I don't know how to handle this properly:

[BluCrystal]

My adult son, 'Jeremy' is in the Airforce, and his fiancee, 'Annie' is in the army.  I am proud of them both.  Annie was raised by her step-dad and mom, 'Bob' and 'Jane'.  Annie's biological father 'Meanie' has been in and out of her life, making promises to Annie that he does not keep, and using her support money for himself.  Jeremy asked Bob if he could marry Annie after college, and Bob said yes.  Annie calls Bob 'daddy'.  No one asked Meanie.  So, at a large family gathering, Jeremy wore his Dress Blues, went to one knee before her and everyone, took out a black box containing a diamond ring, and asked her to be his wife.  She said yes while trying to catch her breath. It was the most beautiful thing I have seen yet, and everyone was crying with joy and hugging them both.  Except for Meanie.  He was shocked.  No one asked him, and he would have never said yes to his daughter marrying a n*****r!!!  I have a black father and a white mother, so my children have coffee-and-cream colored skin.  Needless to say, my 'mama-bear' came out and I said things to this man that I cannot repeat here.  Meanie backed off mumbling something about 'damned n****rs'.  I remain so pissed off that I want to go to his house and do something illegal.  I would have done it already if I knew where the guy lived.  How do I handle this anger, and the possibility of meeting him again?  Meanie is a cowardly person (really) and does not like being screamed at.  I AM JUST SO ANGRY.  And this is new for me because it takes ALOT to **** me off.  One thing is calling one of my children names like that.  They once had a bus driver who was racist, and would not protect my kids from racist kids.  The day I found out about it was the day the bus driver was fired, and replaced by a driver who sat my kids right behind her on the bus, where they were much less likely to be harrassed.  Now I'm rambling.  Got any input on this?

[Vance2335]

Say to this guy that this n****r is good enough to die for your freedom to say n****r but he can't marry your daughter? Make sure many people hear you say this to embarrass the hell out of him.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Dear Blu,  I'm sorry You had this experience!!

as a Mother I know You feel protective (as You should) but, I don't think there is need for You to do or say anything more.  This man's(?) behavior speaks for itself and I'm sure everyone there was annoyed by Him, by His words.  "Bob" IS the Daddy and He's the One who matters here

that 'other guy' is not Her "Daddy"

nothing 'sacred' happens when an egg and a sperm meet - that's just a biological event - this Girl's Daddy is named 'Bob' - maybe that 'other guy' won't even be at the Wedding.  After a statement like that, I don't think 'Annie' would expect/want His presence at Her Wedding.

[RockRose]

BluCrystal,  a man who is willing to say that in public is unreachable,  and unchangeable.   There's nothing you can do here that would be positive.

Any attempt you make to contact him and express your feelings won't be received well - he thinks the same things about you as he does your son,  only more.  

At this point,  I don't know if he wants to come to the wedding,  but I don't think he should be invited and also any contact he has with future grandchildren is likely to be toxic for them.  

Although this hurts there's nothing you can do to change him.  I think you should now focus on being there for the couple,  helping plan/fund engagement parties and getting to know her family (without Meanie) better.  

Blessings.

[Chima7]

Wow. I'm kind of speechless, here. This girl's sperm donor dad is clearly an ignorant bigot and I have to be honest, I don't know that there is anything you can do about him and what he said. I'm sure you've encountered a lot of ignorant people over the years, and as you know, trying to change a person like that's mind about their worn in prejudices is kind of impossible. I'm not saying you should take a pass, but it sounds like you put him in his place pretty good already. It seems to me that anything else that you say at this point will likely have no effect and will be a waste of your time.

What does your son have to say about all this? If he has been around her family long enough to propose to this girl, I'm sure he has had to deal with the bio dad previously. How did it go with your son and him prior to this? How did your son handle it? Maybe you should talk to your son and ask him his input about where to go from here (if anywhere). While I completely understand the mama bear thing, believe me, I think you should proceed however your son thinks is best. These people are going to be his family once they get married and he has to deal with them on an ongoing basis. Let him dictate how best to handle the situation.