I love him still

[Zeezoo]

I'm a 21 year old girl who lives with her 21 year old boy friend. My boy friend started beating me up last year December 2012. We were having ourselves a good time at carnival city that day and we went back to his granny's place where he spends the school holidays. We went out again to get something to eat as we were waiting to place an order he said let's just leave. I noticed something was wrong then I stood up and we left when we got to his granny's he took my back and accompanied me to the bus stop and the agreement was that I'll be sleeping over. He left me by the bus stop before I could even take a taxi,then I decided not to take a taxi and went back to his place because I. Wanted him to tell me what's wrong. I waited for about an hour and when he came back he started shouting at me asking me to leave. I pushed him and he ended up strangling me,I tried slapping him cause I wanted him to let go that's when he started beating me up and calling me names. Finally some help came and he stopped beating me up,it was already late that time and I didn't want to go home because I didn't want them to see what he did to me. Later that night he started touching me,holding me and apologizing. I asked him what happened why did he beat me up he said he doesn't know. I asked him to go get professional help he promised he will as soon as we go back to varsity. He did it again after I slapped him for cheating on me,and did it again after I slapped him for the same reason only this time he beat me so hard that I wanted to kill him. I love him with all my heart and now I'm pregnant with his baby but he's seeing someone else. I don't know if i should just get over him or what but I'm not sure i can,especially with this pregnancy being a constant reminder of what we've shared. I need help

[KaylaMarie25]

I know it's hard with carrying his baby, but you DO NOT want to be around him while you are pregnant. What if next time he puts you in the hospital? What if once the baby is older, he/she does something to send him over the edge and he hits the child? He could actually beat you to the point where you can potentially lose the baby. You and your baby deserve more than that. I agree that you're confusing love for something else. If a guy beats you and then turns around and says he's sorry and will never do it again, 99.9% of the time they're LYING. He says that because he knows that no matter what he says or does, you'll be there to take him back. As I said before, you and your unborn child deserve so much better than that.

[moviestardude99]

Oh deer I have seen crimes like that and they end up much worse you expect because they did not leave him which was not start. I would advice you to leave if you have not reported it please report it and get a restrain order it will help.

[nursegirl6572]

Agree 100% with SM above.  You're confusing LOVE for something else, like codependency and abuse.  LOVE is never supposed to be like that.  People don't physically harm those that they love.  I recommend you leaving him immediately, and even seek a PFA to keep him from coming after you and harming you, or killing you.

I also strongly recommend you get some professional help, along with some anger management classes.  While there is NO excuse for what he did to you, you seem to think it's okay to lay your hands on him also (and seem to have been the first to strike out).  That is in NO way acceptable.

A relationship with this man just isn't an option.  Have more self respect than to put up with such horrid behavior.  You are going to be a mother..you have a responsibilty to make reasonable decisions.  It is not a reasonable decision to put yourself (and eventually your child) in such a violent environment.  You are making decisions for TWO now, and regardless of what you think you want, the baby's safety and well being MUST come first.

I too think adoption would be a wonderful option if you're not ready to be a Mom yet, especially with these circumstances, you have some things to work out emotionally.  Just keep it in mind.

[caregiver222]

I feel very bad for you. No normal male who has any value to himself or the world beats a woman. Only losers hurt their partners. "Professional help" won't cure him.   Yelling and arguing is one thing. Physical abuse is quite another. I urge you to go to the police and (a) obtain an order of protection and (b) charge him with the attempted strangulation. You are person of value and desire much more in life. In addition see an attorney at family court (a pro-se attorney). They are free.  Ask him/her about a court order to insure this person pays child support.

[specialmom]

Opps, hit post too soon!!  Honey, that means you'll also get physical too.  

He's with another girl.  He's abusive.  You two have a dynamic that results in beatings, slapping, fighting.  Not good and absolutely you need to move on.

Now you are with a baby.  How far along are you?  Would you consider adoption?  It can be such a beautiful alternative if the timing isn't quite right for a woman to have a child and raise it yet and they have options now like open adoption.  And then down the road, when you find a decent man that marries you and wants to have a family with you and the relationship is peaceful and solid . . .  you can begin a family with them.  But that should be your goal.  Decent man, peaceful, solid relationship.  

I do wish you luck but do not consider being with this man.  And if counseling is something available to you it would be great to do to look at why you'd want to be with someone abusive.  Self protection is something I value and we should run from people that hurt us.  peace and luck my dear

[specialmom]

Hello.  Oh my goodness dear.  You CAN NOT be with a man that strangles you or beats you up whether you are pregnant or not.  You just can't.  He's not safe.  He's irrational.  He blows up easily and over things you can't even figure out what is going on.  How volatile of a place would that be for a child?  And you 'slap' him which is also quite aggressive.  The time you hit him for 'some reason' and then he beat you up . . .  H