Aa
I am tearing my wife
My wife and I just got married and have been trying to have sex for the first time (we waited, we were both virgins). I have a large penis (8 inches long, 2 inches wide), and I cannot get it in. We have been trying for a week or so, but when I get a few inches in, it gets incredibly painful for her, and it got more painful the more we tried, and she bleeds from it. We deduced a few days ago that I probably tore her, and needed to give it a rest for a few days. We are going to try again tonight and I would like for it to be a success.
We have been trying the missionary position with a pillow under her butt and her legs propped up.
Are we doing something wrong? Is there something that we should do differently? Does anybody have any advice?
We have been trying the missionary position with a pillow under her butt and her legs propped up.
Are we doing something wrong? Is there something that we should do differently? Does anybody have any advice?
Ive had a similar problem in the past with new sex partners.
My advice would be as follows (in order).
1) If time is a concern, dont bother. Try another day. You really cant rush this if you want
her to be able to enjoy herself as well.
2) Lots of foreplay (at least 30min)
3) In my experience, her nervousness over the coming attempt is one of the
biggest obstacles. If she is tense and nervous, its not going to work.
So.......
Lots of oral sex AND digital stimulation ...for HER. At least one climax is a must, the
more the better. I think that two or three is a good start with one barely paying lip service
to the attempt. Additionally, stimulation of the G-Spot seems to make things relax and
open up even more , whether or not she achieves purely clitoral orgasm.* The natural
endorphins and lubrication her body produce will work
miracles.
Turn her into Jello.
4) Artificial Lubrication
There are many different brands and varieties. Water Based and silicone seem to be the
most common.I prefer silicone and use it every time with my longtime girlfriend. Most
guys running into this problem are probably in a new relationship and are hopefully
wearing a condom which means that YOU MUST USE A WATER BASED LUBRICANT!
Never mix silicone lubricant with condoms OR silicone sex toys.
5) Position:
In my experience, it is ALWAYS best for her to be on top and in control. She cant be tense
and fearful of the possible pain caused by you plowing forward.
Two positions that work well:
- Let her be on top while you lay on your back
or
- Try sitting in a chair while she lowers herself onto you (with her back to you) .
Either way, you CAN NOT MOVE even a fraction of an inch. It could take a few minutes
before she can get it all the way in and even then she should set the pace and pick the
motion that feels right. There is sometimes a moment of bizarre solidarity right about
now as she notices how much suffering you may be enduring as you keep yourself
reined in and motionless. ** There is a very good chance that she wont be able to climax
again through straight sex. If so, dont take it personally, there is way too much going on for her and if
you've followed ALL the above steps then shes already been well taken care of.
You should ask her how she is feeling and what she's ok with. She almost certainly doesnt want you
to prove yourself with an hour-long marathon attempt. Ask her to let you know when she needs
you to wrap things up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* a caveat i thought i should mention concerning the g-spot. its not uncommon that an orgasm involving
g-spot stimulation might cause a bit of "squirting" during her orgasm. If she hasnt had this happen
before she might be a bit freaked out which can be counter productive.
** You will almost certainly find yourself on the verge of climax right about now. You need to be able to hold out for a while so she can actually get accustomed to sex with you. Climaxing moments after entry wont do much to make the next time any easier. Its a good idea (sometime during step #3) to work in a climax for yourself. I would strongly recommend some "69" mutual oral as it will prepare you for the finale and keep her from experiencing any erogenous downtime. I've found its best if she experiences an uninterrupted escalation.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Post script.
I hope the above (very subjective, anecdotal and unscientific) advice is helpful, it is the product of both my personal experience and the input of the women who've been kind enough to give me the time of day. Most of whom have been long term relationships or good friends. I really hope nothing here gave off a creepy/greasy "advice from a bona-fide player" vibe.
feedback is MUCH appreciated
My advice would be as follows (in order).
1) If time is a concern, dont bother. Try another day. You really cant rush this if you want
her to be able to enjoy herself as well.
2) Lots of foreplay (at least 30min)
3) In my experience, her nervousness over the coming attempt is one of the
biggest obstacles. If she is tense and nervous, its not going to work.
So.......
Lots of oral sex AND digital stimulation ...for HER. At least one climax is a must, the
more the better. I think that two or three is a good start with one barely paying lip service
to the attempt. Additionally, stimulation of the G-Spot seems to make things relax and
open up even more , whether or not she achieves purely clitoral orgasm.* The natural
endorphins and lubrication her body produce will work
miracles.
Turn her into Jello.
4) Artificial Lubrication
There are many different brands and varieties. Water Based and silicone seem to be the
most common.I prefer silicone and use it every time with my longtime girlfriend. Most
guys running into this problem are probably in a new relationship and are hopefully
wearing a condom which means that YOU MUST USE A WATER BASED LUBRICANT!
Never mix silicone lubricant with condoms OR silicone sex toys.
