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I don't think my husband likes me

I have been married for over 7 years to a man I am very much in love with.  We have 2 children.  Ever since our marriage began, my husband has pretty much blamed me for everything bad that happens in our lives, from financial problems to problems with the kids, etc.  He says that I have "ruined his life" because I did not do well in my career (he doesn't work right now) and have been pretty unsuccessful but I have a rather severe anxiety disorder that I have to deal with in addition to trying to work full time, go to school and care for the family.  I am always trying to please my husband and make him happy but nothing I ever do seems good enough; if I don't have a job then I need to get one but when I have one then I am spending too much time away from home (I only work 40 hrs. a week) - that kind of thing, damned if you do, damned if you don't.  My husband claims he LOVES me with all his heart and can be very kind and loving.  He is verbally abusive at times, but never physically.  I won't divorce because I think it's an easy way out and not good for the kids, so I am in for the long haul.  I just wonder if he really loves me, if he even likes me and what I can do.  We have tried marriage counseling but it didn't really help.  Can anyone offer advice?
3 Responses
637356 tn?1301924822
Wow when marriage counseling doesn't work there isn't much else I can say to try. I understand the whole easy way out but no one deserves to be verbally or mentally abused. Please don't stay unhappy because you think it is what your kids want. They want their mom to be happy.
627145 tn?1230305626
He'd respect you more if you didn't let him walk all over you.  Why can't he work FT and you work PT if you are trying to go back to school?  Then he needs to take more of a burden of the childcare because you need time for homework.  

I think you love him more than he loves you, but he needs you more.  He seems to resent this.  I think the worst thing you can do is to bend over backwards to please him.  Instead, communicate your needs to him.  
397539 tn?1233258097
I think he may be taking his insecurities out on you, your a successful woman working 40 hours a week and school ect.  while he is suppose to be the successful working husband...  its a man thing...  I suggest talking to him, tell him that he needs to talk to a counselor hisself, because his problems are bein taken out on you....  because when men our upset, they dont understand that they are blowing up on the wrong person... they dont handle pressure or insecurities well ...like women do...  let him know that he cannot blow up on you and you are not going to deal with this...so either he sees a counselor or you will head your successful life another direction.


autum
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