer Rx addiction?
Best wishes. I think you are too young to know how difficult a situation you are in right now.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yep. If he can't limit his time----------- then it is an addiction and a serious problem. With all addictions, you have to stop completely. He'll not like it but you have to remain firm. Otherwise, this is like any other addiction. It will mess up everything else in your life. Good luck
Pull the plug. I dont think anything you say to him could be any clearer than that. If he said he would quit when you came home and didnt. Pull the plug.
I don't think a time limit thing will work. This game is very literally addictive. Without getting too boring, the way they work the "rewards" - intermittent, not scheduled - is literally addictive. It's insidious.
If you remember when tobacco companies were called to the carpet for varying the nicotine amounts in cigarettes - thus creating the intermittent rate of reward - and an addiction that is SO HARD to break - this game is designed the same way.
He can't just do a little. It's all or nothing. I've known boys addicted to this (one of my own sons, thankfully I have the power to just not pay the fees and I could cut it off) and I've seen this behavior. When they're on the computer they're focused, when they're off they're distracted and even drowsy.
It's easier to stop all together than limit the time spent on this game.
I don't know why Heroin is illegal and this game is.
Best wishes.
If you remember when tobacco companies were called to the carpet for varying the nicotine amounts in cigarettes - thus creating the intermittent rate of reward - and an addiction that is SO HARD to break - this game is designed the same way.
He can't just do a little. It's all or nothing. I've known boys addicted to this (one of my own sons, thankfully I have the power to just not pay the fees and I could cut it off) and I've seen this behavior. When they're on the computer they're focused, when they're off they're distracted and even drowsy.
It's easier to stop all together than limit the time spent on this game.
I don't know why Heroin is illegal and this game is.
Best wishes.
COMMUNITY LEADER
You've received some good advice here. Man, I must be old. I don't really get the gaming thing but I'll apply knowledge I have on other things to this. Any obsession that takes such a hold over someone that they neglect other things and people in their lives is a problem. I agree wholeheartedly that priorities need to be set as a couple and limits need to be set. He sounds like this has moved into the realm of an addiction which means he may be very resistant to this. But I would communicate to him that it is unhealthy for you two as a couple for him to have this so high on his priority list. That you need to be above this as well as your future baby. He really needs to hear that you see that you are not.
If he can not limit himself, ugh. You've got a problem. Addiction, no matter what it is, is very difficult to deal with. You'll probably have to consult a therapist and he will probably have to give it up completely. (Alcoholics can't have one drink, right? They must abstain completely to stay sober.) I hope that it doesn't go down that road------ but addiction is defined by something that takes over someone's life and stops them from doing other things and negatively impacts their life. It has control over them vs. the other way around.
Good luck!!
If he can not limit himself, ugh. You've got a problem. Addiction, no matter what it is, is very difficult to deal with. You'll probably have to consult a therapist and he will probably have to give it up completely. (Alcoholics can't have one drink, right? They must abstain completely to stay sober.) I hope that it doesn't go down that road------ but addiction is defined by something that takes over someone's life and stops them from doing other things and negatively impacts their life. It has control over them vs. the other way around.
Good luck!!
I had the same problem with my husband before our baby got here. I was so royally sick of his game playing and it would drive me crazy because he would talk about it with other people in our lives and say stuff like "ivy and I play" (no, jerk, YOU play) and when I would say something about it he would ALWAYS say "but I thought you enjoyed it too...that makes me so sad, I really like playing with you" even though 90% of the time he was playing was NOT with me. but once our daughter got here he had no time. he hasn't played an online game regularly in a loooong time now (almost 2 years) when he used to not be able to go HOURS without playing. Now the only time he's allowed to play (and the game has to be one of the free MMO's which cuts back on how much he plays because all of the free ones suck) is when our daughter is asleep and I don't need or want anything.
I try to be reasonable because he does enjoy the games and I would quite frankly tear him bald if he tried to keep me from reading my books, but it has to be within limits. After the baby's asleep...when we're both having "down" time and relaxing...it's fine with me, as long as he goes to bed at a reasonable hour. I learned that it was better to compromise and let him play rather than try to cut it out entirely because, like I said, I thought about it like how would I feel if he asked me to stop reading? Which I probably do more than he plays MMOs, to be honest, lol.