5) Position:
In my experience, it is ALWAYS best for her to be on top and in control. She cant be tense
and fearful of the possible pain caused by you plowing forward.
Two positions that work well:
- Let her be on top while you lay on your back
or
- Try sitting in a chair while she lowers herself onto you (with her back to you) .
Either way, you CAN NOT MOVE even a fraction of an inch. It could take a few minutes
before she can get it all the way in and even then she should set the pace and pick the
motion that feels right. There is sometimes a moment of bizarre solidarity right about
now as she notices how much suffering you may be enduring as you keep yourself
reined in and motionless. ** There is a very good chance that she wont be able to climax
again through straight sex. If so, dont take it personally, there is way too much going on for her and if
you've followed ALL the above steps then shes already been well taken care of.
You should ask her how she is feeling and what she's ok with. She almost certainly doesnt want you
to prove yourself with an hour-long marathon attempt. Ask her to let you know when she needs
you to wrap things up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* a caveat i thought i should mention concerning the g-spot. its not uncommon that an orgasm involving
g-spot stimulation might cause a bit of "squirting" during her orgasm. If she hasnt had this happen
before she might be a bit freaked out which can be counter productive.
** You will almost certainly find yourself on the verge of climax right about now. You need to be able to hold out for a while so she can actually get accustomed to sex with you. Climaxing moments after entry wont do much to make the next time any easier. Its a good idea (sometime during step #3) to work in a climax for yourself. I would strongly recommend some "69" mutual oral as it will prepare you for the finale and keep her from experiencing any erogenous downtime. I've found its best if she experiences an uninterrupted escalation.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Post script.
I hope the above (very subjective, anecdotal and unscientific) advice is helpful, it is the product of both my personal experience and the input of the women who've been kind enough to give me the time of day. Most of whom have been long term relationships or good friends. I really hope nothing here gave off a creepy/greasy "advice from a bona-fide player" vibe.
feedback is MUCH appreciated
Thats why I dont believe in waiting. What if it doesnt work? Or one partner doesnt like sex (I knew someone who doesnt like it.) No offece to you for waiting, I personally jsut think you need to know if a couple is sexually compatable so to speak. By the way, Ive only had sex with one person, and Im marring him next month. Try a dildo thats smaller than you with LUBE!
You go girl mami! That's right, baby's that weight up to 10 + come out of there (lol), so a woman can handle any mans with patience and practice.
A woman gives birth to a 10 lb baby, she can handle an 8 inch penis. Just take it easy.
Foreplay will cause her to lubricate naturally (a glass of wine will help too! (lol) and if you use K-Y Jelly, you will get it in there so to speak. Also, she will probably have to soak in warm water afterward, because I guarantee that she is going to be very sore to where she probably will have to keep her legs up for the first time....then you can say you have broken her in and it will get easier with practice.
She could do kegel exercises or you should try more lubrication. It's gonna be very hard for you two to start having sex comfortably because of how big you are. Also, try fingering her first or foreplay. Good luck!
If the penis is too large and she is a virgin, it can cause physical damage, tearing her inside if not done properly...slowly, gently and with lubricant and it can cause emotional damage...fear of sex,and problems in the bedroom, so it is a problem not to be taken likely. As I said in my previous post, a woman's vagina can handle any size, but it will take a man to be sensitive to her body and it will take practice to build experience then you will both have a satisfying sexual relationship.
Oh, heck. Isnt that supposed to be a natural reaction to a woman losing her virginity sometimes?
P.S. Hope you didnt hurt your arm patting yourself on the back, bro :P
P.S. Hope you didnt hurt your arm patting yourself on the back, bro :P
This might seem like a stupid suggestion depending on your level of abstaining, but start with something smaller.
p.s. there is also a "vagina" exercise (like internal push ups) that she can do to stretch her muscle and lining...I know this sounds funnny, but it really works and will help her at the time of penetration.
Absolutely, a womans body can handle any size, but you must be very gentle and work your way in with.You both have to be very comfortable with each other and reasure her that you will go very slowly. Set the mood first, take a shower together, begin with foreplay, you must have a lubricant like K-Y jelly found in drug stores. I also feel that a glass of wine will relax her (this does not mean that you both have to drink before sex ok). She is not experienced with sex and what a surprise for her, so you must go very easy and gently and slowly work you way to that moment and then begin penetration very slowly. Let her welcome you into her body, but if she wants you to stop, then you must stop or you can tear her internally.
If it continues to be a problem, have her contact her gyne for advise. A little wine, foreplay and lubricant will begin the process of a very good time! Good luck.
If it continues to be a problem, have her contact her gyne for advise. A little wine, foreplay and lubricant will begin the process of a very good time! Good luck.
Try a lubrication. She is probably nervous and therefore tensing up even more. That will definitely make it more difficult. Make sure you are both relaxed and use a lot of foreplay to get her really in the mood. Also, a glass of wine or two may help to relax the two of you as well. It is painful and it just takes patience but it will happen. Good luck.
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