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I lied about my virginity to my boyfriend

Me and my boyfriend has been together for 8 months now and we have had sexual intercourse together. From the start he told me he likes nice girls and a virgin. I was also very ashamed of my past and wanted to become the perfect girl for him. That being said, when he asked me how far has I've been with my previous relationship, I immediately start telling lies about how I've never kissed anyone or had any sexual relationship, in reality I have but never to a sexual intercourse. So technically he is my first. He told me that I was his first too. I recently just told him about my lies and the moment I said it, he told me he wasn't a virgin too. He told me he knew it all along because when he fingered me there wasn't any blood and it didn't hurt. I was actually honest with him that i haven't had sexual intercourse because in the past  I've done dry humping that led to bleeding in my underwear and I didn't know it would affect my hymen. I was still shocked that he didn't tell me about his past, waited and played all along until I said it but what he's done is even worse than what I did (instant karma). However, he still blames me for my dishonesty and we both feel disgusted of each other. I have also lied to him a few times due to small problems but this one is the biggest one and i think i might be a compulsive liar. Because in the past I've always lied to my parents and I always get away with things. Also, my parents always forgave me which makes me comfortable lying to them. I think now this is my karma and I want to take full responsibilities. I still love him very much but he hates me so much. I don't blame him because I hate myself too, I don't want to lie anymore. I feel like he's the one and all he has ever done to me are sacrifices and love but i replied to him by constantly lying to him. I've been begging for him to take me back but he said he's tired of me and cannot trust me anymore. I'm scared i will lie again and makes him sad, I've put him in so much pain he has lost a lot of weight and has sleeping anxiety. Taking him back would be selfish because I fear I would put him in more pain. He told me if we were together again things would not be the same and he couldn't love me as much as he did, it would just prolong the breakup. He's the love of my life, I imagined marrying him and I don't think I can find anyone else quite like him. Right now, he wants a break for a week to see whether he still wants me back or not. I am so depressed over my mistakes I wish I never told lies to him. He appreciates honesty and has always been honest to me except about the virginity which he played me good. I don't know what to do, I fear that I will have suicidal thoughts.
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Look, I've got to be honest. If he gets all judging at you about something he lied about too, then I honestly don't think he's worth the trouble. Why should you feel more guilty and ashamed about it than him? Do you really think he's never lied about anything apart from that?

What you have done really isn't bad at all, and while I understand that you still have feelings, in the end I think you'll be better off without him. Give yourself some time to think it over and don't be so hard on yourself, and you'll see that the whole situation really is rather unfair on you.

Also, girls don't have to hurt or bleed the first time, that's a myth, and he's full of **** when he says he could tell what you had and hadn't done. It's nonsense. Dry humping doesn't do more to your vagina than, say, riding a motorcycle or doing splits. I'd suggest watching this vid https://youtu.be/9qFojO8WkpA

I hope you feel better soon.
3060903 tn?1398565123
He would never have told you about his not being a virgin. And you don't know if he's lied to you otherwise ,or not.

You're a young women, who has lied to her parents, and became accustom to doing so, so it's become a habit. A habit you need to break. For your own good, you need to speak your mind and be true to yourself. (and of course for others). SO, you're not PERFECT and that's a deal breaker in this guys eyes.

Are you glad he was honest about his virginity or would you have preferred that he continued to keep that part of his past unknown to you?

Sometimes it is best not to discuss our past personal lives with a new partner. It is really nobodies business if you had a past that you are ashamed of, as long as you are pure of heart, honest and true from the beginning to the end of your new relationship.

Some times you can say too much like the saying "Loose lips sink ships".

It sounds like he would rather have a girl lie, so he can keep them on a pedestal. He needs to think of his partner as being perfect and perfectly in tact. or he cannot respect them. Is this culturally based i wonder.?

If it is, and you're considered un pure in your culture, by the sounds of it . little to none experience with men, then i suggest you do not talk about your past, and/or open up your dating pool to include races that would never place this much importance on your being PURE and PERFECT.

The crazy thing about this, and please, think about this critically. He has used you for sex, as he used the last girl You're not married, you have no security from this guy. Judging from HIS STANDARDS what he did to you, had taken away from other men being interested in you. This is even worse if your culture says that you should not have sex out of wedlock. He has made you un pure , and now he's telling you he doesn't want you?

The guy sounds like a jerk.  I'd bail out.

I would stay away from anybody that thought that way.
134578 tn?1614729226
What is this argument really about?  You went into a strange place right off the bat when you placed all this importance on virginity.

Whether or not you stick with this guy, it's time to get out of the habit of trying to suss out what people want to hear and to immediately lie to give them what they want to hear.  You can do better than that, and are a good enough person that you don't need their approval over small things.  Start to work on that, boyfriend or not.  He is not the answer to your life, you are the answer to your life.  Have confidence in yourself and you will see you are bending yourself into a pretzel for a guy who lied to you.  Not a good spot to be in.
3060903 tn?1398565123
I absolutely agree with Annie Brooke  Personal succes is about being confident in your own skin, setting your own standards of how people treat you. When people break up, they need time to process some of the things that went wrong in the relationship, and they come up with a newly revised plan of action , for the next relationship. Or if it's a "break" you're on, then it MUST be both parties think about what's happened and come back knowing how their partner feels. Having empathy and understanding for each other, reciprocated, is a must to proceed should your goal together be about progressing in life together.

Be careful not to stay in a relationship because you don't know what's around the corner. I can tell you this. When God shuts the door, he opens up the window. If you have the goods to get into one relationship (and you do) you have the goods to get into another relationship so , DON"T WORRY ABOUT BEING ALONE.

Be more confident moving forward, and the pain you've felt will not have been in vain.

Hope you come back and let us know how you are.
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