I agree with mami...you should put your foot down if you feel like the content of the game is something you're uncomfortable with. I wouldn't worry about WoW because the graphics are so AWFUL, but WoW does have a history of creating gaming addicts so it may be time to have a serious conversation with him about priorities and setting reasonable limits on himself. He's an adult now, and you'll have a child to care for soon...time to grow up. (that was pretty much how our conversation went). not time to give up EVERYTHING you enjoy, just time to get your priorities in line and put FAMILY first. I would say "honey why don't you come up with a playing schedule that YOU feel is reasonable" and then talk with him once he makes a suggestion and slowly haggle until you both feel like you're comfortable and happy with the arrangement.
I try to be reasonable because he does enjoy the games and I would quite frankly tear him bald if he tried to keep me from reading my books, but it has to be within limits. After the baby's asleep...when we're both having "down" time and relaxing...it's fine with me, as long as he goes to bed at a reasonable hour. I learned that it was better to compromise and let him play rather than try to cut it out entirely because, like I said, I thought about it like how would I feel if he asked me to stop reading? Which I probably do more than he plays MMOs, to be honest, lol.
I agree with mami...you should put your foot down if you feel like the content of the game is something you're uncomfortable with. I wouldn't worry about WoW because the graphics are so AWFUL, but WoW does have a history of creating gaming addicts so it may be time to have a serious conversation with him about priorities and setting reasonable limits on himself. He's an adult now, and you'll have a child to care for soon...time to grow up. (that was pretty much how our conversation went). not time to give up EVERYTHING you enjoy, just time to get your priorities in line and put FAMILY first. I would say "honey why don't you come up with a playing schedule that YOU feel is reasonable" and then talk with him once he makes a suggestion and slowly haggle until you both feel like you're comfortable and happy with the arrangement.
Can you come up with boundaries or a time limit? I would sit and talk to him and tell him that it really makes you feel isolated and alone when he plays and ignores you. Tell him you don't mind him playing but ask if he could do it for like an hour each night and both of you come up with the time. Like 8 pm to 9 pm. Then when that hour is up he has to turn it off and come spend quality time with you. He has to stick with that time though. Make an agreement and if he doesn't stick with it, he loses a night worth of playing or something to that effect. Sounds like I'm talking about a child here...lol. Tell him that you don't like the other game, it makes you uncomfortable. So that one with the girl's boobies are off limits.
I don't get any "me" time anymore. I get pissed about it and we start fighting over it. He moved the area where I do my hair/makeup to set up a computer for it (even though he already has one) and didn't even feel it necessary to put the picture of us on the desk. Now I have to leave the room just to blow dry my hair, but heyy who cares as long as he has his video games.
I still don't see why he has to play that other game with the girls. I'm almost positive there's a game out there just like it without that kind of stuff.
I still don't see why he has to play that other game with the girls. I'm almost positive there's a game out there just like it without that kind of stuff.
Wow, I'm sorry, that would really bother me, too. I saw on your profile that you are pregnant, I think I would approach him from that angle, like, "Once the baby comes, you know I'm gonna need a lot of help and you're not really gonna have time for that, right?" Not in those words exactly, but you know what I mean.
It could be that he is thinking, "I better play while I can, BEFORE the baby comes", like he is trying to be a kid while he still can, LOL, or it could just be his "me" time thing. Even though you hate it (and I would, too), maybe you guys could agree to a reasonable amount of time spent on it each day or each week. Also, let him know that you expect YOUR "me" time, too, especially after the baby is born!!
It could be that he is thinking, "I better play while I can, BEFORE the baby comes", like he is trying to be a kid while he still can, LOL, or it could just be his "me" time thing. Even though you hate it (and I would, too), maybe you guys could agree to a reasonable amount of time spent on it each day or each week. Also, let him know that you expect YOUR "me" time, too, especially after the baby is born!!
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