Avatar universal

Husband has been lying since we were dating

My question is should I stay or go? When we first started dating I told my husband drugs are a very big thing for me so if you do them or plan on doing them take a hike. He said no....well before we go married i caught him, now most people think oh whats a little weed its legal other places. But for me it is a big deal. So we went to counselling to get over the drugs and lying to me about for 2 years. So move things along we now have a baby, I am no longer working we have tons of debt and a new house. I caught him again with it. Over the years I have caught him but he has denied it and made me feel like :Oh did he really have drugs on him? Is it me? Am I seeing things.  I confronted him on it and said I will not raise my daughter near drugs and I told him from the getgo if you do drugs get out. So I don't know if I should divorce him or stay? He says its nothing and does it once in awhile...well you dont need a hiding place if you do it once and awhile. I feel so trapped as I have no income what so ever I rely completely on him and this happens. So should I stay or should I go?
3 Responses
Avatar universal
If you don't at least leave the house, he's not going to change as it'd be an empty threat.  You need to weigh out whether you think separation (possibly legal separation) would be beneficial and spark him to realize you're serious or if he's just got that personality where he will do what he has to to get you back then go back to his old ways.  Can you move in with parents or a friend until you can get something to get you on your feet?
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there.   Sorry you are going through this.  You must be really disappointed.  I will say that I wish you'd stuck to your guns and just left when you caught him lying about it the first time.  THAT would have been an ideal place to break it off.  

He's obviously finding great value in weed or he is addicted.  Neither of which is attractive to me either.  I get where you are coming from.  The problem is, unless you really take a drastic step, he will not think he never has to change this. Women whose partner cheat on them over and over often have a pattern of taking them back each time.  Why would the cheater change?  They are still there for them in the end.  So, if this is a deal breaker, then act on it.  Think about it . ..   if it really is a deal breaker for you.  Then act accordingly.  He broke an agreement you had early on and something you've struggled with as a couple.  This deserves some  pretty major action.

Is he depressed by the way?  Is he self medicating for something that it would be better to see the doctor to work on the root cause?

So, think about these things to figure out what your next step is.  good luck
13167 tn?1327194124

I think when women have some specific thing in mind that they state they WILL NOT TOLERATE,  and then go on to marry someone who has that exact characteristic,  it needs to be explored.  

Your husband's drug habit aside,  I think you need to explore within yourself why you married a man who you knew was doing the exact thing you said was a deal breaker.  And then,  while you were married you noticed he was still doing it but you did nothing and now that you're truly trapped - you have a baby and enormous debt and no job - it's suddenly actually become a deal breaker when it wasn't all along.

Relationships,  and motivations for decisions aren't always what they seem.  I don't think this is as simple as you are stating.  

Best wishes.
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
For people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the COVID-19 pandemic can be particularly challenging.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Here’s how your baby’s growing in your body each week.
These common ADD/ADHD myths could already be hurting your child